Here is the first important pattern. Men, on the average, answered physically, women non-physically. Whit does this mean? My interpretation is: people who answered physically (tits, ass, body, etc.) are predominantly interested in sex. People who answered non-physically (eyes, personality, attitude) are predominantly interested in a relationship.
Already, you're beginning to see why there's friction between two people who meet. They both want different things. Neither is willing to compromise. The problem seems to be that the woman won't compromise, the man can*t compromise. The woman, generally speaking, has a lot more experience with men who just want sex and she's learned that's not the answer, so she won't compromise. The man, on the other hand, generally speaking, hasn't had much experience with women who just want sex, so he hasn't learned that sex alone isn't the answer. So he can't compromise because he isn't aware how much more satisfying sex is when you add emotional and intellectual rapport. And he's also possibly afraid (for whatever reason) to explore that aspect of himself. The non-physical woman realizes this and just avoids his advances completely. The beauty of sharing the concept of physical vs. non-physical with you is that the physical oriented men won't be able to fake interest in the non-physical area anymore than they could fake speaking fluent French to a Frenchman.
The concept of physical vs. non-physical is an area you're either aware of or you're not aware of. Those who arq aware realize how much more satisfying sex is when you have sex with the whole person-physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. So they rarely, if ever, just settle for a quick fuck, because it leaves too many other areas of themselves unsatisfied. It's like sitting down to a banquet meal when you're hungry. The non-physical person can see all of the food on the banquet table and can pick and choose what they want to satisfy themselves according to their particular needs, wants, and desires at the time. Those who aren't aware of the non-physical sit down at the same banquet table and have only a bowl of soup because they can't see the rest of the food there. The first person has a choice, because he sees the rest of the food, the second person has no choice, because he doesn't see the rest of the food. That's also why the person who can't see it can't fake it: he isn't aware that it's there.
Now, if you stick a physical man (who can't see the rest of the food) with a non-physical woman (who can see the rest of the food), how long do you think it will take her to figure out that he can't see what she has to offer? The length of time it will take her is in direct proportion to how hungry she is. And how long do you think she'll stick around once she's found out he can't see what she's trying to give? If you had a stop watch I'd wager it takes all of 10 seconds for this entire transaction to take place, (maximumV especially if he is hard core physical and she's hard core non-physical. Sometimes all it takes is a second, that's right-a second, and she knows.
How? Simple, she looks at the only area of you that can't lie-your eyes. Physical men can't look a woman straight in the eye. I don't know why. Maybe he isn't aware there's someone up there or maybe he's afraid she might see right through his phony charm (remember Mom saying, "Look me in the eye when you say that"?) The "why" doesn't matter. He point is he can't do it and she knows it.
The thing that amazed me was the fact that men who answered, "tits, ass, legs" to the three questions, or "body, tits, ass" (or 3 other body parts) were generally oblivious to the fact that they were dealing with a real, live human being. And men who answered "Body, Body, Body" or "tits, tits, tits" (or some other body part for the three answers) were totally oblivious to the fact that the woman was a real live human being.
The rest of her was something that just "had to be dealt with," something that had to be talked into giving up sex, as far as these men were concerned. How do you think that mak$s her feel? How would it make you feel? It never occurs to these guys that if she enjoyed sex, she wouldn't only do it willingly, she'd actively chase after it.
Let's compare the woman's charts, 3a and 3b, the physical vs. the non-physical. The answers to all three questions (1, 2 and 3) are consistently higher for the non-physical and by a large margin. For scientific finds, you need at least a 5% difference. Anything below that is considered "chance." The difference between the physical vs. the noil-physical in question (1) is 13% (44.5 - 31.5 = 13%). The difference in question (2) is an incredible 43% (65 - 22 = 43%) and the difference in question (3) is also high: 27% (51.5 - 24,5 = 27%). Also notice, there are only 6 physical categories vs. 11 non-physical categories for women. The opposite holds true ^ for men: 9 physical vs. 5 non-physical.
Before I go into the men's charts, I want to point something else out that you may have missed: if you add up the totals of questions (1), (2) and (3), physical vs. non-physical answers, you should have 102, because that's the number of women I surveyed. But 31.5 physical answers for question (1) and 44.5 non-physical answers, equals 76. Where are the rest? Simple. You'll notice the major category I left off both lists was "Face." I did this intentionally, because "Face" is both physical and non-physical. They cancel each other out, so why include it. Take the total from chart #1, question (1), for face (19),and add that to 76 and you have 95. Plus, the categories teeth (1), lips (1), don't know (1) and clothes (3), and eyebrows
(1), and you have 102. I didn't include teeth, lips, and eyebrows because they are a part of the face and to look at one you have to look at the other. "Clothes," you can argue, belong on the physical list. I really don't care. If you want it on there, put it on there. It still doesn't change the results.
Now the results of comparing the men's charts, 4a and b:
The results are reversed-21.5% more physical answers than non-physical for question (1); a small 6.5% difference for
(2), and 19% difference for (3). I think this gives ample proof that men, in terms of relationships, are more physically oriented than women, who are more non-physical.
"Yeah, sure," you say, "everyone knows that. Everyone knows men are more physical and women more mental/emotional. So what. Why do you make such an issue of the obvious?" And I answer you by saying "some people can't see the forest for the trees." Remember in the Introduction, I said "Because guys don't understand that they
(guys) are the problem, they wouldn't know the solution if it hit them on the head?" Well, it's time to expand on that now.
Let's say you see an attractive woman you'd like to take home with you for the night. You've gotten yourself all fixed up physically before you walked in the door with the right clothes, the right hairstyle and the right cologne. You walk over to her thinking you look pretty good. You're not arrogant about it, but when you look your best, you know it, and it shows. You walk over and say, "Can I buy you a drink?" And now I stop the scene. Right now I can guarantee that 97% of the time you will have blown any and all chances you'll ever have with this woman. To me, the reason is obvious. To you, it isn't. That's why I have access to an unlimited supply of women and you don't. But we're in the process of changing all 4 that, aren't we? So let's go back a few steps.
Whenever you get lost, you go back to the last place you were in that you understood and take it from there. Let's do that now: my survey results prove the obvious, that men are more physical-oriented than women. What's funny about thi$ is that women know it, too. When I asked women my survey, they wanted to know what the men answered. When I told them, honestly, that men basically responded "body parts, titls and ass," they laughed and said "Well, sure." Then the women wanted to know what other women responded.
And, again, I told them the truth and said that women basically answered non-physically: eyes, personality, attitude. ? The women stopped laughing when I said that, and very earnestly said flwhy, of course!" This was no joke to them.
When the men asked for the results, their reaction was interesting, too. When I told them that men basically answer "tits and ass," they laughed, because the answer was so obvious. When I told them women basically answer, "eyes, personality, attitude," the men also stopped laughing and said "Yeah, big deal" or "Oh" and became quiet. And that was the end of it! The conversation was over as far as they were concerned and it was time for another subject! That's comparable to finding out you have a flat tire on your car and your response is "oh" and you walk away from it. What amazes me is how few men utilize this valuable information to correct the problem. They just ignore it and walk away.
Then they say "Women. Ya can't live with 'em and ya can't live without 'em." It has never even remotely occurred to these men to give women what they want. What women want is a non-physical, non-sexual approach. To add to this tragic-comedy is the fact that women know what a man wants-tits and ass-and they give it to him. They spend hours getting themselves fixed up. The right soap, the right shampoo and conditioner, the right perfume, deodorant, hairstyle, make-up, clothes, and jewelry. The list is endless. Women carry it to the limit with a nice car and apartment. They get head-over-heels in debt (How many women do you know not in debt?), concentrating on the physical aspects of a relationship, to attract a man. In extremes, women even have cosmetic surgery. All this is designed to attract a man. Because she knows he concentrates on the physical rather than the non-physical.
So now she has the man's attention. Great! What's in it for her? Every man has a penis, and every man is an easy lay. And most women could care less how big your penis is. Women only want one thing--to be satisfied. Since thé satisfaction is emotional, the physical size of your penis Is unimportant. It's what you know how to do with it thatls important.
If you are a strictly physical guy, the odds are high that you only see women as pieces of meat. Once she figures out that you are physical and don't know how to blend the emotional and mental aspects of yourself into a relationship, she will lose interest in you and go elsewhere. If all of the prospects in the bar are "poor," she will let you buy her drinks all night, like Jack in Chapter 2, and then say "goodnight" and leave you there alone.
So women utilize the information that most men are physical by making themselves as physically desireable as possible. I don't have to tell you this, or prove it to you. You already know it. Just walk into any bar or disco, and you'll see it all over the place. And this is one of the major differences between men and women. It's really crucial, so I'm going tb write it out in plain English.
Women realize men are predominantly physical-oriented, and they utilize this information by giving the man what he wants: as attractive a package as they can possibly afford to give him. Men, on the other hand, realize a woman i$ predominantly non-physical, but they don't utilize this information by giving her what she wants. These guys just stand there with their thumb up their ass, using come-on lines^ trying to look cool, and flashing a lot of money around. This is what women call an "attitude," and if you'll look at Charts 3â
and 3b you see that having an "attitude" is so much of a turnoff to a woman that it outranks all other non-physical turnoffs (section 3 of each chart) combined. And when you go to the physical turnoffs, it outdoes all of them combined by 7.5%! (32% - 24.5% = 7.5%).
Yet virtually all men ignore these facts. All men, that is, except a select few (like myself) who know and utilize this information to get to know the woman as a person, instead of just a piece of meat. Not only are the physically-oriented men going home alone every night (because they either ignore the facts or simply don't g££ them), but they are going home broke, frustrated, rejected, and depressed. Then they get angry, and then they blame the women.
But it isn't the woman's fault. The problem with these guys is their technique. And, don't panic, I'll be teaching you everything I know about technique in another chapter. But now you're beginning to see why all the come-on lines, games, gimmicks, tricks, manipulation ploys, and head trips just cut your throat. It would have been easy to just sit back and tell you these techniques don't work. But then, if you're like me, you would have said the same thing the Queen said to Christopher Columbus when he said the world was round: "Oh yeah? Prove it." And so I have.
But before I leave the non-physical women and go on to the physical women, I want to point out a statistic that really surprised me. That's why, although it belongs in the miscellaneous category (because it only got one response), I left it in as an item of its own: sex appeal (#10 on the non-physical chart 3b, #25 on Chart #1). Only on£ woman responded to a man's being sexy as an important factor to her. I thought it would be more. And look how many men are wasting the^r f time trying to be sexy.
"Now," you can rightfully say, "not all women responded non-physically. What about them?" A good question. Because I did the whole survey myself, I was able to watch a lot of other factors when people answered. Whether they were beirig f honest or not was one of them. Another major factor was the correlation between the maturity level of the woman and her answers.
By maturity level, I don't necessarily mean her age. Physical women tended to be less emotionally mature than the non-physical women. The more mature a woman was, thé more she wanted emotional and intellectual stimulation. She was less willing to play games and listen to "come-on" lines. She just couldn't be bothered, but the physical women seemed to be just the opposite: they loved the games, head trips, come-on lines, manipulation ploys, and gimmicks. It's as if they come in with a score card and the more guys who come on to them, the more points they score. (My chapter on "The Way It Appears To Be" is about these women).
They rarely, if ever, come into a bar alone (unless they are in the "advanced" league). They almost always travel iii groups of 3 or 4. Sometimes in groups of 2. Why? Because there's security in numbers. And if things get out of hand (if they start losing control or getting too drunk), their friends ac^ as "protection." They also, rarely, if ever, go there to have sex or get picked up and taken home by a guy. According to the preset rules she and her girlfriends have set, if she gets taken home by a guy, or has sex with him, she loses the game.
So why is she there? In order to answer that, you need to understand where she's coming from mentally. Otherwise, her actions don't make any sense.
The immature women are predominantly the ones who answer the survey on the physical level (but not the only ones, as you will see). They're mostly 25 and under. They are just beginning to experiment with their sexual power. They want to know what it is, how much they have, and what it's good for. They want to know how much they can get a guy to do, how much of a fool he'll make of himself, how much money he'll spend, and how long he'll stay on his knees begging for sex, before he gets fed-up. The more guys she can get lined-up, the more guys she can get fighting over her, the more guys she can give a phony phone number to, the more points she scores.
For her, it's only a game. And she has absolutely no intention of "putting out." It's also a game she can't possibly lose. Why? Because you have to put out before she has to put out. And there are no guarantees that she ever will put out. So, at the end of the night when she has to go, she has the perfect "out" by saying, "Well, I came with my girlfriends so I guess I have to gQ with my girlfriends. If we knew each other better, I'd let you take me home. But we just met so I don't feel right. Call me." You do, and it's a fake number. That's the nice women. The bitches just cut through the bullshit and simply say, "Get fucked" at the end of the night.
How do I know it's just a game to them and these are the rules they play by? Because, as a bartender I play three positions in this game: spectator, participant, and referee. As a spectator I can watch as long as I don't get involved, as pi participant I can get involved as long as I don't watch, but vis a referee, I can watch and listen because my status is "neutral"
Being neutral, I'm not considered a threat, and since I'm not considered a threat, they don't care if I overhear what they have to say or not. And since they don't care, I just stand there and take it in. And boy-oh-boy, did I ever learn the name of the game, its rules, and its penalties fast, once I was awarded "referee" status. Not only do they make up the game, its rule^, and the penalties as they go along, but they can change the game, its rules and the penalties any time they want. Which happens to be whenever they start to lose.
I mean, as long as she's winning, why would she change the game? And if you don't want to play the game, so what. There's plenty of other men there who will. And if ther^ aren't, she'll just call you all a bunch of "fags" and go find a bar where she £an play her game. I've watched men in bars spend their last dollar, night after night, week after week, year after year on women like this.
Jack, in Chapter 2, is a good example of this. Guys like Jack never learn. And I like having guys like Jack around. Why? Because they make me look good. They never learn^ they never grow up, they're not a threat to me, and they never run out of money. They also give me an easy "in" with a woman when I say the obvious: "He sure is a jerk, isn't he?'1 All she can do is agree, and we have a topic to talk about that she's an expert on: guys that try to pick her up that are assholes.
But, as I mentioned, the proper techniques are covered in another chapter. Right now I'm giving you a breakdown of the different categories women fall into, along with proof that these categories exist, as well as how to spot which category each woman falls into.
We've covered 2 categories: the physical and the non-physical women. How about the women that are a combination of the two? They're next.
Physical women answer the 3 survey questions by saying "hair, ass, body" or "ass, body, overall appearance"~all physical. Non-physical women answer by saying "eyes, personality, attitude" or "personality, humor, personality"-all non-physical. The next group answers a combination of both: "hair, eyes, attitude" or "eyes, body, overall appearance." Let's call them the "In-Between Group." Chart 3c shows the woman's breakdown for how many answered the survey with physical answers only (7), in-between (31), non-physical only (32), and any response that had "Face" in it I didn't count because it could be anyone of these groups. There were 32 women who used "Face" as one or more of their answers to the survey. What's interesting with this chart is basically 7% of women in a bar, disco, or male/female gathering place will be hard core physical, while 32%-just over 4Vz times the physical will be hard core non-physical.
Even taking into account that my statistics may be a little off, it doesn't take a genius to see the obvious: that to come-on physically to a woman almost guarantees failure. Yet this is precisely what men do, over and over. Then they wonder why they fail.
Only 22% of the women said the first thing they noticed about a man they were attracted to was something physical, while an overwhelming 65% said they were attracted tb something non-physical first, [vertical column (2) on charts 3a and 3b]. Yet how many men used this information to meet women? Damn few! The men who don't use it go home alone each night. In-Between women admit to being attracted to men on both a physical and non-physical level, as I've said. That means if you approach her on a non-physical level, your chances of meeting her are good. If you add the non-physical total, with the In-Between total, and add the Face (which, in & sense, is an In-Between category) total, you have an incredible total of 93% of women who respond to men on a non-physical level!! And only 7% who don't respond to a man on a non-physical level!
Are you beginning to see why you keep striking out with women? I hope so. Because if you can't, the chapters on technique will be worthless to you. Approach a woman on a non-physical level and you have a 93% of succeeding if you follow my techniques properly. Approach a woman on a physical level and you have about a 1% chance of succeeding, because of the 7% who are pure physical, most of them are game players. (Reread my chapter on fThe Way It Appears To Be" in case you doubt how "physical women" really are.)
Before I get off the subject of "women's responses to my survey" in this chapter, I want to add that all women go through the physical stage, where they experiment with their sexual power (or lack of it). Next, they mature into the "In-Between!f stage. Many stay there for years, some only a month or two+
Once they discover the non-physical world of emotion and intellect in a relationship, they rarely ever go back to relating to a man on a purely physical level. Why? We're back at the banquet table eating only a bowl of soup, leaving the good food behind. I'm not saying she'll be sexually loyal to only one man. But when she has sex (with anyone), she'll demand some non-physical involvement-or she won't come back for seconds.
Now let's take a look at the men, chart 4c, and see how they stack up: 25% are interested in physical only, 40% In-Between (physical and non-physical) and only 4% responded purely on a non-physical basis. Again, because "Face" could be either/or, I left it out. You'll notice the results are almost completely the reverse of what women responded.
25% of the men are into "tits and ass" only. The sad thing is practically all of the men who aggressively hit on women are in this category. I would estimate that around 90% of the men who aggressively hit on women are in this 25%. And they make the rest of us look bad because they treat women like pieces of meat, to be bought, conned, lied to, manipulated, intimated, drugged/intoxicated, insulted, and brow-beaten into surrendering their clothes so some jerk can have temporary use of her vagina while he continues his quest for one more notch on his belt.
The non-physical category is only 4%. I would have guessed it to be around 8%, which isn't far off. These guys, flat-out, do the best with women. Their relationships last longer and they consider women their friends. None of the men on my survey were homosexuals, so don't get the wrong idea about these guys. They see women as people, instead of as objects, and women can sense this.
Those non-physical men who know how to approach women have a very high success rate because they know hoto to relate to women, whereas the physical men have close to a zero success rate because they don't know how to relate to women. The non-physical men know there's a lot more to a relationship than getting laid. A common phrase they'll use is "What can you do with a great set of tits after two hourst' Non-physical men respect women a lot, whereas the physical men have little or no respect for women because they don't see women as people, rather, they see women as objects. Asid£ from sexually, the physical men have no use for women. The physical men are basically the least mature. The non-physical men are the most mature, usually.
The In-Between group is the "combination" guys. A ldt of these men hit on women, too. But they don't know how to do it, so they resort to all the one-liners, gimmicks, games, an<i head trips everyone else uses and, more often than not, fail. There's hope for these men because they're willing to listen, to learn, to give. The physical men don't want to listen, learn, or give (unless it's a few dollars for a drink, to make her feel obligated) and that's why they fail. (It would be interesting to find out who the physical man's role model is.)
When getting paired-off, the physical men tend to enc| up with the physical women. The In-Betweeners end up with each other, and the non-physical tend to end up with other non-physical people. Not always, but usually.
Where do you fit in on my survey? If you answered my J questions honestly, you probably learned a lot about yourself, f you lied, Fll bet you're in the physical category. They're the >iggest game players in the group, and also the biggest losers.
I would like to add one word about my survey and the results . . .
Any sociologist worth his salt is going to look at my survey and be able to argue the following points: (1) my sample is taken from only one bar, (2) a sample in Los Angeles isn't necessarily representative of the rest of the country, and (3) some people answered in front of their friends, and some answered alone, which I have already admitted influenced some of the responses.
That same sociologist is going to have a difficult time arguing with the following points: (1) the age range is 21-45, (2) some responses were from people I knew pretty well, some from acquaintances, some from total strangers, (3) every person surveyed was single, "looking", and a good dating prospect (one a member of the opposite sex would realistically consider for a date/relationship), (4) I covered Whites, Blacks, American Indians, Mexicans, and few I wasn't sure of, (5) most normal religions were covered, (6) when someone lied and I was aware of it I discarded their responses, (7) the people surveyed had no reason to lie to me, (8) the integrity of the guy doing the survey was unquestionable (okay, so I put in a good word for myself).
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