The Big Rule DOW Date Other Women

I choose to highlight this concept to you as being a priority in your dating adventures because it is the single most important attitude influence you will encounter, and one that you can totally control, if you so choose.

There seems to be a dynamic of expectations out there that has been driven by women, and I want to clear this myth from our understanding. Stated simply: We believe that women disapprove of men dating more than one person.

I can't tell you how many times I've heard a man say something along the lines of:

- I want to focus all my attention on her ...

And the list goes on and on. Men frequently find a very attractive and enticing woman, and then proceed to ruin all chances with her by focusing every bit of attention on her, making her the center of their world.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

This kind of obsession is a guaranteed attraction-killer for her. Let's discuss the reasons you need to continue to meet and date other women - especially when you meet a girl you really do like.

1) Attitude and confidence

When you train your sights on one woman, you have no buffer to protect your attitude and confidence. When she rejects you or turns you down for a date, you fall into the trap of wondering what you did wrong, or what you should do next. You cannot keep a healthy, balanced attitude when you've got all your eggs in one basket. We all have a fear of loss, and that fear comes from a fundamental belief that we lack choices. When you understand that you have more choices than you need, your confidence skyrockets. Your fear of loss will dissipate and you'll relax because you know this one is not the last one. You will dilute your rejection and pain.

2) Perspective and comparison

When you date more than one woman, you will have a frame of reference to compare and contrast their personalities, behavior, integrity, etc. You need to have a Truth check to keep perspective while you are dating. It's too easy to start rationalizing her behaviors and red flags when you have nothing to compare against.

3) Perceived value

Women want what other women want. A man in demand is a man that a woman will watch and wonder, what's he all about?

Diamonds are a girl's best friend not just because they are rare, and expensive, but because all the other women want them, too. Demand. What is common is not valued, and what is easily obtained is common.

4) The Obsessive Self-destruct - The Downward Spiral

See if this sounds familiar: Dave finds Stacy, a gal he really likes. He calls her and sets up a coffee appointment. They meet, and they get along well. Still high from his coffee date, Dave goes home and leaves a message on Stacy's answering machine, telling her how he thinks she's great and wants to go to dinner sometime. She returns his call and they set up a date for later in the week. They go to dinner, and Dave is totally focused on Stacy, and she feels it, causing her to be on her guard. She becomes aloof and distant, feeling the pressure. The date ends and things are a bit awkward. Dave worries and calls her at home over the next three days. He panics and tries to reel Stacy back in. Stacy responds by further avoiding Dave, desperately trying to find air to breathe. And the spiral goes on.

Obsession causes you to make unhealthy decisions. When you date many women, you have options. Options protect you from obsession. When you date one woman, you have no options. The moral of this story is to date many women, until you can make a decision that the one that shows the most promise deserves to be "the one." Or not. The point is that it's now your choice instead of hers.

5) You trigger her "exclusive" mechanism too early: Women don't want to be exclusive with any man right off the bat, and by focusing your attention on one woman, you will get them believing this is your intention, even if you're only thinking of them as temporary. By focusing all on her, she intuits this to mean that you want a monogamous, long term relationship, and this is never your objective until you've known her for several months.

Remember: Date other women, never just one. If you find one that you really like, it's even more important that you find other women to date so that you don't smother her with over-attention.

Women don't want needy men. Period. End of story. If you focus your attention on one woman, you'll be like a skier coming down the mountain with nothing but a pair of cardboard tubes to look through - you'll be a nervous wreck trying to keep perspective and avoid the trees, and sooner or later you will lose it.

If you have a religious or other belief that tells you that you need to date only one woman, I urge you to re-evaluate that belief. I've seen too many men fall into a miserable relationship because he thought this woman was his be-all, end-all, and he discovers that she isn't what he expected. He consigns himself to a life of misery, telling himself that it's really not that bad. He asks permission to do everything and calls her "The Boss." He signed on for the program that said when he found a woman that would give him regular sex, she was the one to marry and sign over any remaining dignity he had. Now he has to 'check in' with her for the rest of his life. Some men get married just so they can slip into a complacent role, and they don't mind being dominated one bit. If that's what you want, this material isn't for you. I've seen them at the end of their existence in these relationships, and it's pitiful and degrading. Life is too short to spend it in servitude. I believe in equal give and take in long-term relationships, always.

One more gruesome end result comes when men haven't dated enough women overall, much less at one time. I call these men the Serial Daters. He spends a lot of time focusing on one woman, and usually has some success in finding a gal who is also a serial dater. He never dates that many women to get comfortable with the process, usually because he doesn't understand enough about the dynamics to keep him active in the field. With each relationship he agonizes over, he holds back a little more on the next. He lowers his effort and starts to spiral into a slightly bitter, disillusioned state. His experience is that each cycle he goes through only justifies his worst conceptions about dating:

- It's painful, there's just too much rejection

- When you find someone promising, it takes a long time to get anywhere

- There are so many games

- The woman is never who he wants (if he knows what he wants)

- He'll have to break up and go through the whole process again, and again, and again ...

You avoid being a part of this gruesome tale by deciding your own fate. You keep your inner game strong, and never stop learning from the experience. Keep dating other women until you find one that warrants your complete attention.

Continue reading here: Send Mixed Signals

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