Overcome Shyness Permanently
This is perhaps the most limiting Alpha Blocker there is. Shyness is an imagined state of mind that has no place in the Alpha Man's character. What is shyness Some parents and other sources have tried to make shyness look like a cute, positive trait in little boys, but it is not. Shyness is the one thing that will turn a guy into a whimpering maggot, and deny him the company of a woman for most of his life. Harsh words Maybe. But I want to stomp any possibility out of your mind that your shyness is an endearing or attractive trait to women. It isn't, and never will be, no matter what you may have heard from other well-meaning females out there. My father recognized this in me at an early age and did his best to pull be out of my shell of shyness. I'm glad he did, because I could have been a real lost cause if I didn't find a way to project my personality and overcome it. (Again, this is something that we need male role models to help us with.) Not every Alpha Man has to be a...
Shy people react to situations when they should be acting initiating. But when you're on a date or any time talking to a woman you like, you can use your shyness as an advantage. Shy people do not go around talking about themselves or try to sell themselves because they hate talking in general (girls hate this anyway. See Much goodness already). When she asks you about yourself, give her a general answer and turn the conversation back on her. Shy people's advantage is
His entire frontal lobe is severely damaged. Gentlemen, to show you the extent of the damage this male labels as shyness, let us look at it through the woman's perspective. Do you want to get rid of your shyness You're going to have to open up and get out of your solitary shell. Sure, you can deploy 'tactics' and 'maneuvers' and turn women into a piece of mathematical equation. But in the end, you are still in your
AWAKENING YOUR SOCIAL SELF A Path to Defeating Shyness Don't talk to strangers my mom would admonish me before I left for school each morning. Sometimes I wonder if this ominous warning had anything to do with the social phobia that would plague me later in life. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame poor Momma for my troubles and I know she was only trying to protect me from predators, but I think this is a powerful message that stuck with me much longer than intended. I know I am not alone here because the majority of people I encounter display various degrees of social phobias. I am actually quite an expert on the subject. Spent my early teen years as a bit of a hermit, keeping myself entertained with video games, comic books, and of course, lots of porn. The few times I did show up to a party, I would cling to my friends like they were a life preserver amidst stormy seas. I look back and laugh at myself since I am now able to dive into any social pool and backstroke with the best of...
Shyness is when we fear the consequences of our actions and are paralyzed to the extent that we cannot do what we would like to do. In dating, this becomes an acute issue due to having to put ourselves well outside our comfort zone. Shyness takes on many forms, from not being able to ask someone on a date, to not being able to accept. We may find it hard to talk about ourselves or to talk to others. So overcoming shyness is often a matter of confidence by degrees. Being shy as a woman is often an attractive quality, and the right kind of confident guy will take you gently out of your shyness and open the situation up. For a man however, shyness can be a debilitating issue that has to be dealt with in order to succeed. He sees a good-looking girl, maybe the only one he is attracted to in the bar, and he wants to meet only her. He fears she will say no and pre-empts the negative response by assuming too much and then withdraws into shyness by making mental excuses as to why it is not...
If you practice all these steps, I guarantee you'll get over most, if not all, of your shyness. Sure, everyone gets insecure and intimidated occasionally, but they simply acknowledge the feeling and go ahead and do it anyway. You can do this if you really want to. It's up to you to put in the time and work. Men's Top Ten Tips for Getting Over Shyness If none of the advice above has worked for you men, here's a quick and easy Top Ten list you can post on your bathroom mirror as a daily reminder of how to get over your shyness. 1. The biggest reason for shyness is the fear of rejection. Eliminate this factor by approaching a woman or man with the express purpose of picking them up for your friend or your brother sister. Since your own ego isn't at stake, you'll be less inhibited in your approach. You'll see it's no big deal and will want to pick up for yourself next time. How do you pull this off Just go up, introduce yourself, chat a bit, then say you've got a friend or brother you...
What is shyness anyway Shyness is the fear of approaching and interacting with other people until you know them fairly well or at least until you've been properly introduced. In other words, Shyness Fear. So let's begin by exploring the concept of fear. Modern life should therefore be largely devoid of fear, stress and shyness. But it's not. The reason is that we've been socialized to feel fear in some situations that aren't physically dangerous. Shyness with women is in many ways very similar to being shy about speaking in public. In both instances, you're worried about how you'll be received. And despite there (usually) being no physical danger, we've been conditioned to feel fear and therefore shyness. You can overcome shyness with women almost as easily as you can overcome fear of public speaking. By de-sensitizing yourself to your fear of women, you can have much greater control in dating situations than you now enjoy.
What is Shyness 3 Shyness as a Label 3 Your Shyness Makes Others Shy 8 5. Shyness Solutions 10 Part Two Shyness in Dating 18 Basic Exercises for Overcoming Shyness Advanced Exercises for Overcoming Shyness Men's Top Ten Tips for Getting Over Shyness Women's Top Ten Tips for Getting Over Shyness
In the introduction I hinted at something I call the Principle of Truth. Simply stated, the Truth is the bottom line of results are all that matters and don't argue with reality. Nothing else really matters, in the end. If you want a date with Fantastic Redhead, and you fail to get it, you didn't get it. End of story. You can tell yourself clever fictions about why she didn't go out with you, like her childhood had been traumatic and that led to her shyness and inability to commit. But in the end, you have to deal with the results you got. Some guys will sit there for days trying to argue their way through her thoughts and never get anywhere, driving themselves crazy and obsessed the whole time. You'll be tempted, my brothers, to find exceptions to what I tell you, or find some reason why this girl is The One, if only you could find a way to make her see it.
1 Admitting that you don't normally do this but you're so inspired that you've ignored your usual shyness, fear, or sense of propriety. Think about it Aren't you impressed when someone puts in extra effort and seems to be doing something for the very first time and you are the motivation Heady stuff.
Candy had a huge crush on a colleague. They'd enjoy friendly banter in the office, but she never got the feeling it was anything more than an innocent flirtation, the same as he enjoyed with the other girls in the office. However, she didn't see that the feeling of attraction was mutual. He actually fancied her as much as she secretly lusted after him. Unfortunately this mutual attraction was masked as they mirrored each other's body language. If she caught him looking at her, she'd look away when she looked away, he'd be worried that he'd embarrassed her and would look away too, so when she looked back, he wasn't looking and she'd get the impression that he wasn't interested. Once Candy got over her initial shyness about flirting properly with him, the signals were clear for them both to see.
There's another aspect to shyness which might be giving you some distress, and that's the flip side of shyness which is rage. Rage, or even just a chronic, simmering anger that interferes with your ability to relate normally to others, is the dark twin of rejection sensitivity. Both these disempowering emotions have their source in a tenancy to derive a major portion of your self-esteem from the judgement of others. Walking around all the time being psychologically vulnerable to what you perceive to be the silent appraisal of everyone around you will make you hypersensitive and fearful. That's where your shyness comes from. But after a while, you will come to hate what you fear. Your tormentors will eventually catch the focus of your hatred and it will express itself as a barely contained urge to fly into a rage when things don't immediately go your way. Check yourself for road rage for instance. Got
Some male behaviors will have to change. For example, it's no longer acceptable to make sexual jokes in the workplace, or appreciate a secretary with a firm, open-handed slap to the buttocks. You have to observe new standards in the workplace, as well as in social situations.
If I could sum up the gist of what is most important to understand from the last chapter, it would simply be this women are far more interested in how you make them feel than what you look like. Of course, this assumes that you aren't completely off the scale in terms of physical or hygienic grotesqueness. But if you're a fairly decent looking guy who's clued in on how to take care of himself and doesn't flat out reek, then you should begin to see your shyness and reluctance to approach women as having a diminishing basis in reality. Here's an important thing to understand that, for women, it's all about emotions and feelings, and especially how a particular man makes them feel about herself and about her life. In a seduction all your efforts will be focused on creating the intense feelings and emotional states within her that she craves from a
Shyness This will signal respect I Use good eye contact . It will be your best intentional gesture, looking as though you're keen to get to know each person I Play Follow My Leader . Never push the group behavior during the first few meetings . If they look miserable, keep it like that don't try to get them laughing by telling your worst jokes . If they seem prudish or formal, don't swear or make risqu comments . If they're lighthearted, don't start fishing for more in-depth conversations. You're the interloper and as such you should never seek to change the dynamics Use mirroring and postural echo with the people you're trying to impress I Don't show off in an attempt to impress . I Keep affection and sex signals completely toned down. Just opt for the Look of Love that is, face softening .
Make a list of your personal strengths and accomplishments. Keep this with you at all times, and add to it. Review it regularly, but especially before entering social situations that usually cause you discomfort. This will remind you that you do have much to offer. - Ask a friend. Request honest input from a trusted friend. How does she think you come across in social situations What does she think you do well How could you converse more effectively with others Better yet, ask a couple of confidantes for their assessment of you.
If it's a woman, we assume she will understand what we are telling her with our attitude because we assume she has gained enough life experience with people to interpret those actions appropriately. If she doesn't get it, then we have learned something about how clueless she might be. But if she does, then we have realized some valuable information about how wide ranging her knowledge of the world and the rules that govern social interactions between men and women is likely be.
At a time in your life when you should be getting a good grip on the balls of the world, I had collapsed into a complete and total shell of shyness and was working my way through what would end up almost being a wholesale withdrawn from the human race. I was probably on a glide slope to become the next Jeffrey Dahlmer (actually, I would have been first, but so what ).
Early in our lives, we grabbed onto the quickest form of power we had available to us. For men, it was physical strength. If someone didn't do what we wanted, we could force them or fight them. We physically dominated. Now consider what women learned as their first power. They learned how to understand and manipulate social situations, and they also learned how to use their looks and sexuality as power over men.
About 75 of the world's population quivers at the prospect of striking up conversations with a stranger. The reason Shyness. Shyness can be attributed to cultural factors. Being raised in conservative environments or living in harsh communes makes people timid. Having critical friends and domineering colleagues can further aggravate shyness. Shyness can also be genetic. There's a joke that goes The gene for shyness has been discovered. Scientists at MIT discovered it hiding behind a set of other genes. Nevertheless, shyness poses a problem for those who want to persuade. This malady prevents persuasion by aborting communication. Fortunately, techniques to combat shyness do exist. With constant practice, anyone can learn to break the ice , establish rapport, and make new friends. Once you have won trust, you can persuade much more easily. Notice how salesmen always attempt friendship before selling. This chapter concentrates on teaching the essentials of striking up a conversation with...
First he did therapeutic work, mostly curing guys of shyness and phobias. Then he got interested in the persuasion side of NLP and somewhere along the line got the bright idea to try the stuff out on girls. He couldn't believe the results. I realized, he said, that attraction, and love, is not a thing. It's a process that people undergo, and you can trigger the process.
I hope you have studied the book carefully. Body language forms the foundation for attraction and dating and can also come in handy in other social situations, such as at work or school. Body language will save you a lot of time and resources which can be directed toward the right kinds of women. Any woman who is not sending the right
I He should then change his state in some way, either succumbing to shyness signals like dipping his head, blushing, pulling in his lips, or having an accelerated pace of movement, sometimes getting jerky or clumsy I If he's with his friends they'll all notice his changed state and
The Rapport & Comfort phase is not essential with all women. After you have shown Alpha qualities, some women may want to have sex with you and only after do they ask you your name. For some other women - especially those with high self-esteem and those with deep feelings of guilt about sex and attraction - Rapport & Comfort can be very important. For other women, especially those with fears or shyness, Comfort can be extremely important. If you start from the Internet you will never have the ability to approach on the streets or other social situations.
Alright, having beat this thing to death in theory, how about some practical advice on what to do about it. The first thing you must recognize is that knowledge is power. Simply having your eyes opened to the mechanics of toxic shame and how it was adversely affecting your life all these years can become a compelling tool for dismantling it. Knowing and understanding that your shame-bound emotions are something that was done to you, and is not really you (i.e. an unchangeable aspect of your personality) is an enormous revelation in itself that holds vast potential for jump starting your personal growth. No longer are you doomed to identify with an emotional characteristic i.e., you aren't shy -- you were programmed with an emotional flaw that caused you to utilize shy behavior in order to correct the problem. You adopted shyness as a shield against your shame, to keep it boxed in where it couldn't torment you. It was a pretty ingenious solution really. The drawback to using one type...
It's vital that your communications look congruent You'd think this would be easy enough when you genuinely do mean what you say, but it's not Incongruent communication doesn't just happen when you're lying or trying to mask or deceive Your body language signals can go skidding out of kilter for several reasons The most common one is shyness or embarrassment . Shyness produces physical awkwardness The more you feel you're being watched or scrutinized the more awkward your body language becomes, so by the time you try to speak it's unlikely you'll manage to produce a full set of signals You could tell a client you're pleased to see them and this could well be true, but if shyness makes your eyes flick to the floor as you say it, or your handshake is weak, or you fold your arms into a protective barrier, it's unlikely they will believe what you've just told them
Men who have their affairs in order are calm and relaxed. They are at ease and aren't jumpy. In social situations, they appear to be in control. Their arms and hands are in front of them and they aren't fidgeting. Some body postures you should avoid are raised shoulders as if cold or scared, a wrinkled forehead, tightened facial muscles or eyes that appear wide open. Less dominant males have their eyes open wide, looking around the room nervously and appearing like they don't belong. The more novel the social situation is to such a male, the more pronounced his negative body language will be. This sort of man comes off as meek.
Putting Too Much Importance On What The Woman Thinks Of You And What Happens In That Particular Situation
Great work I love your mailbags and tips. They are very informative and useful and have worked wonders for my dating life. Anyways, to the point. I wanted to share a good C+F line that has worked more than I expected it to And yes, I thought of it. It works good for guys who have to overcome shyness as well. Okay it goes something like this.
Chances are your attitude is closer to scenario A than to B. And yet, in the relationship marketplace, an overwhelming majority of people approach a social setting with attitude B in place, even though they are in an identical position. Luckily, you can decide to stop this type B counterproductive thinking right now and adopt the abundance mentality. The world is already your supermarket, and every time you go out, there are attractive women specifically there for you to meet. It's almost as if the universe has special-ordered them, just for you. You have inexhaustible money in your pocket in the form of your attractive qualities, and therefore you need not settle for anything but the best. Notice that this is not about haughtiness or arrogance. Are you being arrogant when you pick the best fruit and leave the bruised and unripe ones behind, or merely being sensible Decide to make this mental shift now, and notice how dramatically more willing you are to meet women in social...
Excuse me, can I ask you a question I'm trying to overcome my shyness, and it's my goal to ask five women today what it takes for them to feel attracted to a man. Do you prefer it when guys try to BUY your attention with gifts and food, or do you prefer it when a guy teases you, makes fun, makes you laugh, and keeps you guessing about what's going to come next Now, I don't usually advise asking women for advice on women but in this case I'm not telling you to ask for advice for advice's sake. You're overcoming shyness at the same time.
But the truth is there are very few gestures that are genuine, dyed-in-the-wool, moustache-wearing, cheroot-chewing bad guys Many of the bad ones will really come under the it depends how and when it's done category, like folding your arms This gesture forms a barrier that can reveal anxiety or aggression So does that mean I ban it from your repertoire Of course not I fold my arms a lot Part of my arm folding is prompted by a deep-seated shyness, but part of it is because I think it looks quite cool . Not all the time, not if someone's engaging me in conversation or offering me a job, but if I'm listening to someone else speak while I'm running a course I use the gesture to let them know they've got the
I won't delve too much into this issue because it would be exploring an off topic issue. The topic of the Matrix would make for an interesting book all by itself, and perhaps maybe I'll write one about it someday. (It ranges from social interactions to politics, to the medicine you are prescribed. For this book, we are interested in how it affects your social life.) In our workshops, we have attendees who have social phobias because they grew up religious. The interesting part is that although they are no longer religious, they are still feeling the residues and aftereffects of the restraint that was enforced upon them. Organized religion is also a big part of society programming as it serves to control humanoids.
Tip 5 Deal with the fact that seduction must always be a form of benevolent manipulation in order for it to work
Once you practice seduction and start to become good at it, your personal courage in social situations will begin to go up steadily. That's because once you know you have the power to elicit a positive response from someone your fear of being rejected by them diminishes to almost nothing. And anything that we can do to reduce your fear of rejection is a major step forward, right
Had the sheer luck to discover has a very concrete underpinning in the way that you were treated by your primary caretakers (parents) as an adolescent. I'll discuss this problem in depth in Chapter 4 when I introduce you to the eye-opening concept of toxic shame a malady that lies at the heart of a constellation of various neuroses and thought distortions -- not just this double-damned shyness .
If you are too broke to leave the country, you can start off small by visiting another city or state and then work your connections up to the international level. The general strategy here is to eventually make friends all over the world so you never pay for hotels and have a free tour guide to boot Living in a big city is great for this because you meet people from everywhere. But if you live in the burbs, then it's time to start making trips to the city and mingle, man. For those of you who are still struggling with meeting new people, try a DJ Boot Camp, check out my other thread on Destroying Social Phobias or do whatever it takes to kill that shyness. It is absolutely crucial for you to master your social skills for this. Rapport is the key to your travel dreams. Remember that it does not take long to instill a powerful bond within someone. Using sincerity, openness and humor, you can distort time and make 2 hours seem like they have known you for 20...
If you were to remember just one rule when you're going out into social situations, it should be this one. It embodies two key principles the mindset that you are the prize, and an attitude of detachment. In the movie The Tao of Steve (highly recommended), the lead character, Dex, who is very successful with ladies in spite of being overweight and underemployed, has three simple rules Be excellent, be desireless, be gone. Being desireless and detached from results is the key to effectiveness. We will go into more detail on teasing in later chapters.
We covered the basic principles of kino in the Destroying Social Phobias post. By this point you should already be touching girls right from the start of your interactions. But let us not forget the power of PLAY. Tease her. Poke her. Throw paperclips at her head and when she looks your way, whistle like it wasn't you. Twirl her around and dip her ballroom dance style. Tickle her. Steal something from her and get her to wrestle you for it. Give her a piggy-back ride and run at full speed while humming the Jedi theme to Star Wars HAVE
Being shy with flirting is something I can really relate to. When I was in my early 20s, women seemed like an alien race, I then found out that many women felt the same way about men. We are different and what is key is to understand those differences and needs. Shyness can be put down to low self-esteem, but I know many men and women who are extremely confident in their day-to-day lives, but they are shy in the flirting arena.
I have outlined many techniques in this section. At this point in the book you should feel like a new person. You should be confident that you have the potential to be in control of social situations and have a good sense of women and yourself. You now know what motivates them and why they are motivated the way they are. More importantly, you should be better able to predict their behavior. You have a valuable set of tools. Use them. Go out and get what you want, whatever it is.
Sexual attraction will often produce blushing . This can feel like hell if you're the one with a face like a furnace, but it can make you more attractive to your potential mate Blushing signals shyness, which in turn suggests virtue and innocence, but at the same time it also mimics the facial flush that occurs during orgasm. Get out the blusher
By looking away from someone you will appear shy or submissive, but remember what I said about pinning your objectives up before you start to make changes Is shyness such a bad thing Think of some people you know who use or used shy body language signals . Four key characters spring to mind former Prime Minister Tony Blair, British politician David Cameron, Princess Diana, and Diana's son Prince William All of these people manage or managed to keep on the attractive side of shyness This means they are able to display terrific confidence in many of their performances, yet still keep a high likeability rating because of their use of a dipped head, dipped eyes, and bashful-looking smiles
People lean against other people or objects to show a territorial claim to that object or person. Leaning can also be used as a method, of dominance or intimidation when the object being leaned on belongs to someone else. For example, if you are going to take a photograph of a friend and his new car, boat, home or other personal belonging, you will inevitably find that he leans against his newly acquired property, putting his foot on it or his arm around it (Figure 130). When he touches the property, it becomes an extension of his body and in this way he shows others that it belongs to him. Young lovers continually hold hands or put their arms around one another in public and social situations to show others the claim that they have on each other. The business executive puts his feet on his desk or desk drawers or leans against his office doorway to show his claim to that office and its furnishings.
We learned some very primitive social interactions there, but the principles still held true for many of us. (Hey, whether or not you like it, we're still a lot closer to those playground kids than the 'grown-ups' you think we are. Everyone is still a little kid inside.)
Slaying Social Anxiety
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