All too often, most men lose their target because of their inability to keep the conversation with a woman on track. They lose sight of their goal because they get caught up in the minute-to-minute chit-chat rather than remembering their objective.
Do you know how to handle conversation effectively? You'll have to if you want to be able to seduce women.
The key to handling conversation and controlling the dialogue is not so much about controlling her as it is controlling the dynamic of affection and attraction she will feel toward you. In order to seduce a woman, you must keep this feeling of 'escalating passion' moving up the scale from the moment you meet her. All she needs is one dip -
one doubt - and you could be looking at another Saturday night of listening to her tell you about her inner child and how she would like to ride her scooter across China.
Sure, you can listen to her talk, but you need to be directing the conversation toward topics that are as charged and exciting as possible, and as far from neutral as you can get. You even have to risk her anger and disdain along the way to make this happen. Here's how this works:
During your conversation, things start to slip a notch. She starts to talk about her sister, who just had a miscarriage. Now this is a deadly conversational situation to be caught in. Take a wrong turn and not seem interested or sympathetic, and you're an asshole. Take the other wrong turn, and she'll be chewing your ear off as if she were on her therapist's couch.
What to do?
Well, first of all, you acknowledge what she says with sympathy. This shows a decent level of sensitivity.
"Gee, Helen, that's got to be tough for her," you say.
"Yeah, it's been so hard on my sister. I mean, I really feel for what she's going through."
You need to step in with your own redirection of the conversation at this point.
You say: "It's interesting how we handle these things. I was just thinking about how we overcome the difficult situations in our lives. I mean, you really seem like you've got things together. Unless, of course, you're hiding a dark, secret past of boiling your boyfriend's rabbits on the stove." And you give a smirk.
This serves two purposes:
It diverts the conversation off what easily could spiral into seduction suicide -her unburdening her troubles and heartache on you. You hardly know each other, but since she's starting to build rapport, she feels like she can now reveal her sorrows to you. Don't go there!
The onus of responsibility is back on you to re-engage you on the level you started the conversation on. If you're teasing her nicely, she should be coming back with a need to prove herself to you. (Responding to your challenge.)
However, if she still persists on dwelling on this horrible situation with her sister, you may have to break this cycle. This is called a pattern interrupt, and it's very effective to short-circuit other people's conditioned responses.
You only need to ask her to excuse you for a second while you make a trip to the men's room. You go even if you don't have to go. This will stop her from continuing down this no-win, downer path in the conversation. This will allow you time to regroup, as well, and re-plan your strategy. Return to her as quickly as you can. Make a subject change to a new topic immediately.
Another pattern interrupt tactic is to pretend you saw something outside, or across the room, and excuse yourself. You walk a few steps and come back to her. "I thought I saw an old friend of mine," you explain. "It wasn't her." Then you change the subject to something new right away.
If you come back to her and she's still unable to break away from this topic, I recommend you eject from this situation. She might simply be in an emotional down-cycle, and difficult to reach. If she were a little more on the up-cycle, you might stand a better chance. Don't waste your time unless you feel there's some benefit to being the shoulder to cry on. (Most often, she'll only be emotionally vulnerable, and not a good candidate.)
Sometimes a woman will act as if you're the insensitive one if you don't sit there and listen to her gripe and moan, but it's really her that's being insensitive by pushing her troubles on you. She's treating you, in essence, like one of her girlfriends. If she gives you a hard time about not playing therapist to her, drop her and move on.
Why You Don't Want To Be Her Therapist
The trick of effective listening is to be able to make her feel as if she's been heard without becoming her therapist and dumping ground. You can empathize with her a few times, but you can't let yourself sit there quietly and nod your head while she unloads her life's troubles and problems on you, because that is what most women will eventually start doing if you've done a good job of showing a sympathetic and listening ear.
(This is a good indicator to watch for, by the way. You're actually making great progress with her trust level if she starts to unburden with you. However, this is a fork in the road. If you keep it up, you'll never get her sexually attracted to you.)
What you have to be willing to do is to cut her off from continuing down this path and ruining your seduction. Women love to unburden themselves, and guys are frequently drawn into the trap of thinking that if they listen to all of her emotional outpouring, these women will somehow be interested in giving them sex as well, since they've "bonded" in some way.
It doesn't work like that. As soon as a woman starts feeling like you're someone she can share non-sexual intimate details with, she starts to categorize you as a friend in her mind. This does not elevate excitement. It kills it. You become a nice, listening ear, but not a person that her hormones will rage for.
How do you think of a friend versus a lover when you think of the women in your life?
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