Principle Psychological Posture

Posture is another term from sales and other psychological studies. I'm not referring to your physical slouching (sit up straight!), per se. Posture is a very generic term for your overall social presence. It is, when all is said and done, the impression left behind with people after they've experienced you, and it also encompasses your ability to command respect in those you meet. When I say you should have posture, I mean that you need to have the ability to present yourself on at least equal terms to another person, their personality, ego, and demands. Women need you to show posture so that they understand whether or not you are someone who is genuinely confident, or only playing at it.

In the world of seduction, it's your ability to feel like you have control over the situations you enter with women, whether this is asking for the phone number, going for the kiss, sexual initiation, whatever. You have to feel like you have some control, and that you won't make as many errors due to insecurity. When you go out on seduction meeting, you need to enter the situation with self-control and assurance. This assurance comes from the deep-seated belief that you are the one with the goodies -this woman needs something you have.

Posture can be gauged on a scale, like those wide speedometers on old luxury cars. On the far left (near 0 mph) is your total ambivalence (and just a bit of avoidance) to the situation or woman. On the right (where your engine is maxed out), you are hopelessly obsessed, anticipating every waking minute you're not near her. In the middle is a comfortable place for the needle to idle. In this ideal posture zone, you occasionally think about the target, but you know you can also remain comfortably detached from her. At least enough that her casual comments will not throw you off.

Think of how you felt when you knew someone you weren't attracted to had a crush you: Part of you was flattered, but mostly you couldn't have cared less. Think also of how you treated this woman. You were probably cool and stand-offish, not wanting to instigate further feelings of attraction on her part. The ironic thing is that this only made her want you more.

The point here is that you should strive to emulate this kind of attitude with every woman you relate to. The trick is that you practice this cool detachment with a balance of flirtatious interest, but only enough to give them some doubt about your intentions. That doubt about you is called mystery.

But keep in mind that posture is not just an iron statue of manliness. Actually, your ability to remain vulnerable and flexible is essential to success. The man that is rigid and unbending will break (as the Taoist saying about the reed in the wind.) Balance your firmness with a measure of emotional warmth. The more "real" you can appear in her eyes, the more she will trust you. This is why I emphasize that you do not lie or mislead during The Seduction Method.

You'll know you have posture when you have the will to get up and leave ANY situation you happen to be in with a woman if it suits you. You'll be able to pull back from a kiss first, thus leaving her wanting more. You'll be able to call her bluffs and tests. You'll be able to turn her down when you think she might be more trouble to seduce than fun. You'll be able to walk away from a potentially poisonous woman, no matter how beautiful she is. You'll be able to turn her down for sex because you have alternatives and options - as well as knowing that she wants it more than you do.


What is "qualification"? Qualification is a part of your attitude that tells her that you value yourself, and that she is going to be challenged by you.

Let me explain it best through an analogy:

Do you remember high school tryouts? At the start of the year, if you wanted to get on a team, you had to go and put on your shorts, get out on the field, and demonstrate your ability to perform for the team. If you could run fast enough, or show enough skill, you might get on the team. Only the best were chosen to join each year.

So, how would you feel about a contest where everyone gets a

L - £ prize at the end? Where there is no exclusive reward for having proven yourself? Would you feel motivated to perform?

You see a lot of this in the "non-competitive," touchy-feely, new-age methods that a lot of children are being brought up in these days. Kids are being taught that conflict avoidance is the best route to success. While this can be true in some circumstances, these kids end up going to the extreme and never confront anyone. Everyone's too afraid of hurting everyone else's feelings. We're all desperately trying to avoid any kind of contention. What they don't realize is that struggle is a necessary part of growing up, as well as life itself. You may not want to compete, but the truth is that you have to compete.

Qualification is the way you think of the process of seduction. You have to have a mindset that you are the coach, and these women you're trying to seduce are your cheerleaders coming to try out for the squad. If you let women reverse this situation on you, where they treat you like a lost little puppy looking for love, you'll wind up at her mercy. And your chances for seduction are going to be entirely at her discretion, if she doesn't lose her interest right away because you provide no challenge for her.

You are not there to perform for her. She must qualify for your team. What you are initially want to look for is:

o A woman you find sexually attractive o A woman with a sense of humor and is friendly

You don't need compatibility or almost any other traits, until you decide you want to move her to a more permanent position on the team - and you only do this because she performs well through the season.

Make sure you are qualifying the women you are looking to seduce, and don't let them turn the tables on you.

PRINCIPLE: Self-interest

We are ruled by self-interest. One of the fundamental traits of human beings is that we are all interested primarily in our own survival and our own lives in general. The more this need is met for us - feeling adequate, worthy, confident, etc. - the more we are able to reach out beyond this shell of selfish focus and attend to others. The truth is that self-interest wins out over altruism and good intentions every time.

This is not a bad thing. You have to have a certain fundamental level of selfishness in order to be able to do anything good for others. Ultimately, those people who can establish a firm sense of "self" in their life, have a much more fully charged battery pack for giving later down the road. They don't burn out and die from martyrdom, and as a result, they give a great deal back to the world.

There's a famous scene in "Wall Street" where Michael Douglas' character, Gordon Gecko, makes a speech about how "greed is good." It's a pretty convincing argument, and there are a few points that are true. In the spirit of his speech, I'd like to propose that being self-centered is good as well. Not to the extreme, but in a way that allows everyone to fully develop his or her sense of self-esteem and self-confidence. If we were all able to raise our levels of self-confidence and drop the need for defenses, we would experience much more fulfillment from our relationships. We would also have much less violence and conflict in society from those at the extreme edge of dysfunction - criminals and tyrants whose own low self-esteem thirsts for power.

A woman's self-interest causes her to behave in certain ways. She looks out for her own safety, first and foremost. She also watches to determine if you will be able to meet her needs, over the short and long term. Will you be a good lover? Protector? Provider? She sees this by the posture and attitude you convey to her, by how convincing and how consistent it is.

PRINCIPLE: Female Behavior

One common topic of discussion among guys is why women are so concerned about appearances, and how this relates to their catty behavior. First of all, it's generally understood that women dress nice not for men, but for other women. So that they can one-up their rivals, who are all buying into a myth of male perfection: Five foot five, one hundred pounds, with legs to her neck and boobs like prize-winning cantaloupes.

I think this is generally true, but needs to be amended. Women do use the "butterfly" behavior to attract men, but it's not in the sense of "Aren't you impressed at how good I look in these clothes/shoes?" It is actually in the sense of "Aren't you impressed at how much better I look than other women in these clothes/shoes?" They are dressing for us and showing off for us, but it's really from their own sense of vanity.

You see, women are catty because they live in comparison. Everything they have been brought up with tells them that they exist only in comparison to other women, typically the stick-bug models on the cover of "Cosmopolitan" or "Vogue." So, their concern is not as much on impressing us with their individual looks and qualities as it is with standing out from the herd of other women. I suspect this also ties to other behavior, such as their panic-inducing question of "Do I look fat?" They're concerned about how they look, not because they're worried about failing to satisfy their man's ideal, but in relation to how they look compared to other women. This should help you in addressing women's seemingly neurotic questions by phrasing answers the way they really want to hear them - not the way they are asked. A woman doesn't know how to speak to her true fears and insecurities. She asks you questions that are only partially related to her real emotional currents.

Your answers to her, however, should always say that there really is no other woman that compares. (But deliver this with just a hint of doubt ...)

PRINCIPLE: Words and Actions

Equally important is that you need to pay attention to a woman's actions, not what she says. Her words will tell you facts, things about her and her life, etc., and those are reliable - for the most part. She's actually giving you indirect clues. Very often, a woman says one thing, but means another, and that is precisely why:

© 2003 - Carlos Xuma - DD Publications - All Rights Reserved -

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