Sparkling Conversation

Gauging Your Listeners Response

Listening Posture

Gauging your listener's response is useful in telling how interested they are in you. You can achieve this through a combination of linguistics and body language. Checking the linguistics is a great way to see if somebody wants to chat or flirt more with you, and works equally well in social and work environments. Interpreting linguistic clues is particularly useful if you haven't got the hang of reading body language yet or want another indicator to back it up. The three simple indicators of...

Starting an Office Romance

Most people meet their future spouse at work, but before you pack in your dating subscription, cancel your speed-dating extravaganza, and wait for the proposals of marriage to flood in, you need to consider a few things. Getting to know somebody better in the office while under the protective relationship of being a colleague is a fantastic way to decide if you like them without actually showing your hand. Flirting with married colleagues is one of the worst and potentially most destructive...

Making the Next Move

Working out what your next move should be Making that next move Considering seduction strategies friendly flirt sits well within most people's comfort zone, but the stumbling block for many is knowing when to turn up the temperature into a full-on flirt and how to get the end result you want, from a telephone number, to a kiss, to an invitation This chapter covers all the tips you need to develop a friendly flirtation into something more romantic. You've been flirting for a while and...

Reading Body Language

Heather Morris Leaked Photos Uncensored

Body language speaks louder than words you reveal all your thoughts, moods, and attitudes through it. You can also read the conscious and subconscious thoughts of the person you're flirting with by simply observing what they are or are not doing. I've heard so many people comment that somebody doesn't like them or is feeling defensive just because they've seen them cross their arms. Interpreting this gesture in these ways is a classic mistake one movement alone doesn't create a mood or...

Making the Right Initial Choices A Flirting Checklist

Choosing to flirt with someone you find attractive, as opposed to someone who's available, is a very common mistake and one of the main reasons for rejection. Yet the person being rejected takes it personally, even when the object of their failed flirtation wasn't looking for someone to flirt with in the first place. You can minimise your chances of rejection at the early stages of a flirtation by working through the flirting checklist and making sure everyone's getting the right message. Mark...

Filling Your Space Confidently

Height is one of the most common responses I get when asking women what they look for in a man. However, what actually appeals to them isn't height but stature. A very tall man skulking about with rounded shoulders is very unappealing. A man of more modest height, who carries himself well, with his shoulders back and his chest out, is far more attractive. The difference is stature. People of either sex who have good stature fill their space well, look more confident, and are more attractive as...

Reading and Reacting to Female Flirting Signals

Women have some extra flirting clues that are peculiar to the fairer sex. Look out for these in addition to the clues you've gleaned already. You may know the old saying 'a face can tell a thousand stories'. In the midst of a flirtation you can certainly tell a lot from a woman's facial expression, particularly by knowing how to read her eyes and mouth movements. Intense feelings cause the tear glands to secrete fluid, but they won't overflow and reduce her to tears unless she's feeling pain or...

Flirting on the Internet

The Internet is teeming with opportunities to meet people from all over the world. Internet flirting is more adventurous and fast paced than face-to-face flirting for three reasons You don't risk face-to-face rejection. Physical chemistry is irrelevant. Using the written word rather than body language allows you to be more direct and explicit and to make your intentions clear. Jo and her friends went to Blackpool for a girly weekend. Not knowing the area, they asked the taxi driver to drop them...

Cracking the Facial Language Code

Making sense of body language can seem a bit daunting if you're not used to it. A good place to start is to focus on your facial language, because the face is the area that people pay the most attention to when they're in conversation. Facial language consists of head nods, tilts, blinks, winks, changes in expression, smiles, and eye contact. The more animated your expression, the easier it is for people to read your mood and intentions. JST Studies have shown that facial language counts for...

Taking Acceptable Risks

To lose, you're taking an acceptable risk, which is so much easier. Different levels of risk are incurred at each stage of the flirting process Stage 1 Deciding who to flirt with is the least risky in terms of rejection. Stage 2 Deciding who to strike up a conversation with is slightly more risky. Stage 3 Making a pass at someone is the most risky, but compared to other personal risks you take, such as driving or flying, is very small. The more experience you have at flirting, the more likely...

Looking for love in the office

If you work in a small office, perhaps by yourself, don't despair -you still have customers, suppliers, and so on to flirt with. If, however, you work in a large or shared building, key places to spot singletons are by the vending machines, office kitchen, canteen, sandwich delivery van, smokers' corner, and entrance to the building. Sam noticed a rather luscious man wandering around the building checking the extinguishers. A quick call to reception confirmed that he was a fireman doing an...

Using icebreakers

People worry disproportionately about what they're going to say to break the ice at the start of a flirtation and try and come up with clever or convoluted opening lines to make themselves appear more interesting. Indeed, making the opening gambit is often the most nerve-wracking part of a flirtation and the area where you can feel most at risk of rejection or of making a fool of yourself. However, you can minimise this risk. Icebreaker is a very apt description for the line you use to break...

Ten Or So Opening Lines for Almost Any Occasion

Starting conversations with the opposite sex Getting chatting with total strangers Making acquaintances into friends a enerally, what you say is less important than how you say Vf it. Even so, having something to say is always handy, so you can focus your energy on looking and sounding confident and not worry about conversational gaffes This chapter offers some stock opening lines to use in a range of situations, so you have no excuse not to approach someone and get stuck into your flirting....

Looking at the Importance of Body Language

After you've said and done all the right things, your body and facial language do the rest of the work and give you all the clues you need to tell whether you're being flirted with or to let someone know how you feel about them without actually having to say a word. As Figure 10-1 shows, your body language, appearance, and tone of voice form over 90 per cent of a first impression. The words account for a meagre 7 per cent of the impact. Yet, if you're like most people, you probably spend more...

Evaluating your confidence level

To gauge how confident you are as a flirt, ask yourself these questions In professional interactions When first meeting someone in the office that you find attractive, do you 1. Look them in the eye and greet them with a cheery smile and a hello 2. Look their way, but wait for them to make the first move to say hello 3. Wait for someone else to make the introductions In social settings When first meeting somebody socially that you find attractive, do you 1. Catch their eye, then approach them...

Diverting the conversation from contentious topics

Talking about sex, religion, or politics is usually a no, no unless you're a vicar or a politician. Remember that the aim of any initial conversation is simply to open it and use it as an opportunity to find out things you have in common. Divisive threads of conversation may give you an opportunity to show off your debating prowess, but whether the other person still wants to speak to you when you've beaten them into submission with your interpretation of the socioeconomic reasons behind the...

Using Compliments Well

Compliments are universally accepted vehicles for letting people know you like them or some particular thing about them. Nothing is more reassuring and confidence boosting than receiving a genuine compliment. Many people aren't keen on paying compliments because they feel that doing so shows their hand and makes them feel more vulnerable to rejection. Giving compliments doesn't weaken your position, however. In fact, one complimentary sentence can consolidate it. If everyone made a point of...

Ten Tips for Safe Flirting

Protecting your identity Meeting safely Having a plan B Protecting yourself our mother told you never to speak to strangers, but now you're an adult you can just adopt safe strategies when flirting and dating. Always keep safety in the back of your mind whilst flirting, but don't worry about it so much that it prevents you from enjoying it. Be aware of these ten top tips to ensure that you can flirt with gay abandon and remain safe in the process. Giving any of your key personal details away...

Understanding Conversational Conventions

A conversation is simply an opportunity to get to know somebody a little better and for them to know you a little better. Social psychologists and anthropologists alike have studied how we make conversation, and while you may be keen to make a show-stopping impression with a dazzling display of wit and general knowledge, research shows that by simply sticking to the conventions of conversation when first initialising contact, your relationships actually get off on a much better footing. Lucy...

Using opening lines

'I'm here, now what are your other two wishes ' one enthusiastic stranger blurted in my ear when I was least expecting it. Not the best opening line I've ever heard, but surprisingly not the worst either. The point of an opening line is that the other person recognises it as an attempt to initiate conversation. Your conversational opener doesn't have to be contrived, and avoiding chat-up lines is probably best unless you've got lots of experience in delivering them successfully. Sticking to...

Picking a topic that they want to chat on

Building rapport is easier if you're giving the other person the chance to talk on a subject they're interested in. Rather than domineering the conversation with your own interests, listen carefully and probe for their interests. Having a number of options up your sleeve, based on the following tips, is the trick. Tailor your conversation to the needs of the other person. Just because you enjoy the latest developments of your favourite soap, or the success of your football team's new line up,...

Preventing conversations from running dry

Stopping conversations from running dry takes practice, but when you know how, you'll never be short of conversation again. As well as being vital for taking the initiative in the flirting arena, keeping conversation going is a fantastic means of gaining the edge over other candidates in a job interview by allowing you to tell the interviewer everything they should know about you. Look for opportunities to tell people things about yourself based on the information they've just shared with you...

Being Interesting and Interested

Showing interest in others Being more interesting Making others feel valued Receiving and giving compliments rn Bo you get a tiny pang of jealousy when you see other people effortlessly engage in animated conversation with anyone and everyone they meet Who wouldn't want to be a conversational whizz Self-inflicted pressure to appear interesting and make stimulating conversation can be immense, both socially and at work. Reversing this pressure is easy, though just focus on being interested in...

Becoming More Interesting

You might assume that to become more interesting you'd need some dazzling conversation on your part. However, you can easily become more interesting to other people simply by focusing on the other person - both on the words they use and the body language they demonstrate. The key to being perceived as interesting yourself is actually to just be interested in what the other person is saying. By demonstrating interest in the other person, you present yourself to them as an engaging, thoughtful,...

Spotting key signals in other people

Being able to recognise the right signals gives you the confidence to step up to the flirting mark. You can tell whether someone's initiating a flirtation if they do the following make eye contact, smile at you, fiddle with their clothing or hair, initiate a conversation or mirror your behaviour, or find reasons to touch you. These behaviours are the same five outlined in the human courtship pattern mentioned in the earlier section 'Tuning animal instincts'. If you see them, you're good to go....

Where flirting starts and ends

Women worry about what they're going to wear and men dwell on the challenge of delivering the perfect chat-up line for good reason. Those details provide the start of the flirting spectrum for each sex. Contrary to the animal kingdom, where often the females are dowdy and the colourful males provide the courtship displays, women are the sex generally expected to be made up attractively. Women generally feel more pressure to get their appearance right and hence put so much effort into planning...

Using flattery

Whoever said flattery gets you nowhere certainly wasn't referring to flirting. Flattering them is a key technique for letting the other person know you're interested in them or find them attractive. Paying genuine compliments is essential if they're to be received well. If you dish out the same stock compliment to everyone, the person you're complimenting won't feel very special when they realise. Compliments needn't be limited to someone's appearance they can relate to their personality or...

Choosing the areas to focus on

Looking at the different aspects of your image and applying the 80 20 rule - using 20 per cent of your effort to improve 80 per cent of your appearance (refer to Chapter 2) - you'll be able to determine the changes that will give you the most impact the quickest. If you haven't thought about your image in a while, ask a few friends to do it with you. They may see you in a different light. Use Table 5-1, which lists ten areas of improvement, to determine what area can yield the most significant...

Sounding confident

After your appearance, your tonality, or the sound of your voice, is the second biggest factor in creating your first impression. It's vitally important to how people perceive you. If you look great but talk in a high-pitched nasal whine, people will form a poor impression of you and your confidence will be dented. Most of us are blissfully unaware of the sound or impact of our own voices because we don't actively listen to them. Talking very quietly when you first meet someone smacks of no or...

Making people listen

The voice is a very powerful tool when you talk you want people to listen. A range of atmospheres can be created using your voice alone, and what you say isn't as important as how you say it. You don't have to shout to get people's attention in a conversation. Instead, use your proximity and eye contact Drop your voice slightly so they have to quieten down and lean in to hear you, then go back to your normal volume when you have their undivided attention. Maintain eye contact when you talk. The...

Making Conversation with Absolutely Anybody

Mastering the art of conversation Making the opening move Telling if they're enjoying the chat tarting a conversation, particularly with a stranger, is something that many people find daunting - and particularly so when they're attracted to them. Don't worry. You can make not knowing what to say, fluffing your words, or not being able to tell if your listener is wilting with boredom a thing of the past. This chapter gives you all the tools you need to make conversation with everyone, from the...

Opening Lines for Women

Men are generally so delighted that they're not doing the running that you can say pretty much anything and not worry about being rejected. Women tend to use indirect opening lines rather than the obvious chat up, for example 'Do you have the time ', 'I'm not from round here can you recommend a decent restaurant ', 'I'm trying to avoid that man over there could you do me a favour and engage in animated conversation with me for a minute, please ' Deliver indirect opening lines while offering the...

Flirting in bars

Flirting in bars is generally easier than flirting in a supermarket or in church because people expect to be approached in this socially interactive environment. Choosing the right bar for you is the first step to finding the right sort of singletons. If football isn't your cup of tea, for example, then avoid sports bars streaming live TV. Look for somewhere that has a mixed clientele, of your age demographic, and that has a reputation for being safe. If you don't know the area, ask people who...

The Making of a Successful Flirt

Understanding the fundamentals of flirting Recognising and sending flirting signals Putting yourself in the flirting zone other Nature has blessed you with all the skills you need to be a super flirt. Perhaps you've lost touch with these skills along the way or haven't used them enough to have full confidence in them, but believe me you do have the skills and you can improve them to whatever degree you desire. Flirting is a subtle combination of body language, confidence, attitude, and...

Preening in Public

Preening in public is exactly how Mother Nature prepared you to attract a mate. The jungle is full of exotic creatures displaying themselves at their best to create the best chance of attracting the fittest mate. The situation's no different for humans so don't be shy and get ready to shake your tail feathers Unlike the animal kingdom where the males (which are the brightly coloured or striking looking half of the union) are usually putting on the display, the females do most of the displaying...

Moving from just friends

Being considered someone's friend is always an honour and a privilege. Not only is friendship good for the soul, it bestows considerable health benefits, too. Some of your best memories and most cherished moments involve friends. Your friends may also provide a delicately balanced system for nurturing each other. These are the benefits you have to weigh up when considering risking converting a friend to a lover. Candy had a huge crush on a colleague. They'd enjoy friendly banter in the office,...

Letting Your Fingers Do the Talking

So much can be said without ever uttering a word. These days we rely heavily on text, email, and instant messaging to do the talking for us, but if someone you're having a drink with receives a text from you saying 'touch me', they'll be thrown, alarmed, and probably uncooperative. Sometimes only your fingers can do the talking. When you first start flirting with someone you're both in your own little territory, but when things start to get more intimate you need to start invading their space,...

Almost Ten Places where Unwanted Admirers may Strike

Putting space between yourself and colleagues Dealing with strangers Losing unwanted admirers rn Occasionally finding that your new best friend, colleague, or flirtation is actually very annoying can be disappointing. Worse still is when you find out they're actually pretty clingy and resistant to your polite efforts to let them down gently. Most people have both the ability to tell when a relationship -romantic, work, as friends, or otherwise - isn't quite working and the sense to know when...

Opening Lines for

Men often feel under tremendous pressure to deliver the perfect witty opening line. The truth is, women fall in love with their ears. After they get past the initial attraction, it's what they hear and how you make them feel about themselves that counts. You can do well here by paying compliments - women need to know that you like them. Try these opening lines (make eye contact and wear a friendly expression) 'If you don't mind me saying, you've got the nicest smile loveliest eyes most wicked...

Opening Lines for the Supermarket

Flirting with people in supermarkets is super easy because you can tell so much about them from their food choices. In fact, if they've got a trolley full of fast food and booze you may even want to eliminate them from your flirtation on the grounds that they'll have blocked arteries and a hardened liver before they hit middle age The contents of someone's trolley or the waiting time at the checkouts are perfect subjects for opening lines 'Lychees I've always wondered what you do with those. Do...

Opening Lines for Speeddating

Speed-dating's great as you're all in the same boat. Everyone knows that everyone else is single and looking for lurve. The pressure's certainly on to find an opening line that works. You can play it straight or make a remark about the event itself. Here are some examples (Playing it straight.) 'Hi, I'm Elizabeth, pleased to meet you' followed by a friendly handshake. This works because standard conversation code is followed and everybody knows where they are and how to respond. (Chapter 8 has...

Making an Entrance

Turning heads Grabbing the limelight Taking the initiative leaking an entrance is one of the most under-rated, but www effective, tricks in the book. Rather than you having to do all the running, it gives everyone who's on the lookout a good chance to view you at your best and increases the chance of attracting even more people to flirt with you. This chapter gives you the details. Stars make head-turning entrances for a reason - to catch the attention of everyone around them. Making a...

Turning heads with body language

Would the paparazzi be chasing Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie up the red carpet if they moved like Homer and Marge Simpson Not likely. Body language that's different to the norm grabs attention. Strong, definite movements, for example, demonstrate confidence, which in turn serves as both a magnet for other people and as an aphrodisiac. (You can read more on confidence in Chapter 5). People who exhibit definite body language and distinctive movements, as well as those who move differently as a...

Emulating someone you admire

Copying someone you admire - your flirting icon - is one of the simplest ways to improve your flirting style. Flirting icons aren't limited to the rich and famous fabulous flirts are in action all around you. If you've worked with someone who always seems to effortlessly get their own way, or who's never short of company, or who relishes entertaining a crowd of people, then you've watched a supreme flirt in action. Mimicking their technique 100 per cent isn't always possible, but you can adapt...

Developing Killer Rapport with Body Language

You're moving into the non-verbal territory in this part. Contrary to popular belief, what you say isn't as important as how you say it. The chapters in this part cover how to project all the right signals to let people know how interested you are, make all the right noises without saying a word, spot the secret flirting clues that are specific to men and women, and learn how to spot a liar. Enjoy practising, offering, and interpreting the body language clues you need for successful flirting.

Tuning animal instincts

Flirting in the human and animal worlds has been studied by everyone from anthropologists to psychologists and you can use their findings to your benefit. In the animal kingdom, the males are adorned with ornate tail feathers, impressive manes, or striking markings to attract a female. In humans, however, the situation's reversed with the exception of the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries when men sported massive wigs and flamboyant clothing, women have taken on the role of prettying...

Evaluating your adaptability

A good flirt uses their interpersonal talents appropriately, in both the workplace and socially. Whether you're improving your working relationships, making friends or winning dates, the same skills are at play to a greater or lesser degree. By learning to play with the 'volume' control on the elements of your flirting skills, you can adapt your flirting appropriately regardless of the setting. For example, you wouldn't want your boss feeling as if you were hitting on them, and by the same...

Banishing flirting baggage

Flirting baggage is all the bad experiences we carry with us that convert into negative feelings and effectively stop us from fulfilling our flirting potential. Banishing your flirting baggage is a must before you rebuild your lovely flirting skills. Two types of baggage exist The type that you tell people about. Your mother told you not to air your dirty laundry in public for a reason. Not only are people uncomfortable hearing about it, this baggage reflects negatively on you, regardless of...

Looking beyond Mr or Miss Perfect

Nothing is as futile, demoralising, or limiting to your flirting agenda as having a fixed idea of how your perfect partner should be. Watching someone saving themselves exclusively for a person they've never met but who's 'fabulous looking, x feet tall, earns x, has never been married, and is the life and soul of the party', is very sad. Finding Mr or Miss Goodenough is easier and more likely, especially if they too have a more forgiving list of attributes they're hoping to find in a mate....

Getting in Tune with Body Language

Body language is a fundamental part of flirting because it shows how available, attractive, enthusiastic, and sexy we are, or are not. Some signals are unconscious, so you have no control over them and nothing to learn others are deliberate, so you need to put your best effort into learning them. Being able to interpret other people's body language and actions provides you with clues to their emotions. You can use this information to tell when someone fancies you and also to build relationships...

Spotting availability from afar

Telling if someone is available isn't as difficult as it sounds. You can use clues such as their dress and posture to determine who will and won't be receptive to your flirtation. Ideally, you'll make the initial determination from afar. Being well dressed or better dressed than usual (if you already know the person) is a good indicator of intent. If you've never met them before, are they better dressed than others in the immediate social environment If so, they've made a special effort in...

Getting Your Proximity Right

Understanding how to position yourself in relation to other people is a vital skill. Proximity can make or break an encounter. Too far away and they lose interest due to the lack of connection, too close and you frighten them off as you're encroaching on their space. .ajabe* Using the right body language, but in the wrong proximity or part of the flirting process, can be fatal. The following sections explain ( MM ) how to get exactly where you want to be and what you should be doing when you...

What men and Women find attractive

Opposites attract, but often for the reasons you least expect In my flirting seminars I play a game with the attendees whereby the men say what they like and dislike when they first meet a woman and then the women do the same. I've played this game with thousands of people over the years and the results are often a surprise for each group. Here's what I find (note that this info, while not scientific, is illuminating) Men Oddly, good looks rarely ever come up in the men's list of top ten...