The Monogamy Method
In order to avoid any such unpleasant consequences, frame your relationship with her the way _you_ would like to see it from the start. If you want to be with her but not with her exclusively, let her know. If she walks then most probably she wouldn't have fitted into your future anyway. If she stays, it has been _her_ decision to accept your terms and now you won't have to worry about keeping your possible adventures a secret from her or how hurt she might feel if they came to her knowledge, she won't have to feel paranoid, jealeous or miserable because she knows, that as the two of you are not in a strict, traditional and monogamous one-on-one relationship, a new relationship of yours will not endanger her position the way it usually would, plus, should she feel like it, she is free to pursue any interests of hers without feelings of guilt or shame as well ) (Don't tell her that last thing though - she might take a you are free to meet other people as well the wrong way, it just too...
This is a common mistake perpetuated by almost all men. While already with a woman, a man uncontrollably continues to scan the room to check out other women. While such games can be effective during an initial meeting and negotiation between two people not yet in a relationship, it does nothing to raise value in the eyes of women after such negotiations are set and a couple is formed. During a date or relationship, you will want her to think that you only have eyes for her. You want to show her that you are monogamous and will give her and only her all your resources. The last thing you need to do is give her the impression that you are interested in other women. By casting your eyes in the direction of other women it is as if you are saying that you want your body to be there too, instead of where it is now. Do not give women that impression. If you do, then you would be better off heading in the same direction where you sent your eyes. At least that will be what the woman you are...
However, don't count yourself out just yet, because she is still giving you a subset of the first sign (which was - telling you what is _not_ happening with her man). She may tell you about other sexual exploits - if she cheated on him before, or if she cheated on an old boyfriend etc. So this woman is hitting all the signs. She's opened up to you, she's making time, she wants to call the shots as to when you get together, and now she's telling you she cheated. The next time you see her, or talk to her - act like you think her cheating is no big deal, that you respect it when women can go for what they want. I have also found an attack on the sexist nature of the whole idea of monogamy to be very effective The whole idea of monogamy dates back to a time when women were treated as property. Men ran the world and made all the rules. So men could have mistresses and concubines, but if a woman cheated she was stoned to death. It is completely sexist and...
The best method for ending it is to place the blame on a difference of goals and objectives. This keeps the breakup out of the blame-game where each person makes the other responsible. Men are already aware that most women would prefer a long-term romance leading to marriage. While you'll find that a lot more women are into short-term relationships these days too, they still feel as if they've failed if they aren't able to make it work long-term. Women have evolved as monogamous mates, not casual.
You see, women are programmed by default to have monogamous relationships. You can do two things about this accept it and go along with it, or create new rules and reprogram the girl to follow them. Now if you really like her, and want to stay in a monogamous relationship with her, it's basically very easy. Just see her a few times a week, and have sex with her regularly. If you want to keep her, you will need to give her sex regularly. That means, at least 2-3 times per week. If you are new to the game or really young I suggest you experience a few monogamous long term relationships like this, perhaps for 3-5 months. You will learn a lot about women.
I want to stress, that there's nothing wrong with monogamous relationships, falling in love in the classic, desperate way or getting married. Too often however people do these things because they don't think they have a choice. But then, when it turns out, they could actually have had a choice and there were even better options available, they close their eyes and start preaching on the benefits and superiority of their choice over other options and the supreme and divine wisdom of the choice they actually made in ignorance.
PARTY This chick just wants to have FUN. Fun, fun, fun. Any guy that ties her down will be an anchor that she will cut free at the earliest opportunity. She will say she wants just one love, but this is Cinderella-speak. She really wants to enjoy serial monogamy to its fullest. She is most sensitive to men who try and tie her down. Her friends are the most important part of her life at this stage - a holdover from her teenage and college years. Catch her at the right time, and you could be having fun with her.
Subset of the first sign (which was - telling you what is not happening with her man). She may tell you about other sexual exploits - if she cheated on him before, or if she cheated on an old boyfriend etc. So this woman is hitting all the signs. She's opened up to you, she's making time, she wants to call the shots as to when you get together, and now she's telling you she cheated. The next time you see her, or talk to her - act like you think her cheating is no big deal, that you respect it when women can go for what they want. I have also found an attack on the sexist nature of the whole idea of monogamy to be very effective The whole idea of monogamy dates back to a time when women were treated as property. Men ran the world and made all the rules. So men could have mistresses and concubines, but if a woman cheated she was stoned to death. It is completely sexist and hypocritical. I think you should listen to your heart and your
Women will want a monogamous, committed relationship as soon as they have determined that you are a marriageable option. She will want to lock you in and keep you from dating around, so you must be clear and careful in your communication early on as to your intentions. If you have no intention of getting married, say so. If you have no intention to date just one woman, say so. But also be sure to say this with your actions. If you court a woman intensely, and spend a great deal of time with her, she will want to be exclusive with you. It's a perfectly understandable protection mechanism. You'd want a woman you were getting serious with to date only you, as well.
And there's is no rule that says you have to be with a different woman every night. If you find one who's exceptional, feel free keep her around for as long as you're enjoying the relationship. In our own experience, we find that serial monogamy often works quite well as we alternate between monogamous relationships and absolutely carnivorous periods.
Men rush in and latch on to the woman of their life - as if there is no tomorrow -and the woman is viewing it totally differently. She visualizes pain before pleasure. Spends time thinking of what the future holds and neglecting how she can hold on to the present. Exclusivity, monogamy - women yearn for that - but all at the pace which she sets. The course and speed of the game is decided by her. You will earnestly desire to quickly end the emotional distress associated with dating and stabilize the relationship - none of the wildness of dating will make you happy - you will want to go steady with a single woman. There may be plenty of reasons for such behavior from men - seeking immediate but temporary monogamy. Definitely, a faulty understanding of women and wrong assumptions about how women think and what they believe is one of the main ones.
5) You trigger her exclusive mechanism too early Women don't want to be exclusive with any man right off the bat, and by focusing your attention on one woman, you will get them believing this is your intention, even if you're only thinking of them as temporary. By focusing all on her, she intuits this to mean that you want a monogamous, long term relationship, and this is never your objective until you've known her for several months.
Though I knew my new mindset was seriously warped, I felt more ethical in many ways as a PUA than I had been as an AFC. Part of learning game was not just memorizing openers and phone game and rapport-building tactics, but learning how to be honest with a woman about what I expected from her and what she could expect from me. It was no longer necessary to deceive a woman by telling her I wanted a relationship when I just wanted to get laid by pretending to be her friend when I only wanted to get in her pants by letting her think we were in a monogamous relationship when I was seeing other women.
What's interesting is that we are socially programmed by our families, religions, and schools that monogamy is the way to go. Commitment to one partner is in the interest of the safety and well being of the children, and for the most part we do a pretty good job of it. But our selfish genes have their own means to their own ends. Women are always thought of as the most monogamous sex.
Some men are eager to settle down and are looking for a future wife. Although we don't recommend that approach (we've seen too much carnage in the marital wars), it's your choice to make. If you're wife-hunting, you'll need a different strategy than if you're just looking for a one-night stand or (like many men) you're into serial monogamy.
What this means to you is that while you are in a hurry to find a decent woman you can have a smooth ride with, she's not looking at the same picture. She sees the potential for pain in risking her heart to you. True, she wants monogamy - one man - but she'll go at her own pace. The Big Trap that I'm referring to is that you are in a hurry to get into a steady relationship and out of the dating cycle for the wrong reasons. This trap presents itself most often to the guys that date infrequently or tend toward monogamous behavior. (Women are subject to this trap, also.) Those that are comfortable playing the field and dating many women - as I preach to you to do - do not suffer from this syndrome. You want to get out of the wild turbulence of the dating 'scene' so that you can establish one woman in your life. There are many reasons men slide into immediate monogamy roles, and an incorrect understanding of female expectations is one of them. Another reason men move too fast is that guys...
The Big Trap that I'm referring to is that you are in too much of a hurry to get into a steady relationship and out of the dating world - and for the wrong reasons. This trap presents itself most often to the guys that date infrequently or tend toward monogamous behavior. (Women are subject to this trap, also.) Those that are comfortable playing the field and dating many women - as I preach to you to do - do not suffer from this syndrome. You, as a man, want to get out of the wild turbulence of the dating 'scene' so that you can establish one woman in your life. There are many reasons men slide into fast monogamy roles, and an incorrect understanding of female expectations is one of them. They think that the only way they'll get laid is to pretend to commit.
This chapter began with the basic question why don't women want to have sex for pleasure Why do they insist that men pay for it, and why do they clamor for romance Romance , as conceived and practiced by contemporary women, is a sham, a plague which poisons the souls of men. It is a woman's viperous view of morality , and has shackled the male vitality in heavy chains. Hardly monogamous by nature, a man is nevertheless constrained to dam up his biological birthright of sexual freedom. He is forced to pay for what should be offered and shared openly. His own passions enslave him as we have seen, a woman's strategy is to use his lust against him, because then he will channel all his resources to her disposal, which is the sole focus of her life. Women are assassins of the male spirit.
Both ways work - but lying only works until you get caught. Unless you are a very imaginative and lucky guy, the honest way is easier and is not likely to hurt anyone. When you are promising monogamy but not practicing it, things get very difficult once you are caught with another woman. It won't go away without big drama and usually will finish the relationship. If you promise she's your only one and then begin acting suspiciously, she will look for proof of your disloyalty, making your life hell. And when she gets some, you are in trouble.
Women want monogamous relationships by nature. They don't want to date around, and when they do it is typically only after a breakup or when they are dealing with more issues in their life. So understand that your ability to keep things 'casual' with any particular woman will depend first on her disposition (is she looking for more than something casual), and then the frequency with which you see her. If you get together every month or so, you'll probably keep the monogamy beast at bay.