I believe that deep down, men desire many sexual partners. However, we do desire eventually to find one woman to have an intimate, lasting relationship with. As long as the decision to be with one woman is not made from a standpoint of scarcity (i.e., can't do any better, afraid of being alone, settling) this is a completely understandable goal for many guys.
I personally believe that a man can stay with a woman if:
- She challenges him
- He respects her, and she respects him equally
- They both understand their gender roles
- They avoid too much familiarity
- Can learn to love the things they might actually "hate" about each other
In simplest terms, I think the last one sums it all up, but it's the hardest thing to understand. How can you love what you hate about somebody?
Think about your friends for a minute. They're not perfect. Nor is anyone in your family for that matter. Everyone has flaws. When we're young, we have a tough time dealing with other people's shortcomings. Only when you begin to mature in mind and spirit do you figure out that we have to like our friends for who they are, not who we might want them to be. You learn that the things that you might not like about them are what make them different from you, and those differences are necessary. Then you realize: Holy crap! They might feel the same way about me! There might be things about me that they don't like... but they're friends with me anyways.
When it comes to long-term relationships with women, men have a big challenge. We desire novelty, yet the things that women do that we don't understand we let get under our skin rather than just accepting them and moving on. Everyone is guilty of trying to change someone to suit them at one time or another.
Women are never going to be men. That's what I love most about them. I don't need a girlfriend who gets into action movies or digs old Heavy Metal groups. If she does, it's a bonus, but it's a bit unrealistic.
So you have to learn how to take her flaws and the things you don't like about her and learn how to love them in an odd sort of way. No, you'll never fully understand or care for all of them, but when she says she just needs to "talk" or when she cries while watching a movie with Susan Sarandon, the feelings that come up in you will be forgiving rather than, "Oh, #&$%!, here we go again. "
Now if there are too many incompatibilities or negative traits, I say dump her now. No man needs a woman that:
- Criticizes or is negative
- Has major sexual or emotional issues
- Plays manipulative games
- Cheats or is promiscuous
- Has a substance abuse problem
Or any number of other things you might find unacceptable.
But if she's good, and you find a dynamic that works, you may want to put the work in that it takes to keep it together, as long as that work doesn't mean sacrificing too much of your identity or self. You should never have to change drastically for any woman, nor should she have to change drastically for you. But a little change is good, as long as it makes you a better person along the way.
A good case in point of what makes a relationship last can be seen in the lives of the men who were part of the military during World War II. These men took the risks, and risked their lives every day. Their wives had to learn to live with the possibility that their husbands wouldn't come home, and there were so many that didn't. Their marriages lasted because they truly understood what mattered and what didn't, and how to make the most of what little time they had.
There is the saying that the hardest pottery is clay fired in the hottest ovens.
What is the perceived value of a relationship that could end at any moment? That is what the life of an Alpha Man is about. Not that you go out every day with a high probability of being killed in an accident, but when you realize how fragile and temporary life really is, the reminder is just as valuable.
You value the time you have most when you believe that it is limited.
© 2003 -2004 - DD Publications - All Rights Reserved -
APPENDIX III: REQUIRED ALPHA MAN LEARNING MATERIALS
A big part of your learning process entails observing male behavior "in the wild." After reading this book, you now have an understanding of what the Alpha Man is like. Expand your learning by reading these books and watching these movies for first-hand observation. Soon, you'll be able to take any person and figure out whether they are a true Alpha or Beta.
The Dating Black Book: Carlos Xuma (available at www.datingdynamics.com)
The 48 Laws of Power: Robert Greene
The Prince: Niccolo Machiavelli
Book of Five Rings: Miyamoto Musashi
The Art of War: Sun Tzu
Pulling Your Own Strings: Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
The Lucifer Principle: Howard Bloom - An essential exploration of the forces and the relationship among genetics, human behavior, and culture. A fundamental book that will change how you think about "evil" and the basic biological urges of mankind.
The Power to Influence: Paul McKenna, Michael Breen. Nightingale Conant
The 10 Qaualities of Charismatic People: Tony Alessandra, Ph.D. Nightingale Conant Audio.
Just pick up any Nightingale-Conant audiotapes and CD sets. Get on their catalog list and start investing in your own self-development. You can't have too many of these programs.
© 2003 -2004 - DD Publications - All Rights Reserved -
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