"How Can I Prove I'm Not Crazy To People Who Are?"
You can talk with psychologists, sociologists, marriage counselors, social workers, and anyone else who has a degree in human relationships and they will all be able to give you their version of the human condition and why things don't work. They'll give you statistics, charts, graphs, opinion polls, and anything else that looks impressive enough to sway your opinion over to their side. But rather than mess with these people, whose motivation is a combination of money, recognition, fame, status, and titles, I've decided to go to the real authorities: single people like you and me who are looking for relationships; single people who are all motivated by the same factor: loneliness.
Loneliness overcomes all barriers, walls, and obstacles in an attempt to satisfy one of the basic needs we all have: we need someone to care about us. The longer you go without having this need filled, the more overpowering it becomes. People will do anything to satisfy or resolve this need. In extremes, they will even commit suicide. They will go to places and get involved in situations that would make a kamakazi pilot stand back in awe. They are actually in the arena, playing the game, rather than sitting in the bleachers eating a hot dog and drinking a can of soda. If you want to get to know the $ame, you don't go to someone in the stands and get their opinion of what they think they see. You go to the players on both sides, and find out what they want, think, and feel. You go to the rank amateurs as well as the seasoned pros; the ones who have won as well as the ones whoVe lost; the ones who are happy as well as the ones who are sad. It is from them that you find out what the real rules are and how to play the game. You find out what works as well as what doesn't work.
It is for that reason that I have ignored all of the studies of my "competitors" and gathered all this information on my own. I've asked each person myself and was able to gain extra insight as to what each person really wanted, because even when they thought they were deceiving me, they were really telling me the truth.
I asked 101 men and 101 women three questions. Why 101 of each sex? Because most surveys will say "I've asked 100 people ..." Well, I decided to do them "one" better, so I asked 101 people.
I didn't just go up to the first 101 women I saw. They had to meet certain conditions. They had to be single, between the ages of 21-45, and someone I reasonably believed a guy would want to go out with. They also had to be "looking" for a relationship on some level. The women I stayed away from were: married women and/or women who were happily involved with someone, because they just aren't looking to meet anyone. I stayed away from ugly, repulsive women because they're losers and who cares what they think anyway.
The guys I interviewed had to meet the same conditions: no drunks, losers, or drugged-out guys that never had, nor ever will have, a remote chance with a woman, unless she's a hooker. The guys were all single men who I reasonably believed a woman would go out with, all between the ages of 21-45. Why that age group? Because 98% of all single people looking for someone fall into that age group.
Most of my sample is from men and women between 25* 35. People who have played the game for awhile, been irji a serious relationship or two, and may have been married. My sample includes all races, creeds, colors, financial statuses, intelligence levels, and tastes. All of them believed they wanted a variety of things, but my 14 years of experience in dealing with single people let me know the true motivation was they alt wanted someone to care about them. I speak as a participant as well as a spectator. However, I didn't include myself in the survey because it's too easy for me to "fix" my answers. My original goal was 101 men and women. I ended up with 102 women and 109 men. I could keep adding numbers, but what's the point. Anything over 100 gives you a good random sample, provided you have a wide variety of people and you don't just stick to your friends and people you know. The 211 people [I surveyed all had 3 things in common: they were all single; they were all "looking;" and they were all good prospects.
I tried to ask each person alone because I didn't Wa^it them to just give me their friend's answer. When a man aijd a woman came in together, I tried to ask them separately because I found the other person's presence could affect tlwjir answers. That doesn't mean it did. But it could. I know die example where the couple broke up because of the anSwcjrs each one gave. I know this because the next time I saw the gay
I asked him where his girlfriend was and he said, "After we answered that stupid survey, we got into an argument and we broke up."
It was fascinating to watch people answer the questions, and it was easy to tell if they were being honest or not. I had one situation on a Sunday evening that was slow (which gave me plenty of time to talk with my customers) that was a real eye-opener: there were 5 people sitting at the bar, 4 guys, one gal. One guy was by himself, 2 guys were together, and the other guy was with the woman. The seating arrangement was like this: the two guys sat together, an empty seat, the guy and his girlfriend sat together, an empty seat, and the single guy. All were minding their own business, talking with the person they came in with. The single guy was watching a ball game on T.V. I went over and said, "Hi. I'm doing a survey. It's not a joke, it's not a trick, it's for real . . . can I ask you three questions?"
Since it was so slow, they were all happy to be talking with someone. They all said "yes." I said, "Okay. Please don't let the other person's answer influence yours." I asked them the three questions. All 3 of the guys who weren't with women answered honestly.
The guy and the gal took a long time answering. I was interrupted halfway through the survey because I had to serve another customer. The guy and gal tried to leave so they wouldn't have to answer the last question. I politely stopped them and got all 3 questions answered. I couldn't use the results because it was so obvious they were lying. I found out just how obvious when I took down their half finished drinks and the 3 remaining guys started talking about it. The guy by himself, Jim, said, 'That's amazing. All they did was lie in their answers." Pete and Sam, the other two guys, said "Yeah, that was really something. You couldn't miss it. It was so obvious all he wanted to do was fuck her and all she wanted was his money. All they did was look at the floor and then at each other, and then back at the floor. Neither wanted to answer. You're learning a lot more from this survey than just the answers to those questions, aren't you?" "You're darn right," I said. "Would you let us know the results of your survey?" they asked. "Of course," I said, giving them a partial explanation of what I'd learned so far.
But for you I've given a detailed explanation. The actual answers are interesting. But it's what these answers mean that is so valuable. Take the man and woman I just told you about The actual answers don't matter in that case, because they lied. What is important is the interpretation of their answers. The interpretation is simple: their relationship is based on a lie. He's lying to her, and she to him. All he wants is sex, all she wants is to be taken to nice places. Every two weeks I see him with a new girlfriend.
A relationship based on a lie can not last. After a few times, the sex gets boring because there's nothing else there. I know, because I've tried to disprove that fact many times in my bartending career. After a while it doesn't mater how cute they are because you know if it's based on sex, and sex alone, it won't last long. Now, you may not know that, but I know that. And, more importantly, she knows that. So if you think you're just going to walk up to an attractive woman, buy her a few drinks, take her home and fuck her - guess again - she's played that game before, and it leaves her lonely. She realizes that sex, and sex alone, is not the solution to her problem.
To just give you the results of the survey, without giving you all the added information I gained, would be unfair. The results are interesting, but unless you know what they mean and how to use them, they're pointless. So I'll show you how to apply them, too. But before you see everyone else's answers, why not take the survey yourself, first, to see where you stand and how good your prospects of picking up women are. You'll also learn the kinds of prospects you'll be attracted to and the kinds you'll be successful with, as well as the ones who'll tell you to get lost.
Here's my survey:
(1) What's the first thing you notice about a woman?
(2) What's the first thing you notice about a woman you're attracted to?
(3) What's the first thing you notice about a woman you're not attracted to?
Seems harmless enough, doesn't it? When I got through asking people these questions, some of them got defensive. I'd just look at them in a friendly way and say, "That wasn't so bad, was it?" Some of them would get uncomfortable because they'd realize, on some level, that they'd given themselves away, but they didn't know how. "No," they'd say, "it wasn't so bad. But no more questions, okay?" How they respond, as well as the actual words, tell me a great deal as to where their heads are at. Sometimes it tells me more, as in the case I just gave you where all the guy and gal did was lie. So, okay. You've written your answers down to my 3 questions. Next, I'll show you the results of the 109 men and 102 women.
CHART #1 Survey - Women's Responses
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