"Once There Was A Rooster Who Stayed Awake All Night Waiting For The Sun To Rise, And Then Suddenly It Dawned On Him"
Chapter 4 begins with more homework. So get ready i with a pen and your notebook. I'm going to put you into a hypothetical situation. At different points of the story I waijit you to stop and write down in your notebook how you feel at that particular moment in the narration.
You're continuing to build your own personalized manual, along with my instruction, on how you can best approach, meet, and pick up women. Only you can answer these questions and only you will know if your answers are honest. Wherein you might try to fool me, just to prove I'm wrong, you can't fool yourself.
Not only that, but as you will see, the only person you'll be cheating is yourself. If I gave you my answers you might say "Well, yeah, that could be true, but I wouldn't necessarily feel that way." Or, you might say, "Yeah, I'd feel like that, but it's only part of the way I'd feel."
This is why you need to sit down and write out you're own personal feelings about the situation I'll be putting you in under the circumstances I'll be describing.
Just follow my instructions as the story unfolds. Here goes: :
You're sitting in a bar, alone, nursing a drink. There &re a few empty stools at the bar, including one on each side! of you. In walks a guy, 6'5" tall, weighing 250 pounds. He lo0ks the bar over, sees the empty bar stool next to you, goes over and sits down. You were completely involved in your own thoughts-listening to the juke box or watching the ball game on T. V.--at the time, so you're totally unaware of his presence until he actually sits down next to you.
As you hear him sitting next to you-you hear him pulling the bar stool back so he can sit on it--you turn to see who it is. As you look at him what is the first thing that goes through vour mind?
Now I want you to actually write down what your initial responses are to this situation so far and how you would feel. At this point, the only information I've given you about this person is that it's a man, he's 6'5" and he weighs 250 pounds. Your responses to this situation are crucial to your success with women. That's why it's so important for you to actually write your answers down in your notebook. This way you can see them in black and white and, more importantly, refer back to them.
So far, not one word has been spoken. All he's done is sit next to you. As you look at him, what about him do you notice? What, specifically, do you look at? As you look at each area of him, what goes through your mind? Write these things down on your paper. I don't want your answers to be vague generalities. I want you to be as specific as you can be. You'll see why in a minute.
Do you look at his clothes, his face, his hair? Write all of these things down. For example: you can't write down "I noticed his hair is long and he smells bad" because I haven't given you that information. What you can write down are things like: 'The first thing I notice about him are his clothes; the second thing would be what he smelled like; the third thing would be his hair length," etc.
Regardless of what else you write down on your list, I guarantee the two areas that will be the most important are his eyes and his size. You'll look at his eyes to try and read hirti, to figure out what kind of a person he is, and you'll look at Wis size and realize he's bigger than you are.
Then, regardless of what else you see, one thought is going to go through your mind: "no matter what-I don't want to piss this guy off." The reason is obvious: if you do piss him off, he'll kick the shit out of you. And if he waits for you outside, you no longer have the bar's protection, and since (once you leave) the bar is no longer legally responsible, they're not too concerned about you. If the bartender thinks you're a pain in the ass, he's going to care even less about what happens to you.
This, on an animal level, is what's going to go through your mind. It's called the survival instinct. Without it you would have been dead long ago. No matter what anyone says or does to try and change your mind, you listen to this inner voice called the survival instinct. I'm sure you agree with me.
This whole process has taken about 2 seconds. The guy hasn't said one word to you yet, but you've already been bombarded with a tremendous amount of information about him. This process is basically answering 4 questions that aj*e uppermost in your mind: who is this; do I feel safe; what do^s he want; and why is he sitting next to me? At this point, y0u can tell him not to sit there; you can get up and move; or you can leave the bar.
I think you'll agree that at this point in the situation, those 3 choices exhaust your options. Since part of his legal rights as a citizen of the United States is to be able to walk into a public place and be served, if you tell him not to sit there (or ask the bartender to tell him) you'd better have a damn good reason.
So, about 3 seconds have passed since you first heard him pull the bar stool out to sit on it. You've looked at him and done a quick "survival instinct" evaluation of him as he sits down. And~because this is your homework-you've written down in your notebook everything about him you looked at.
And then next to that you wrote down everything you felt about him.
He sits. (I am assuming you're allowing him to sit there and you stay seated too.) The scene continues. The bartender comes over to him, places a cocktail napkin down, and says a friendly "Hi. What are you going to have?" The guy smiles back and says, "Hi. I'll have a gin and tonic."
The bartender leaves and the guy sitting next to you pulls out his wallet and takes a $20 bill out and puts it on top of the bar. The bartender returns, puts the drink down, takes the twenty and returns with the guy's change. The guy takes a .
sip out of his drink, looks at you and says, "Hi. My name is Tom."
Now we stop the scene and analyze again: how do you feel? What thoughts are going through your mind? Write them down. Remember, he's bigger than you are.
The scene continues. You look at Tom and say, "Hi, I'm Jerry." Tom extends his hand to shake yours and says, "It's ni<ie meeting you." Stop the scene again: how do you feel now? Write it down.
The scene goes on. You shake his hand and say "It's nice meeting you, too." And you go back to your drink. Tom takes out a lighter and a pack of cigarettes and offers you one. You say, "No thanks. I don't smoke."
"Oh, I'm sorry . . . then I won't smoke, either," and he puts his cigarettes and lighter away.
Stop the scene. Again, how do you feel? What's going on in your mind? Write it down. The scene continues. You go back to your beer. Tom takes a sip of his drink. He's completely relaxed. A moment goes by. "Say, Jerry ... are you from around here?"
"A few miles from here." You finish your drink.
"Let me buy you a drink," says Tom, seeing you're realty for another one.
Stop the scene again: How do you feel? Write it down. The scene continues. "No, thanks," you say nicely.
"Ah, come on. I insist. I just want to be friendly."
Tom finishes his gin & tonic as the bartender comes over. Tom smiles at the bartender and says 'Two more," Tom takes a quick glance at you from head to toe. Your eyes meet and he smiles a friendly smile.
Stop the scene again: How do you feel as he smiles at you? Write it down. Scene continues. You smile back, realizing he's bigger than you. He says, "It sure is difficult meeting people in this town, isn't it? I mean, people you can talk to."
"I guess so," you say, being polite, as you take a sip from your drink. He sips as you do, putting his drink down as you do. "Yeah, I've been in town for 3 years now, just over 3 years, and I've only met a handful of people that have been worth anything ... So what kind of work do you do? You look like you're in pretty good shape. Do you do construction work?"
"Na, I work out in the gym a few times a week, that's all."
"Well, it shows. You ever do any modeling? You've got the right look for it."
Stop the scene: again, how do you feel? Write it down, the scene continues.
"Modeling?" you laugh. "Me? It doesn't interest me."
"Well, what kind of work do you do?"
"I work in an office."
"Oh yeah, where?"
"That's something. I work downtown, too."
"Yeah, maybe we could get together for lunch or something," he says.
Stop the scene, how do you feel? Write it down. The scene goes on.
"Well, I appreciate it, but I always have lunch with my friends. A group of us at the office always eat together. Thanks anyway." You finish your drink. He watches you and finishes his. He calls the bartender over and says, 'Two more,!' without asking you.
Now how do you feel? Write it down. The drinks come. He picks up his drink, looks at you, puts his hand on your shoulder to get your attention and says "Cheers," as you look at him. (How do you feel now? Remember, he's bigger than you are. Write it down.)
You pick up your glass and say "cheers." He taps your glass, and looks into your eyes and smiles. Your eyes avoid his and you put your drink down (what would you say to him at this point? Write it down.)
"Ya know," he says, as he puts his hand on your arm, "I just don't understand why everybody's so uptight these days . . . would you like to go someplace and get a bite to eat. .. on me?" You look at him. He's completely sober and staring right at you with a warm, relaxed smile. (How do you feel? Write it down.)
"No thanks. I just came in for a drink and to watch some T. V." You turn to watch the set, ignoring him completely, but politely.
"No problem," he says, "so we'll watch some T.V." He takes his hand off your arm and slides it down to your thigh, resting it there. (Now how do you feel, what do you do, arid what do you say? Write it down.) "What show is this?" he asks you, and he starts to slide his hand up and down on your thigh.
You ask nicely (because he's bigger than you) "Please don't do that."
But he doesn't stop. You get out of your chair, and move to a different seat. Tom looks at you. The bartender looks at you, then at Tom. Tom smiles at the bartender and says "We're just moving closer to the T.V." He hands the bartender a $5 tip and picks up his drink and sits next to you again. (How do you feel? He's bigger than you. Write down your feelings.)
You look at the bartender. He's at the other end of the bar, talking with regulars, oblivious to your situation. You turn to Tom and say, "Look, Tom. This really isn't my scene. I just came to relax and watch T.V. tonight. I live with my girlfriend and we're very happy together."
He puts his hand back on your thigh and says "I forgot to tell you. I'm a 3rd degree black belt in karate. I used to fight in tournaments after I got out of Viet Nam." You look at him. He's completely sober. He squeezes your thigh. (How do you feel now? Write it down.)
You get up out of your seat and go over to the bartender and very nicely say, "I need some help. This guy won't leave me alone."
"What's wrong?" asks the bartender, looking at Tom, who can't hear you. Tom is looking at you both and when the bartender looks at Tom, Tom just smiles and shrugs his shoulders. The bartender looks at you and says, "Well, why don't you just sit over here." You realize very quickly that Tom is between you and the door, and that he has you trapped. You don't want a scene, so you sit in the new seat.
Tom comes over and sits next to you. (How do you feel? He's bigger than you and he knows karate.) He's stilt between you and the door. "Look," he says, "I bought you a few drinks, right?" "Yeah," you say, politely. "Don't you think you owe me something for that?" (How do you feel? Write it down.) "If you weren't interested, why'd you make me spend my money on you?" (Again, how do you feel? Write it down.)
You look over to the bartender for help. He realizes what's going on now because you've tipped him off that Tom is giving you trouble. He looks at Tom's size and back at you and puts his hands up in the air and shakes his head "No,f letting you know he doesn't want to get involved because he'i afraid of Tom's size. (How do you feel now? Write it down.) The bartender is now intentionally ignoring you both because he doesn't want to get involved. But he's only a few feet away.
You pull out a dollar and ask the bartender, "Could t have some phone change, please?" (You figure, fine: I'll call the police.) The bartender comes over and says "Yeah . . . but the phone's out of order. And the clean-up crew broke the house phone by accident last night." (Again, how do you feelt Tom is still sitting between you and the door and he's still a lot bigger than you are and he still knows karate . . . write your feelings down.)
The bartender walks to the other end of the bar. Tonji says "Look, I could always wait for you outside." Now what d<b you do? Let's say, miraculously, you get out of this situation safely. Would you ever go back into that bar again? Would you ever go into that part of town again? How would you behave in the next bar you went into? Would you ever go into another bar alone? This situation is obviously no joke. Tom, after all, started out being a really nice guy. There was no way you could have guessed this was the kind of person he was.
Now let's change Tom and go back to the beginning of the story, with everything just as before: You're sitting alone in the bar, nursing your drink, with 2 empty seats, one on each side of you. You hear someone pulling the bar stool out next to you so they can sit down. It's Tom again, you've never met, and he's the same 6'5", 250 pound guy he was before, and he still knows karate. The only difference is he's flamboyantly gay. He's not ashamed of it, he accepts it and even flaunts it.
He looks at you as he sits and smiles a warm, sexy smile. "Hi, handsome. Can I buy you a drink?" Before you can say anything, the bartender is there. "I want a gin & tonic. And buy this beautiful man whatever he's drinking," Tom says.
"No 'buts" about it. I'm buying you a drink, and that's that." Tom puts his hand on your arm and says, "My name is Tommy. I come in here all the time. I'm a nice guy. Having one drink with me won't kill you, will it?" Before you can answer, Tommy says "good." He pulls out his purse and you see he must be carrying close to $500 in cash.
The bartender comes back with the 2 drinks, puts them down, and says "Hi, Tommy. How have you been?"
"Just fine, Bryan. How about you? You certainly look nice tonight, too. But I saw this hunk first."
Tommy hands Bryan a $10 bill for the two drinks and says "Keep the change." Bryan laughs, shakes his head, and walks away, leaving you there alone with Tommy.
Now for your homework:
How do you feel after each step of the sceneL Remember his size. That's a crucial element here. Tommy's intentions are obvious. Now, if this situation was happening to someone else, and Tommy was only 5'2" tall weighing 120 pounds, you'd have to pick yourself up off the floor before you could answer because you'd be laughing so hard.
But let's go back to your situation, with Tommy being 6'5", weighing 250 pounds, and being flamboyantly gay. How would you feel and what would you do? Write this down on your paper. Is there anything Tommy could do to get you to go home with him? Remember his size. What would you say to him? Write that down. Remember, also, that money is nb object to Tommy. He'll buy you anything you want: booze, drugs, clothes, jewelry, you name it, he'll buy it. How do you know? He's just told you. Finish your list on how you would feel and what you would do to get out of it. Put the pen and paper down and relax. That was an unpleasant exercise, wasn't it?
Now I want you to take a good look at everything you've written about the situation with Tom, and then with Tommys and realize everything you've written about your feelings, youi panic with Tom and your bewilderment and fear with Tommys is exactly what a woman feels when she meets you and is not interested in you.
There is nothing Tom or Tommy could say or do that would get you to go home with them. Nothing. Period. The helplessness you felt because of their size is exactly what a woman feels when you approach her, because you're almost always going to be bigger than she is. (When was the last time you went out with a woman who was bigger than you? If you ever have-how did it feel?)
When you were little and Mom was bigger than you and you knew she could slap you around, how did it feel? And then when you got to the point of where you were bigger than Mom and you knew you could beat her up, were you still afraid of her? If Dad was a factor, how did you feel once you knew you could beat him up? Mom no longer had any real power over you, did she?
Now you're beginning to see how a woman feels when she first meets you. She doesn't know you from Jack the Ripper. You should also be able to see very clearly that if she isn't interested in you there is absolutely nothing you can do to change her mind. What could Tommy do to change your mind?
The information you can get from this exercise can put you on the right track to meeting and picking up women the right way if you take this exercise, and it's lessons, seriously. The more completely you were able to put yourself into that unpleasant situation, the more understanding you'll have for how the woman you want to meet feels.
You can clearly see that if a woman says no, the answer is no. You can also see that all of the pick-up lines in the world are useless (except the one I'll be giving you.) All the flattery, drinks, roses, drugs, jewelry, and gifts are a total waste of time and money when she's not interested. You might just as well take all your money, go into the men's room, and flush it down the toilet. At least that way you could avoid all of the incredible frustration that comes at the end of a night when you've spent all evening working on one woman and she says "no." You could also avoid all of the rejection and depression that follows. It will also save you a lot of possible embarrassment, too.
Now, I've spent a lot of time and effort setting those 2 situations up, taking you step by step through each one, so you would know exactly how a woman who's not interested feels, Tom and Tommy are two extremes. Before you got this book* I'll bet you fell somewhere in-between them in your approach to women. Tom is the really nice guy who thinks that because he's bought you a drink, you owe him something, and when he doesn't get it, he gets nasty. And Tommy is the gay counterpart to Johnny Stud, who only cares about the piece of anatomy between your belly button and your knees. What they both failed to realize is that the answer was "no" from you even before they sat down. And there was nothing they could do about it to change your mind.
I had to take you through the extremes of Tom to show you the utter helplessness a woman feels because the guy is bigger than she is. By putting you in her position and showing you how she feels. I'm hoping to save you a lot of time, money, frustration, rejection, and depression. You can learn this lesson now or continue to throw your money away indefinitely.
When my regular customers (that are my friends) come in and want to know how to meet women and want to know what they're doing wrong, I always start with the example of what would they do and say if a 6'5" 250 pound gay guy tried to pick them up.
After we talk it out (like you and I just did with Tom and Tommy), they all admit, honestly, that there is nothing this gay guy could say or do to pick them up. Then they look at me and say "Well, I guess if she's not interested, she's not interested. And that if the answer is "no," it's "no." Not "maybe."
For the record, both Tom and Tommy really exist. I know, because I've served them both. It never went to the extreme that it went to with Tom. But I have seen it happen several times, with different 'Toms" and different 'Tommys."
Sometimes it happened to me directly, sometimes to my customers. Curious as to how I handled it? I'll tell you: when someone like Tom comes in to the bar and sits down, it's impossible to miss him because he's so big. I then watch to make sure the customers next to him feel safe, because they got there first and they have just as much right to sit there as he does. If one gets up and moves to another chair I go over and quietly ask him why he moved.
If he says Tom is trying to pick him up or is bothering him in some way, I watch to see what Tom does next. If Tom stays put, the problem is over; if Tom moves and sits next to him, I pick up my baseball bat, go over to Tom, look him straight in the eye, and with a calm, firm voice I say "You get one warning: leave him alone. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. It's up to you. What's it going to be?" In 14 years of bartending, I haven't had a single guy that wanted to do this "the hard way." It's called "re-establishing who's in control."
When Tom has approached rn£ and I'm sitting in a bar, the moment I realize he's sexually interested in me, I look him straight in the eye and say, "You're a nice guy and I appreciate the offer, but I'm not interested. I have a girlfriend and we're very happy together. Thanks anyway." If Toin continues to talk or try to buy me a drink, I get up and move to another stool
If Tom follows me, I go over to the bartender and simply explain the situation to him. If the bartender refuses to help me (which is extremely unlikely), I remind him that if anything happens to me he is legally responsible. But I guarantee the bartender already knows that, which is why he will help you. If anything does happen to you, you can sue the establishment for everything they own.
As the bartender I handle someone like Tommy completely differently:
"Hi, Tommy, how are ya doing?" "Great, love. How are you?" "Fine . . . Babe, he's not interested, okay? He's straight. He has a girlfriend." Tommy then looks at you, back at me, down at the bar, back at me, nods his head and says "Okay, love. I'll sit over here," and he goes to another seat. The problem ceases being a problem because it's dealt with rather than ignored. When I've been in a bar and someone like
Tommy approaches me I stay calm and ask in a friendly voice, "What is it you want from me?" 'To get to know you better.!' "Why?" "Because I think you're cute." "But I have a girl friend." "That doesn't bother me." "But it bothers me. Thanks anyway." I stay calm and friendly and it throws them. It also gets them to leave me alone, in a nice way. I don't want to end up in a fist fight if I can avoid it. This approach avoids it. The most important things when deaing with people like Tom or Tommy are that you stay calm, and relaxed, and you look them straight in the eye.
When I became a bartender in Los Angeles, I had all types of gay men trying to pick me up. From guys that looked completely straight to the 'Tommy" type. They used all different kinds of approaches from subtle to blunt. In 1977 I even had one guy put 6-$ 100 bills on top of the bar and say "This is yours if you go home with me."
After I turned him down I thought to myself "So this is how it feels to be treated like a piece of meat." After enough situations like that, with several types of approaches from different kinds of men I realized: so this is how it feels to be a woman.
By sitting down and going over step by step how I felt, I could see why this whole approach was wrong. I could clearly see why it didn't work. By taking you through the same type of exercise I hope you can see why it doesn't work, too. This way you won't waste your time, energy, and money on a technique that guarantees failure.
It's highly unlikely the situation with Tom would have gone as far as it did. But at what point would you have gotten up and left? He started out friendly and was no threat in the beginning. In that case the odds are high that once you said "No," he would have left you alone. But if I let you off that easily you wouldn't have learned anything. And I had to drive ;; home two key factors about how a woman who's not interested feels: (1) that no matter what you say or do, the answer is wno1; and (2) that she's afraid of your size, which directly influences her behavior.
If you can realize, understand, and accept this basip concept as a major part of your foundation in your approach to picking up women then you're well on your way to having more women than you know what to do with. If you can't see th^s basic concept, then the rest of this book will be worthless to you.
Let's go into another aspect of how women feel.
You decide you want to buy a new car so you walk into a car dealership. You've chosen this particular dealership (instead of another one) because they have done extensive advertising offering incredibly low prices to anyone paying cash. So you walk in, briefcase in hand, and the salesman comes ovef to you. You tell him, honestly, that you have $30,000.00 in your brief case and you want the best possible deal they have.
He takes you over to the best car on the lot and proceeds to tell you all about the car, its good points, its options, everything. You and the salesman hit it off beautifully. He likes you and you like and trust him. He's well dressed, clean shaven, college educated, warm, friendly, concerned, and he's asking all of the right questions.
He goes to great pains to make sure you're happy with the car and all of your questions are answered to your satisfaction. But he never lets you test drive the car. (And he does this in such a way that you're never aware that he's not letting you test drive it.) You're happy, he's happy.
Then you decide to buy it. While all the paperwork is being done the car is brought out and put on the street in front of the dealership. You sign on the dotted line, give him the $30,000, in cash, he gives you the keys, and you go out and jump into the car. You're excited. You put the key in the ignition, turn it on, and nothing happens. Puzzled, you get out of the car, lift the hood, and see there's no engine in the car. Confused, you turn to the salesman and see he's laughing at you.
Suddenly you realize you've been had, and in a big way. You angrily go over and demand your money back. He laughs even harder and says, "Read the small print." You do and it says "This car comes 'as is' with no warranties, guarantees, or exchange policies. No money back. All sales are final."
If this really happened, what would you do? I'll bet you'd go and tell all of your friends never to buy a car from this guy. And you'd probably stand out in front of the dealership and tell anyone who would listen what happened to you. You'd probably even go to the police. Regardless of what you did, you would do something. You would figure out a way to get even with this guy, somehow.
Now you know how a woman feels, and exactly what she'll do, when you take advantage of her after she's trusted you with her feeings and/or her body. She will figure out a way to get even with you, somehow.
All this never would have happened had you read the small print and test driven the car. It's easy to blame the salesman, but in reality it's your fault for not knowing any better, for not accepting responsibility for the situation.
What would you do the next time you bought a car? I guarantee your attitude would be a lot different. Now let's take this same situation and make the car salesman a woman in the bar you want to have sex with. Instead of selling a car, she's selling her body. You put down your hard earned money (acting in good faith), she lets you buy her drinks, you take her home, and she says "No," laughing in your face. You say "I want my money back." She laughs even harder and says "Read the small print."
You look at the guy buying the car and say "How can he be so stupid?" I look at you in the situation with the wonian in the bar and say (you guessed it), "How can he be so stupid?? The sad thing is the guy buying the car learns after being burned the first time. But the guy with the woman never learns (because he just keeps on doing the same thing night after night with a different woman in a different bar.)
Now let's carry this analogy one step further: you are the salesman and the woman you're trying to pick up is the car buyer. The only difference is, she's already bought her first car (and been burned). Now she's buying her second car. Yon only get one shot at selling her your car. If you try to deceive her, in any way, you've blown it forever. She's even brought her girlfriends along to help her make the right choice. It's hard enough trying to deceive her, but trying to deceive them gets downright impossible.
When you approach a woman in a bar, she's already been burned at least once emotionally by a guy she's invested her feelings and trust in. This is why if you try to deceive her in any way, you will have blown it forever. See why it's easier in the long run to just be honest and be yourself? After all, you don't want hgr to lie to you - so don't you do it to her.
I hope you can see that the way you present yourself, your attitude, is the most important factor in approaching women. But just in case, I'll give you another example:
You've just lost the $30,000 on the bad car in the example above. But you still need transportation. You've scraped a few thousand together and since you can't afford a new car, you're forced to go to a used car lot, Honest John's, to be exact. As you walk into his office, you see that 'good old boy' Honest John sitting behind his desk. As he gets up and walks over to you, you remember the years it took you to save that $30,000 and how badly you were burned.
Honest John comes over, smiles, extends his hand and says, "Hi. What can I do for you?" You take one look at this guy and you know by looking into his eyes that all he wants to do is separate you from your wallet. You can feel it in your gut. You know in your heart that once you've paid for the car he's going to offer you that he could care less if you're happy
and/or if he ever sees you again. He has to put a roof over his f head and food in his stomach, and as far as he's concerned, ! business is business. If someone has to go hungry, it's better you than him.
Now remember: He's warm, friendly, polite, sincere, concerned, college educated, well dressed, clean cut, and he's f asking all of the right questions. Now, my question is this: with ; your "gut level" feeling about this guy, what could he possibly say to you to get you to buy a car from him? I think you'll agree there is absolutely nothing this guy could say or do, in spite of his appearance and attitude, that could make you buy a car from him (short of violence).
Now you know how a woman feels when a guy approaches her. She's been burned before and hurt before. Her feelings and emotions are just as valuable to her as your $30,000 was to you. She goes on a "gut level" feeling with guys, just as you did with Honest John. Your clothing, appearance, warmth, politeness, etc. won't mean a thing if her "gut level" says you just want to use her.
The main problem with Honest John was that he wasn't being honest and you knew it. This is how it is with any woman you try to deceive. If you're not being honest, she'll know it.
"But I don't want a relationship, all I want to do is get laid." you say. To which I reply-
- I COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF -
A guy sitting in the bar has spent the last hour trying to pick-up a woman. Ultimately, she turns him down and leaves. I go over to see how he's doing. He's half drunk. "She just used me," he says, hurt.
"Why do you say that?" I ask, interested to hear his side of the story.
"I wanted to get laid and she knew it. After I ran out of money, she left and just went to another bar."
"Yeah, I know the type. You want to get laid?"
"I sure do," he says, honestly.
"Why don't you just go to a hooker?"
"What, are you nuts? I wouldn't go to a hooker."
"I don't blame you." He relaxes, which allows me to ask my next question. "Why wouldn't you go to a hooker?"
"Are you kidding, they'd fuck anything for a dollar."
"Yeah, you're right." He relaxes even more. "Why would that bother you?"
"She doesn't care about me. I'd feel used."
"I agree with you completely." He relaxes even more. He and I have become "fast friends," because he's finally found someone he can talk with, who understands him, who isn't trying to play any games with him. "Why would you feel used?" I ask.
He's completely open now. "It's so cheap. I mean, if she's fucking me for a dollar, and every other guy for a dollar-all takers-Whites, Blacks, Mexicans, Indians, Japs and Jews-
then it's a real insult to my intelligence. Besides, I could easily i get a disease."
"Yeah, you're right. That's exactly the way I feel, tok I hope you have better luck next time. All she did was use you." This guy, as I got him to be more open, unintentionally gave me all the reasons he can't get laid. He told me, also unintentionally, that he really wants more than just sex (why would going to a hooker bother him: "She doesn't care aboiit me ..."). He wants someone to care about him.
The more difficult it is for him to get into her pants, the greater the prize, he thinks. It's a big game to him, and it doesn't occur to him that all h£ really wants to do is use heh she just beats him to it by using him first. It never occurs to him that he doesn't have anything she wants. It also never occurs to him that the problem isn't with her, it's with him. And since he doesn't see this, it just keeps happening with every woman he meets.
But let's look at this same situation a little differently: This same guy is in a nice bar, buying this woman drinks. He1s j decided he'll spend $50 on her, trying to pick her up (because that's all the money he has on him). If you've been in a nice bar before you know you can easily spend that much.
This woman, who's been through this before, lets this guy buy her one drink and she turns to him and says, "Look, you're ready to spend 50 bucks buying me drinks trying to get into my 1 pants. So let's not waste any time. Why not just give me the t $50 while we're both sober and I'll fuck your brains out."
His first thought is, "Oh, no. She's a hooker." The gig is up, the illusion is gone, the spell is broken. But let's look at the reality of this situation: how long does he think he's going to be able to keep this up and deceive her before he has to admit to her that he wants sex? The basis of what he's doing, and saying, in effect is: "I'm sitting here talking to you not trying to get into your pants. My intentions are strictly honorable. I hope, eventually, we'll both decide we want to sleep with each other. It would really be perfect if she decided on it first, then hinted to me and I could play hard to get. Then I could make her squirm and beg for it."
The woman asking for the $50 is just being honest. The guy isn't. Now, let's say you get lucky. Let's say you've completely convinced this woman that you want more than just sex. (And with the things you're learning in this book, it will be easy for you to do this.) You take her home, have sex with her, and never call her again. The following week you want a new conquest. You go back to the same bar looking for a woman and guess who's sitting at the bar?
That's right, her. Now what do you do? What do you say? And once she sees you, don't think she won't want to get even. She trusted you and you used her. She'll tell every single woman in the bar about you. She'll go into the Ladies' Room and talk with them.
It should be called "The Gossip Room," not the "Ladies' Room," because that's all they do in there. No one could possibly go to the bathroom as often, and for as long, as they do in there.
Anyway, your reputation in that bar is shot. And since very few people only go to one bar, the second they see you in another bar-wham, into the "Gossip Room" they go. They come out and you're a dead duck. Eventually you'll run out of bars.
Remember what happened to Jack in Chapter 2 (Class Begins) when he came back the following week looking for new prospects and the woman said she was friends with Brenda and Sue? I've seen it happen many times. My point is this: if all you honestly and truly wanted was to have sex, then a hooker will do fine. There are no games, wasted time, energy, or money. You're getting exactly what you're paying for and you know in advance exactly how much it will cost. If you are able to pick up a woman and have sex with her on the first night, do you honestly think you're the only person she lets pick her up and have sex with her? And you're worried bout diseases from a hooker? That's nothing compared with what you'll get from this woman.
So anything more than just clear cut sex (which is what you get from a hooker) constitutes a relationship on some level The depth of that relationship is determined by both of you, not just by you. I'll get into that later. But for now, I just want you to see that, whether you know it or not, you really do want more than just sex from a woman. Let's examine this a little further . . .
— THE NUMBER OF WOMEN WHO GO INTO A BAR TO GET PICKED UP —
This is the easiest question in the whole book for me to answer. I give you this figure with total conviction, absolute certainty, and without hesitation.
That's right. Not one single woman goes into a bar to get picked up (hookers don't count because that's a business transaction). Women go to bars to meet people. If you will look at it from the perspective of what §h£ wants, instead of what you want, it will begin to make sense. She knows what you want. You want to have sex with her. That's why you're there, that's why you're talking to her, that's why you're buying her drinks (I'll get into that later). That's why she's there, too.
But that isn't the only reason she's there. That isn't the only reason you're there, either. But the big difference between the 2 of you is she knows that and you don't.
Let's examine what I just said because it's crucial to your success. You're there for sex, she's there for sex. You're there for more than just sex but don't realize it, as she's there for more than just sex but does realize it. Before you disagree and say that all you want is sex (assuming my "hooker" analogy didn't convince you), let me approach it from a different angle:
Let's say you meet a woman and get along with each other. You have sex that night and you've had such a great time you'd like to see her again. You call the next day and say "Hi. It's me. I had great sex with you last night. Can I come over and have sex with you again tonight?"
"Good. Meet me at your front door with nothing on but a robe so we don't waste any time on unnecessary small talk. I'll see you at six."
. . . You're laughing. I'm not. This is a situation based solely on sex, nothing more. It might be a nice fantasy, but the reality is pretty sad. Anything you add to that situation makes it a relationship, which is exactly what she's looking for: a relationship, where sex is a part of it, but not all of it.
It's also what you're looking for, whether you know it df not, because if you get along with her you're going to warit to take her places. You're going to want to be seen in publite with her. If she makes you happy sexually, you're going to warit to expand your relationship into other areas, hoping she'll make you happy in those areas, too.
So, let's go back to how she sees you: She's looking at you in the bar asking herself: "Is this the kind of guy I want tb be seen in public with? That I want my friends to see me with?"
Sex is not a challenge to her. Getting laid is the easiest thing in the world for a woman to do. Being satisfied, now that's another matter, but getting laid is easy. So easy she's fighting them off. Just look at all of the guys hitting on her in that bar alone. So she looks ahead to: will it last; how longj; can I have a relationship with this guy, etc. I think you're beginning to see why so many guys fail. Their whole approach is wrong.
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