Building On What You Have

Let's build on what you can already do:

You can chat easily with women in the "no sex available" categories but that's partly because you already know them, so the initial "ice" has already been broken.

Chances are good that in each of the above situations, either someone else had first introduced you to her (thus breaking the ice for you) or else she broke the ice herself by lobbing the first pleasantry. So the next skill to learn is how to break that ice for yourself.

That requires that you practice on women:

a With whom you're not already conversational and a Who are also unavailable (or undesirable) for sex with you

That way, you'll feel much more comfortable about striking up a conversation with them than with "Miss Playmate Of The Year."

Also, it's easier to talk to women in a structured setting where you have some other "legitimate" reason to talk to each other.

Why is that? Because then you have Plausible Deniability. You can approach her without necessarily implying that you're trying to get into her pants ... even if you really are trying to get into her pants.

The simplest place to start increasing your confidence with women, in bite-size increments, is with women in the service industry. And the easiest of those would be sales clerks and cashiers.

If you're in line at your local grocery store and the checkout clerk is female, you have a structured setting to exchange a few pleasantries without it being in any way threatening to you.

Keep it light in the beginning. You must learn to crawl before you can learn to walk, to walk before you learn to run, and to run before you can learn how to dance the samba while balancing a plate of bananas on your head.

That's your goal here.

Now, you already make small talk whenever you go through the checkout line in a store. But most times, it's the cashier who initiates it.

She'll say "How's it going?" or "How are you today?"

You'll respond with "Fine" or "Okay, thanks."

Then what? Silence.

We'll call that interchange a Single Couplet. It consists of:

a A single opening comment (her asking you how you are) a A single response (you answering that you're fine)

Single Couplets are duck soup. You do them all the time with cashiers and sales clerks and have no trouble doing it.

The next step is to expand that to a Double Couplet. And here's the secret for moving the conversation beyond a Single Couplet:

You start it.

Let's examine why it's best for you to initiate the small talk when you can. Normal conversations consist of two people speaking in turn. If the other person fires the opening salvo and you respond (the first couplet), then it's the other person's turn to make the next statement and initiate that second couplet.

And so on through the third and fourth and however many more couplets there will be in that conversation. The person who initiates the first couplet will be the one to initiate each subsequent couplet (if there are to be any).

Most women won't do this. They'll sometimes throw out some small talk to get the ball rolling but they expect you to keep the conversation going. That can be difficult for you because they went first, and therefore they're in the "power position."

The person who goes first controls the conversation.

Be that person. And for now, just practice doing Double Couplets when you go through a checkout line. Rather than waiting for the cashier to say the first pleasantry, take the initiative yourself.

Keep it simple. Come up with a phrase that fits your style and comfort level, but in general you don't need to say anything more than:

a "How's it going?" or a "How're you doing?"

She'll answer in one of two ways:

a With a Closed-End Response a With an Open-End Response

An example of a Closed-End Response would be "Fine."

Such a response completes the first couplet but doesn't flow naturally into a second couplet. You can of course start a second couplet anyway (since you went first), but you want to keep the process as easy as possible at this stage.

Just say "Great!" and let it go at that.

But more often than not, she'll answer with an Open-End Response instead of a Closed-End Response, because that's the more polite way to answer. And she is in the service industry, obviously, and good manners are part of her position.

Typically she'll say, "I'm doing fine, thanks. How about you?"

Try one of the "power responses" we discussed in the Communication Manual:

a "Doing great!" a "Couldn't be better!"

a "Fantastic!" [while stretching out the first syllable]

a "Very well" [With the emphasis on "Very"]

Spontaneous Conversation

Spontaneous Conversation

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