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There are essentially two fundamental groups you can divide people into - either introverts or extroverts. Some people think that being an introvert means that you are quiet, shy, and not very talkative, and you probably don't like people very much. They believe also that being an extrovert means you are loud, talkative, and outgoing.

The truth of this is that those descriptions are the extreme ends of introverted and extroverted behavior. An extrovert actually gets their energy recharged from being around people, but they do have times of solitude as well. Introverts actually recharge from being alone, but they also enjoy being around a lot of people. And introverts are not always shy.

You should look carefully at your own personality and determine whether you are introverted or extroverted. (I highly suggest getting and taking a Meyers-Briggs test to see what your personality type is. You can't know enough about your own behavior and personality.) If you're an introvert, you'll need to start working on some conversational skills. If you're an extrovert, you'll need to start working on your observation and analytical skills.

You also need to look at the personality of your seduction targets and figure out which type they are. If she's an extrovert, she'll probably be very talkative and take a good deal of the burden from your shoulders in keeping the conversation going. These are the women that are easy to talk with, sociable, and just make it a lot easier to pick up on.

On the other side are the introverted women. They are much more challenging, because you have a lot of blocks and defenses in your way from getting to their soft center. However, when you do, you'll find that the introverted women can be the most delightful and interesting women, as well as sexually exciting.

You don't have to be a "life of the party" personality to be successful with women. In fact, it can often be a block because most of the introverts tend to pick up on more subtle social behavior than the extroverts. The advantage an extrovert starts with is a more comfortable vibe when in larger groups of people. I believe both extroverted and introverted men have a similar level of anxiety when approaching women.


A woman has conflicting forces at work within her at all times, and one of these forces cannot be ignored if you are to succeed in seduction. This force is called trust.

You see, a woman will not allow herself to be seduced by you if she does not trust you. She has to overcome her built-in natural mistrust of men (and strangers) in order for you to complete your seduction and go to bed with her.

Women have been conditioned since birth to mistrust men's intentions. Their mothers told them we were "only after one thing," and their friends reinforced this belief, especially from the peer pressure of the other girls. The most important thing to a young woman was the opinion of her peers, and if they thought she was being sleazy or sluttish, this was enough to completely control her social behavior.

This is changing as social and cultural shifts occur, but it is still a part of a woman's upbringing. It's also a part of her genetic disposition to be very cautious about who she has sex with, because sex has always meant the possibility of a lifelong obligation to raising a child if she got pregnant. We've only had reliable birth control for the last 150 years or so.

A lot of guys throw their hands up at the thought of having to gain her trust, knowing that the trust mechanism of a woman takes a long time to build up to sufficient levels. But guess what? There are shortcuts!

You don't need to jump through hoops with a woman to gain her trust. In fact, the one thing you should not do is work too hard to try and gain her trust, because this appears phony and insincere to her, and it will actually lower - not raise - her feelings of trust. (The only people who try really hard to get other people to trust them are the people you just can't trust.)

The primary shortcut is that you make her demonstrate that she needs to gain your trust. Understand that the woman often starts out with the posture of a person who needs to be warmed up and coaxed into trusting you. This is how men are put on the defensive all the time when they approach a woman. She acts a little insulated and distant from you, as if she's trying to remember if she's seen you on an FBI mug shot somewhere before, and then you feel a sense of guilt, as if she might be right. You fell into this trap way back when you first started meeting women, and she knew that she had this control up her sleeve. She's got what you want, so she feels justified in making you prove yourself to her.

Turn it around.

The first kind of interaction you need to have with a woman is a humorous tease. You want to show her that she's dealing with a different kind of man, and she's going to have to prove herself to you. You tease her and bust her balls at every chance you get.

I'm from the east coast, and one of the hallmarks of growing up there is that you learn that everyone wants to bust your chops. Everybody likes to try and trick you into believing something, or getting you to feel a little foolish for your gullibility. It can seem like a cruel tactic, but it does toughen you up a bit, as well as make you think for yourself.

The best example of busting balls (and the most harsh) is from the movie "Goodfellas." There's a famous scene where Tommy DeVito (Joe Pesci) and Henry Hill (Ray Liotta) are in a restaurant after hours, and Joe Pesci's character stops the conversation in mid-laughter to ask Henry what he meant by saying he was a funny guy. "But I'm funny how? Funny like a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh?" The situation gets very tense because Tommy looks serious, and by now we understand that Tommy is a bit psychotic. Henry starts to back down, getting a little scared. Then Henry figures out that Tommy is just pulling his chain, and they all get a good laugh. (I was laughing and squirming in my seat when I watched this.)

The first time I saw this, it sent a chill up my neck, and it still does. This was EXACTLY how people in my family (and some of my friends) would clown around. This ball busting has a very humbling affect. I don't suggest you ever take it to the extreme like Tommy did in "Goodfellas," but you should definitely study the movie to see what the dynamic of this is.

To use this strategy with a woman, you must be much more gentle, but the process is very much the same:

1) You say something to her that could be interpreted as serious, but you are really joking

2) You let her think you're serious for a short period

3) You let her in on the fact that you were joking

4) You tease her about it for a laugh (using humor at the end to make sure she doesn't feel like the butt of the joke)

It's a form of teasing, pure and simple. Here's how it looks in action:

Lora: "So what did you do this week?"

Hal: (Playing it dead serious) "Oh, I went to a photo shoot to model some new men's underwear. I think they're planning on using me in a new ad in the Chronicle."

Lora: "Really? That's awesome!"

Hal: (Laughing) "NO, silly. Do you really think I'm an underwear model? Well, sometimes I model women's underwear. But that's when I'm all alone and the cable's out."

Here's another example:

Maggie: "I'm thinking of renting a car for a drive down to Los Angeles this weekend."

Todd: "You know, I just got my Porsche out of the shop, so you could actually borrow my BMW if you like."

Maggie: "Really? That would be so cool!"

Todd: (Smacks her arm) "What are you, nuts?! You think I've got a Porsche and a BMW? I'm only making six dollars an hour at 7-11, you know. Sure, I have to bust kids for buying beer under-age, but I get all the burritos I want for free."

(Notice how these guys used humor at the end to keep from hurting her feelings too badly. Using humor takes the edge off.)

It takes some refinement to know when and where to stop, but it works wonders with especially attractive women who are used to getting their own way and manipulating men. You want to strip away this pretense as soon as you can, and busting her chops (or teasing her) is how you get there.

Teasing can also be done in a lighter mode, especially important when you've first met a woman. You need to tease lighter at the start, and heavier later on. In the beginning, you can just joke about something she's wearing.

o "So is that a real diamond ring? Or is that just a mood ring?"

o "Wow, is that a purse? It's so small ... it looks like a pack of cigarettes with a string tied on it. I bet there's no room for change in it, huh?"

o "That's an interesting cell phone. Do you have one of those annoying songs for a ring-tone? Like "The Sound of Music" or something? I bet yours is some Britney Spears song."

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