Survive, Heal And Thrive After Infidelity
The human consciousness follows the same physical principle as water and electricity it flows along the path of least resistance. There's no need for me to repeat the litany of wild emotions that are unleashed by a love affair. You've been ducking them all your life coasting along the twisted path that winds its way along and around -but never through -- those frightening feelings. I know that it takes a firm commitment to allow yourself to become vulnerable to these emotional storms.
Who needs to date someone who is already proven to be capable of adultery, bad judgment, or both Who needs the heartache Walking into a propeller is just plain dumb, and dating someone who's still married is walking into a propeller. Even if that someone hasn't been living with his or her not-really ex, what makes you think the person doesn't use his or her legal purgatory as a way to keep potential dates or mates at arms' length You truly can't win. You can only lose.
Although just about any obstacle will create this sexual tension, some obstacles can create more problems than they are worth. For example, infidelity can be tempting because of all the taboos and other obstacles involved, but it can also screw up your life. That's why the right type of humor is crucial, for it is harmless, yet immensely powerful in creating the perfect sexual tension.
And if you're already in 'buddy jail' with some girls that you know, it would probably be better to just forget about them for now and move on to finding some fresh meat. Only this time you have to be sure to establish some sexual tension with them right off the bat, okay Then you won't have to wrack your brain trying to figure out how to turn another friend into a lover (an impossible task). Listen to me, no great love affair starts out as a friendship, it's always the other way around You must get at least a little spark of passion crackling in her brain at the earliest possible moment or you'll lose your romantic chances with her forever, and the best way to do that is by not being afraid to touch her. Love affairs begin with a bang of chemistry, not a polite exchange of pleasantries, and the sexually-charged touch sets the test tubes to boiling
Scientists tell us that the average time that 'in love' feeling lasts is 18 months. Four years is about the upper limit. That's also about the peak time for divorce and infidelity. Biologists speculate that it's probably because way back when, it took that long for an infant to become somewhat independent (just over 3 years old) and to free up the woman's hands so she's not completely dependent on the man to provide for her and the child.
Timing is everything when it comes to seduction. Too much too soon is no good -- still there exists a window of opportunity during which time you must act and show some sort of romantic desire or you will either be dumped or given the 'just friends' treatment. Trust me, being dumped is better. The buddy fate is just a pointless prolongation of the inevitable that will tease you with the idea that you can somehow turn your friendship into a love affair but it will never come to pass.
At the same time, men also learned that infidelity on behalf of his mate could mean that the child was not his own, so he adapted to desire fidelity in a woman. At the same time, it seems, because he could never ensure totally fidelity, he adapted to want sex with as many women as possible to increase the chances of having his genes survive. Women's needs from men were thus twofold- genetic material for children, PLUS food and shelter for herself and her future children. (This helps explain women's infidelity, because if a man only satisfied one need, another man could satisfy the other.) Now, women get jealous for infidelity as well, because it historically meant that another woman would now jeopardize her man's resources.
Look, every great pick-up artist is smooth with the words, and you know what The women love it That's right, all women understand there's a degree of BS going on when guys hit on them it's all part of the game. Remember, Romance is a Trance you have to weave a spell with your words, style and dominant male attitude in order to begin forging the psychological bonds that will hopefully grow into a long-term love affair.
The moral of this is that it is very tempting to ignore your friends when you think you've found that special someone, but that's the worst time to desert them. I think we're all familiar with the guy who tends to jump into relationships headfirst and then ignore all his friends. Suddenly he becomes unavailable to do anything. Months later, when he's overdosed on his love affair, and they break up, he's single again and looking to hang out. And then he wonders where all his friends went.
|Healing From An Affair|