Books On Positive Thinking
There is only one effective cure for the distortion of the only option other women as beautiful and sensual as her. Unless you are a Yoga guru, your testosterone and other cerebral mechanisms discussed above, put you in a constant state of being at risk of suffering the cognitive distortion of the only option.
Always remember that what you think you're communicating with your confidence may not be received and interpreted the way you want. Confidence is a combination of many small behaviors that add up to the overall total self-confidence of a man. If you're not achieving congruency (your actions your beliefs) then you'll trigger alarms in her head and she'll lose her feelings of trust.
This is the most important ingredient in gaining confidence You must change your belief system and you will see this
There is no time statute on the issue of past. Whether it was 10 years ago, or 10 days ago, it has nothing to do with the girl you are about to talk to 5 minutes from now. What the past has done is fill you with negative beliefs that you carry on your shoulder like a bag of bricks.
Each night, just before you go to sleep, get rid of your automatic negative thoughts. Replace these thoughts with three things that you've done well that day. Focus on what you've achieved and stamp out the negatives. This process is even more effective if you take a few moments to write down your successes. The following morning, review your notes and congratulate yourself.
This is also a very effective method for killing your bad beliefs. Sometimes we have clients who feel very nervous about doing an approach because they simply do not believe that the woman will like them. They concoct all sorts of stories excuses in their heads as to why this is so. They may feel that they are not good looking enough, that their hairline is receding, and so forth. This negative belief system causes them to fail in attracting women and this failure further reinforces the bad belief system. A vicious cycle is created. If you identify with some of these people, then I want you to link pain to your belief system. When you feel alone, desperate, confused and sad, turn your anger towards that negative belief system. Understand that the negative belief system has created this loneliness, anguish, and pain. Breaking that negative belief system will result in the removal of these negative feelings and failures.
When you think of someone being a flirt do you instantly think game player Is it cheap or scary and you wouldnt be
My brain for something to say and then come out with Have you got the time Or some other crass chat-up line. She would then laugh at me, and my awful approach. CRUSHED I would then go home deflated, vowing to never try that again. My negative thoughts had kicked in -assumptions and mind reading never a good combination All this equalled a self-esteem and confidence issue. I walked off red-faced. For all I know she might have liked me and only laughed because she was equally nervous and this was her way of dealing with this awkward situation. Perhaps another assumption, but why assume the worst My lack of self-esteem was driving my negative thoughts.
Every man needs to understand that whatever you may be feeling about women and dating - anger, frustration, self-pity, anxiety, fear - these emotions are only present when you are not acting to realize your worthy goals. These feelings come up as a result of our post-facto analysis, but they are rarely grounded in reality. To progress and become a Dynamic Man, one who is attractive to women, you will have to value your actions more than your negative emotions. There is a reason that calling someone a man of action is considered a compliment.
Let me give you an example from my life for instance. I used to date a girl I was madly in love with. But because I was slightly overweight, I was always depressed, feeling I didn't deserve a girl like her. This bad attitude of mine eventually ended up driving her away.
When you act in a non-conformist way, you are acting based on YOUR beliefs. As long as you appear to know what the 'normal' way is but have actively chosen to be different, you're expressing self-confidence on a very subtle level. To act differently than what's normally expected means that you are strong and value your own beliefs.
Anyway, the crucial mind-set to adopt for yourself is to 1) drain away all the emotion from these flubs, 2) calmly and methodically (like a scientist) extract the useful data, then 3) erase the file from memory and move on applying what you learned to improve your chances next time. It's the damned negative emotions surrounding this task of seduction that makes the objective learning and improving of your skills so difficult. The solution
Beliefs are completely hidden from view but are the chief determinants of your performance. Useful, effective beliefs cost the same as bad ones, so why not use ones that serve you best Since no one has access to your beliefs but yourself, feel free to play with them. Pick outrageous, ostentatious, grandiose ones, even if they initially don't resonate with your personality. Think of them as a strategy. If they give you good results, keep them. If not, try new ones until you get the results you want. The foregoing nine principles were the content of your beliefs. Nine is about the right number because the conscious mind can attend to 7 2 items at a time (from Miller's classic 1956 paper). For these to affect your life and bring you closer to fulfillment, you must internalize them such that they become a part of your everyday mental makeup. For that, you need processes for internalizing and instilling beliefs. In my experience, one of the most powerful techniques for creating new beliefs...
You should steer far away from her own family drama, or any personal emotional drama of hers, because chances are there are a lot of negative emotions hiding in there that you don't want to uncover. Stick to other people's drama to have the right affect. If she starts telling you her personal drama, change the topic before you become her therapist.
Tip 28 Give yourself a break score your performance fairly in order to set up your next kick at the can
Go easy on yourself and remember that, like any great pool player, you need to think about setting up your next shot even while cueing the ball up for this one. Reasonable scoring of your actions and a willingness to absorb the lesson and dump the negative emotions preserves your stability and gives you the confidence to keep moving forward with new experiences. Working on women is like anything else in life, sometimes you just have to keep fouling off pitches to stay alive long enough for that sweet hanging fast ball to appear that you can finally take over the fence. That really describes the entire trick -- just stay in the game until you can break down Fate. It's a test of mental stamina more than anything else. Play hard, and remember to celebrate the effort as well as the victories. Till we meet again.
You see something, or hear it, or smell it, you filter it through your beliefs, THEN you can consciously think about it. Can you see how it'd be difficult to change your beliefs To get to an idea, you wind up filtering what you're sensing through your beliefs. So unless you come into something with an open mind, or your beliefs are wired in a very good way as to allow you to make constant adjustments to them, it can be very hard to change them until you're
Make the way you see the worlds count for something. Make your beliefs count. Make the way you think count. Be yourself But damn it, you had better make your beliefs count You had better stand up and be heard. What would you say if a woman told you that How do you really view someone who would say something as shallow as that What do you really want to say Make your beliefs and principles count. You most likely would want to say, You're a gold digger, shallow, and an arrogant expletive. I'd say that such a response would probably be counterproductive to your interaction. Instead, through the techniques you have learned, make your beliefs count.
I'm not saying you can't breathe when your beloved isn't around. I'm saying that the world seems a bit brighter, and you feel a bit better about yourself. When you feel this way, you're also past the infatuation stage, which is the stage where you actually do have a hard time breathing when the other person is around (those hormones are murder on lungs) and you've gotten past the limerence, the phase where you're addicted to love or you love the idea of being in love. You've settled into a wonderful but manageable phase where you work hard to please but not at the expense of yourself or your beliefs. You're content and happy and energized and sleeping well and eating okay hey, it must be love.
You do a form of meditation already, called daydreaming. So don ' t panic and attach negative feelings toward the word meditation. All meditation is, is an altered state of mind. When you sleep, you ' re in an altered state of mind. When you blank out on an important test or lecture, you ' re in an altered state of mind. When you watch a really good move, you ' re in an altered state of mind. And snce I have no interest in offending anyone ' s religious beliefs, I am in no way suggesting that you deviant from whatever your personal beliefs are. Instead, I have an interest in enhancing your spiritual experiences, and will be suggesting ways to get an enhancement that adds to whatever beliefs you already have.
It is just managing the initial relationship, so that it does not get out of control. Negative emotions will be eradicated and your partner will learn that, no matter what happens you are consistent with how you feel, and constant reassurance will not be needed between you. It will also add a little excitement and tension. This will be healthy at this stage. It will create interest and give you both space to get used to each other and will leave each other wanting more.
The ability to accurately interpret hand-to-face gestures in a given set of circumstances takes considerable time and observation to acquire. We can confidently assume that, when a person uses one of the hand-to-face gestures just mentioned, a negative thought has entered his mind. The question is, what is the negative It could be doubt, deceit, uncertainty, exaggeration, apprehension or outright lying. The real skill of interpretation is the ability to pick which of the negatives mentioned is the correct one. This can best be done by an analysis of the gestures preceding the hand-to-face gesture and interpreting it in context.
How you see yourself and what you think of yourself influence your behavior, and people will respond to you accordingly. Being depressed and having negative thoughts will get you nowhere. Your thoughts form your personality. Those who have negative thoughts and see everything as gray will attract such things into their lives. People who learn to control their thoughts and strengthen themselves with positive affirmations become successful.
Flirting baggage is all the bad experiences we carry with us that convert into negative feelings and effectively stop us from fulfilling our flirting potential. Banishing your flirting baggage is a must before you rebuild your lovely flirting skills. Two types of baggage exist
15)Problem solver Are you the kind of person who likes a challenge Do you enjoy the ability to think your way through a situation to a solution Do you find overcoming obstacles as a rewarding experience If you answered no to any of those questions, re-think your state of mind. You have to be an active problem solver to be a leader, and especially if you want to attract more women. The dating and seduction situations you will find yourself in demand a lot of creative problem solving. Thinking is the easiest, and hardest work for a man to do.
The longer you think, the more you are going to freak yourself out, especially if you are new at this. You will come up with more and more reasons not to do it, more and more fears and negative thoughts. The fuel for this negativity is time. So eradicate time from the equation.
Women may use different words to describe these kinds of guys, but it all boils down to the same thing these guys have a bad attitude. And when a guy with an ego problem (which is the cause of his bad attitude) gets rejected by a woman he always puts her down. And he always approaches her with an opening line (discussed in great detail in Chapter 8). In Chapter 7 you'll learn that a bad attitude and a bad personality (which is really an attitude) are the 1 turn -offs to 40 of the women I surveyed. With a bad attitude, it doesn't matter how good looking, intelligent, well built, well-dressed, or rich you are she won't have anything to do with you. Guys with an attitude problem do everything they can to put up a false front and hide their true selves. They feel the easiest way to get laid is to get her drunk, give her recreational drugs (like cocaine), or both. They're willing to do anything to get laid except give of
But how does this information have any practical value for you Well, once you know someone's thinking preference you can make a pointed effort to match their pattern by inserting conversational cues that suggest that you too share the same cognitive bias. This creates an instant feeling of closeness and comradery because the basis of all romantic attraction is simply this people like people who seem similar to themselves. Finding someone who seems to be on your wavelength - who holds the promise of one day being able to communicate with you in shorthand and discerning glances - can be quite thrilling, for either sex. Finding someone so in tune with your own way of seeing the world validates your viewpoints and opinions doing so in a way suggests you're a pretty smart person without actually coming out and saying so. A person who seems to mirror your outlook and thinking style is very appealing on a subconscious level.
An important concept about women never keep women from feeling negative emotions. Women love negative emotions as much as positive ones. This is very much different from what your parents and teachers told you, so if a woman feels negative emotions, don't try to help her, don't try to keep her from feeling these emotions or you risk coming across as an unattractive nice guy and breaking the Rapport with her resulting in her slowly becoming your enemy.
Practicing positive self-talk is also helpful. Self-talk, as you may recall from Chapter 4, is the little voice in your head that constantly makes judgments about you and the world around you. Self-talk is really nothing more than a series of thoughts, and, since thoughts create feelings, you can change your feelings by changing your thoughts. With conscious effort, you can redirect any negative thoughts into positive ones. If you consciously and constantly tell yourself that what you're feeling is excitement about the upcoming seduction, and not fear, you just may end up convincing yourself.
Whatever you may feel inside, it is important to project a positive and charming image. Your projected image is the sum total of the appearance and personality by which you are judged by others. Your projected image depends on the way you stand, speak, dress, smile, walk, make eye contact You package yourself to others this way and the more beautiful the package, the more readily accepted it is. The first step to packaging yourself properly comes from your beliefs.
Put an end to the bad and limiting beliefs. From this day forth, things will be different simply because you believe differently. You are making a pledge to improve yourself, your beliefs, your attributes, and your actions. For the time being, what are your current beliefs regarding approaching strangers Unless you are a sales rep or some sort of a recruiter, you may have some negative beliefs towards approaching women.
i just can't seem to get my ass out there and do it because i've linked so much pain to sarging, when i think of going out i feel pain and when i know i have excellent opportunity to talk to a girl i can't do it because of pain, i feel anxiety and frustration with negative beliefs in my head that the set wont go anywhere.
In itself, I think being a pickup artist is much more desirable than being an AFC. But to me, being a DJ is much more than this. A DJ is a state of mind where you learn to control and eliminate negative emotions which serve no purpose, such as fear and worry (in most cases).
We all have negative belief systems that hold us back though life, but they are not fixed - you can change them. I'm sure at some point in your life you have achieved something amazing, something that years before you believed was not possible, by achieving that goal you dispelled that fact and therefore proved that your beliefs are not facts. So, if you feel you cannot be a natural flirt, you will be wrong. It can be learnt. All you have to do is understand the processes and try some of the exercises in this book. In a short time, you will be in full-flirt mode and wondering what all the fuss was about as you focusing on having fun with your new toy which is YOU Just watch how people react differently to you. What's more, watching how others interact is fascinating. You won't be able to stop. It's a great game in bars to try to work out who is hitting on whom and then watch their progress.
Exactly what to say and how to act in a way that a great looking woman would find charming, clever and intriguing, as opposed to stupid, laughable and humiliating. Right The need to avoid these negative emotions overrides whatever horniness that you have. Simply put, ignorance begets fear.
It's the same for any attractive action You can pinpoint what the action is and do it, that's good. But to really become good at the game, you need to take it to the next level and find the BELIEF that that action comes from, and make it one of YOUR beliefs. As for what your beliefs should be that's up for you to decide. The first step is figuring out two things The best thing you can do to help yourself reach a goal is find a suitable belief. BUT, reworking your beliefs can take a while, and it's good to take action right away. In the meantime, as you grasp and REALLY REALLY believe your beliefs, you can work on emulating the behaviors someone with that belief would do.
That's right I am the prize I will make the effort to meet a woman and try to open her up to me. But if she tries to snub or disrespect me and has no sense of humor when I call her on her bad attitude, then I don't waste my time on her cuz there are a million women who are ten times finer, smarter and more entertaining she'll ever be
Beliefs are completely hidden, not even manifest to the trained eye. Sometimes beliefs can be extrapolated from actions, but not very accurately. Since your beliefs are yours to know alone, it makes sense to have the most effective beliefs possible, as grandiose or foolhardy as they may sound. Strong, empowering beliefs cost as much as mediocre, ineffective ones they're all free. So use the beliefs that serve you best.
You must work on getting rid of any of your own insecurities and learn to restrain your suspicions and negative thoughts about your girlfriend. Nothing is worse to a woman than a madly jealous or angry guy who is targeting her when she is innocent. It really makes the guy look like a substandard male.
Confidence to your beliefs about yourself, your life and how you feel inside. C. Capabilities are driven from your beliefs in combination with your identity. What do you believe you are capable of doing If you asked a lawyer about his capabilities versus a teacher, you would get different answers that would be driven from their beliefs and identities What are your beliefs What do you believe you can do What do you believe you are able to accomplish
Not only will we provide you with the neccessary tools for the tricky situations and challenges you will encounter, but we will improve your attitude and mindsets using interactive exercises which streamline your thought patterns, destroy negative thinking and eliminate self-imposed limitations.
You need to recognize any negative beliefs you may have about yourself, and at least isolate yourself from them long enough to consider the ideas. Many times I'll tell a student of mine that he's attractive, but the idea can't make it through his beliefs without me making him recognize that his beliefs need changing, far before I logically convince him of the (relatively) simple fact the he's attractive. Don't let your beliefs stand in your own way. They're ingrained in you, largely by your upbringing and experiences, but they're a lot more flexible than you might imagine, which is a good thing.
I get emails all the time from guys that have no problem starting a conversation with a woman or even getting her number. But it's almost always after this point that the initial flare of success starts to slide downhill, and without a plan, the dating, the attraction, the possibilities disappear. She never calls you back, and you're just left scratching your head and wondering why you can't understand women. You might even start to attach negative feelings to the process of meeting women, and you start on the Downward Spiral.
As I covered in the chapter, The Alpha Mind Voice, when in situations that we are uncertain of, that we are nervous about, we tend to talk insde our own head. We imagine posssble outcomes, we hear things that we hope don ' t really get said, we ask ourselves all knds of questions. And based on the positive or negative emotions we are feeling as we do this, it ends up showing in our physsology, our voice, and our overall energy And just as THAT chapter covered how to better talk to yourself, this chapter adds to that by suggesting you develop certain song to play to yourself.
Drunk with power, calculating and self-centered, the false feminists trampled men into peonage, and sexually famished males doled out anything these harpies grasped for. Women had become true oppressors, and they were scavenging male flesh with red tooth and claw. But in order for a tyrant to most ruthlessly exploit her victims, she must first depersonalize them into things , so what little conscience she has will never bother her. Thus the pseudo feminists borrowed the hate and blame cards from the radicals' nasty deck. With shrill, venom-laced voices they began to vilify men as pigs and liars , to label them as sex-crazed seducers worthy only of scorn. Such depraved creatures could hardly be thought of as sex objects instead women degraded them into money objects . And when these women weren't handed a job or a promotion, they put the blame on men-never on their own incompetence or inexperience. If no one asked them for a date, it was because men were intimidated by their...
Many people will not put themselves in a position to be rejected, because the thought of being turned down is too much to bear, so they don't bother. If she says no, I will be gutted - that negative thought will push you away from ever approaching anyone. OK, if she does say no, it's not always about you. She could have many reasons as to why she is not interested in chatting. Most people will talk to you if you are polite, even if they are not interested in you physically. If they are rude, then what have you lost A rude person And who wants that So, what we are left with is a belief issue. Now, ask yourself this How do I feel about going over and saying hi If you think 'I can't go over to say hi' change the word - can't - in that sentence to - won't. Then ask yourself why won't you You may answer 'because she may not like me', or 'he is too gorgeous, he will never be interested in me.' Or 'I'm just scared of being rejected'. This what is known as a limiting belief. It is not a fact....
You see, women love to be challenged. The best part about daring games is that you are pitting one woman against another, and a woman hates to be outdone in competition against another woman, or women. By daring her, you put her in another position to prove herself, and you'll get her to work more to your expectations than her own limiting beliefs.
Next, try moving a bit closer to her and see if you can get her to uncross her arms with some subtle eye contact. Next, cast your eyes toward her as if you are offering sympathy for whatever bad feelings she is harboring. The final step will be to open her up with conversation, perhaps asking her about her day and getting to the root of the reason for her closed body positions. See if by using open postures, you can get her to drop her negative feelings. You might even try getting her to mirror your positive gestures. You may be surprised to find how easy it is to have people shake their negative feelings and how flattered they become from the outreach of a stranger. I can also guarantee that by opening people up, they will feel more positive and will also attach these positive feelings to you.
Encouraging Cooperation and Trust Negative emotions destroy communications. It hampers understanding, prevents trust and promotes simmering resentment. Most interpersonal relationships can be frayed by negative emotions. To facilitate counseling, effective methods to neutralize negative emotions have been devised. These are Emotion Neutralizers.
When the index finger points vertically up the cheek and the thumb supports the chin, the listener is having negative or critical thoughts about the speaker or his subject. Often the index finger may rub or pull at the eye as the negative thoughts continue. Because a gesture position affects a person's attitude, the longer a person holds the gesture, the longer the critical attitude will remain. This gesture is a signal that immediate action is required by the speaker, either by involving the listener in what he is saying or by ending the speech. A simple move, such as handing something to the listener to alter his pose, can cause a change in his attitude. This gesture is often mistaken as a signal of interest, but the supporting thumb tells the truth about the critical attitude (Figure 63).
I know a woman in her fifties, gray hair, out of shape, built like a box, bad attitude. On a scale of 1 to 10, she's at best a 5. But she tells me that she's only going to date men 20 years younger with a lot of cash. And she's serious What does she possibly have to offer I just can't believe how arrogant women are. They all think, I've got a pussy and every guy wants it. Sure, every guy wants it when you're a young babe, but not when you're an old prune. These women are dreaming.
From this moment forward, I want you to move through life with grace and finesse. Treat every movement you make as if it is choreographed. You'd be amazed how your spirits change for the better when you dance through life Don't know how to dance Whoa man you got bigger problems than getting chicks, for you are missing out on one of life's greatest pleasures Learn from friends, take classes or do whatever it takes to get some basic moves down. Practice at home in your boxers if need be, but I highly suggest you get your groove on. Dancing is therapy. It evaporates negative thoughts and puts you in the mood to celebrate your life, a truly excellent prelude to meeting women
These tests reveal that, when the listener folds his arms, not only has he more negative thoughts about the speaker, but he is also paying less attention to what is being said. It is for this reason that training centres should have chairs with arms to allow the attendees to leave their arms uncrossed.
Warm dominance is often the most difficult one to get since it has a lot to do with your beliefs which are hard to control. In other words, are you acting differently or do you feel differently because you like a woman If the answer is yes, then you don't have warm dominance.
Everyone has bad days for a great variety of reasons, most of which are beyond our control. If a woman is giving off bad signals it's probably best to leave her alone and let her shake these negative emotions before approaching her. If you are present during these feelings she may project her negative attitude onto you. During rough times, it's especially inappropriate to make sexual advances. The last thing on someone's mind during bad times is a sexual relationship (well, most often).
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