Pattern 7

Talking about past relationships is an excellent chance to talk about the subjects of falling and being in love. But there is an added bonus to it - you can talk about it referring to your former love interest and you together as "we" and you can talk about what that "we" felt describing it in the present tense. Like this: "The beginning was so beautiful... its like... everything around fades away... and when we are looking into each other's eyes... we can see each other's souls". Did you notice the ambiguity? "We"... "are looking into each other's eyes":)? Jobet Claudio from Mindlist elaborates:

"Most women are suckers for love stories. Win or lose, success or failed, they really love love stories. Invariably, when in a conversation with a woman, the topic of love stories (as referenced to yourself) will often crop up as you talk about ex-boyfriends, current boyfriends, current girlfriend, ex-girlfriends etc.

Now, the "we", in the context of the story-telling, should refer to the ex and myself, but then again, "we" is ambigous. Coupled with a couple of hand gestures and more referential ambiguities, conscious use of the "we/us" paradigm could be one of the most subtle, insidous and undetectable, non-verbal referential index shifts I know.


Me: So, you have a boyfriend?

Her: Not right now. Last one I broke up with a few months ago... how about you? Me: Yeah, same here. It was a beautiful relationship. Too bad it had to end the way it did... Its like... at first... we are so much in love. We feel that the whole world is revolving around us... you know what it's like to FEEL TOTALLY IN LOVE, don't you? We're like that (gesture back and forth). It's like, when we look at each other's eyes (look into her eyes)... we can see... into each other's soul... and we can SEE... and... FEEL... that love... burning within the both of us... warm and close enough to touch (touch her forearm, or a non-touching gesture towards her chest)... and that bond between us... really so strong... so powerful... so overwhelming... It does become that way at times, now doesn't it?

[End example]

It's totally disarming, since you're supposed to be talking about a past love. What happens though is that that past loves serves as a springboard into a process that evokes the state of love in the woman you're talking to."

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