Five Steps to Mindfulness
Set aside at least fifteen minutes a day to study and read the gestures of other people, as well as acquiring a conscious awareness of your own gestures. A good reading ground is anywhere that people meet and interact. An airport is a particularly good place for observing the entire spectrum of human gestures, aspeople openly express eagerness, anger, sorrow, happiness, impatience and many other emotions through gestures. Social functions, business meetings and parties are also excellent. Having studied the art of body language, you can go to a party, sit alone in a corner all evening like a wallflower and have an exciting time just watching other people's body language rituals Television also offers an excellent way of learning nonverbal communication. Turn down the sound and try to understand what is happening by first watching the picture. By turning the sound up every five minutes, you will be able to check how accurate your non-verbal readings are and before long it will be...
The human consciousness follows the same physical principle as water and electricity it flows along the path of least resistance. There's no need for me to repeat the litany of wild emotions that are unleashed by a love affair. You've been ducking them all your life coasting along the twisted path that winds its way along and around -but never through -- those frightening feelings. I know that it takes a firm commitment to allow yourself to become vulnerable to these emotional storms. Ignorance creates a vacuum in your consciousness. In your ignorance of what exactly to do and to say to a woman in an approach-seduction situation, fear has slithered in to fill the void. In order to displace this fear, you'll need to load up on all the knowledge that you can seize from a book like this one and others like it. In the next chapter, we'll be delving into the nuts and bolts of the flirting and approaching procedure, but I'll tell you right now that it all pivots around the central idea of...
After your date is in full swing, ask yourself whether you are scoring the evening. You know, one point for you when your date laughs at a joke, one point for your date each time his or her fingertips brush your arm. If so, cut it out Bring your mind back to the present moment, stop overseeing the project, and, hey, enjoy yourself
Instead of focusing a single thought on ourselves, focus completely on the person before you. Push out all anxiety of how we may behave or what might be the outcome of the engagement instead, make a complete 180 degree shift in thinking. Flood your awareness upon the other person, trying to empathize with what he may be feeling and seeking to understand his or her position. Push out any thought that has you in it. The key is to lose total awareness of yourself. Lose this self-absorption -and you vanquish your fear.
By doing this, you do not let them get out of your awareness, and you don't push them away, either. Once you have control by your Occupation, you then use the principles of Aikido (another martial art) to use your opponent's energy and move them, redirecting their energy toward your goal.
Nailing your heart, head, and toes to the present moment is what you want to do here. The temptation is strong to fantasize about your glorious future to dump your desires onto your date, to project that your date feels the same way about you or to imagine that this is the person who will solve your past relationship problems. Resist it. Bite the inside of your lip, if necessary, to remind yourself, Hey, I'm dealing with one person now, one moment in time, one original situation. It's hard to do, I know, but you owe it to yourself and your date.
This is the one vague attribute from the list. It is a combination of a number of different issues, but in this brief summary I will list a few for you. It's having a strong sense of purpose and determination in whatever you do. It's being comfortable in your own skin regardless of the environment and having a frame of mind where you can live your life with the inner peace of not having to kiss anyone's ass or having to impress others. I know that's a lot of food for thought, but you can do it one step at a time. Remember the one word that creates a Strong Reality Certainty. (Covered throughout the entire book.)
In the previous scenario you could have demonstrated your awareness of the soldier's problem by saying, I have a friend who's crippled for life because of a car wreck. He can't ever walk despite numerous operations. I saw how tough his life had become because of his diminished capacity. You have a similar problem. I pray that just as he had gotten over his difficulty, you can devote your energies to other endeavors and get on with life.
There are also women on the other end of the spectrum, who appear to want sex, but are only going through the motions (like Frozen Chick above). I won't go into much detail here about the psychology of this (there are whole books written on this condition alone), but suffice to say there are women with some pretty severe sexual dysfunctions. There are women incapable of having an orgasm, and others have been so badly conditioned from early sexual experiences that they feel they only have put out to please men, not themselves. You'll get a hint of what kind of woman you're with when you learn to fine-tune your awareness and watch her reactions to what you do.
I have provided a mass of information here, and it is very difficult at first to actually put to use the signals you will now be able to read. Take things one step at a time and you will become accustomed to reading the proper signals and be able to ignore the signals that are meaningless. The vast majority of body movements don't contain any practical meaning at all. A person who is trained in body language will be able to ignore most of what happens during normal interactions, but then immediately pick up on something important and meaningful as soon as it happens. It's really a matter of focusing on the key gestures that convey meaning instead of trying to read all that goes on in an interaction. If you are too busy trying to take everything in at once you'll probably forget how to speak What used to be left to your unconscious and your gut will now be moved to your consciousness, so give it some time to sink in. After a while has passed you will...
There are also women on the other end of the spectrum, who appear to want sex, but are only going through the motions (like Frozen Chick above). I won't go into much detail here about the psychology of this (there are whole books written on this condition alone), but suffice to say there are women with some pretty severe sexual dysfunctions. Many women are incapable of having an orgasm, and others have been so badly conditioned from early experiences that they feel they only have sex to please men, not themselves. You'll get a hint of what kind of woman you're with when you learn to fine-tune your awareness and watch her reactions to what you do.
Lucky for us, there's a lot of good resources out there to catch up on lost time. Thousands of years ago, there were Chinese emperors and Indian maharajas with lots of money and free time on their hands. Seeing as there was neither cable nor video games then, what these emperors would do in their copious spare time was to have lots of sex with their hundreds of wives and concubines. They also commissioned their philosophers and scientists to figure out novel and exciting ways of enhancing their sexual experiences. Predictably, over hundreds of years, these emperors and philosophers came up with a lot of good stuff. From China came the treatises of the Taoist masters and the Yellow Emperor from India, the Kama Sutra, the Ananga Ranga, and the works of the yoga masters. What they figured out was not just the incredible variety and intensity of possible sexual practice, but also the potential to use sexual communion as a path to higher consciousness. A good reference for that knowledge...
The Diary of the Seducer claims that in seduction the subject is never the master of his master plan, and even when the latter is deployed in full consciousness, it still submits to the rules of a game that goes beyond it. A ritual dramaturgy beyond the law, seduction is both game and fate, and as such pushes the protagonists towards their inevitable end without the rule being broken - for it is the rule that binds them. And the rule's basic dictum is that the game continue whatever the cost, be it death itself. There is, then, a sort of passion that binds the players to the rule that ties them together - without which the game would not be possible.
My personal definition of confidence Removal of uncertainty, combined with an inner peace and harmony that facilitate a strong and powerful belief system. Once you remove uncertainty, what you are left with is certainty, a belief system that is void of doubt. You have confidence.
One specific body part, focus on the whole person, the whole body. Notice all parts of his body by extending the range of your awareness. Allow your unconscious to put in the parts that you are not consciously aware of. From there, allow your mind to build a life-size, three-dimensional image of the person before you and really be aware of the totality of his presence. See and feel his presence. This trick is easily accomplished by martial artists who are simultaneously mindful of every aspect of his opponent's body and position without looking at every part. Once this tangible image is created before you, step into that image. Step into that life-like, three dimensional picture and begin to get a sense of what they might be feeling. You must feel them and imagine what they might be experiencing. Unleash your senses and make it highly receptive. Sense what it must be like to be them, looking from their eyes, standing from their position. Feel their clothing against your skin, feel the...
When it finally comes time to speak, it is essential to once again ramp up our mindfulness of what is going on non-verbally since things might change dramatically. Priority should always be given to subconscious body language over conscious words. For example, a woman who otherwise gives off positive cues and jokingly pushes you off saying, get away, is probably just teasing you and really does want you to continue to pursue. A woman's true intensions are never quite clear, but body language can help uncover what is hidden to others and sometimes even to her. Humans operate on so many different levels and are very complicated. There is normally always conflict going on in our minds so we need to expect there to be conflict in the language we use.
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