Analysing whats holding you back

Finding that little something that's stopping you from taking the risks you need to have greater flirting prowess is simply a case of looking for your constraints.

You may face the following constraints:

✓ Time: You don't have the time available to meet people.

✓ Previous relationships: If a previous relationship failed, you're concerned another relationship may go the same way.

✓ Friends and family: They may prefer to have you at their beck and call and without the complication of a partner/date.

✓ Money: You can't afford a new wardrobe and all the spending money to go dating.

✓ Confidence: You don't feel able to flirt with new people.

✓ Appearance: You're not happy with your appearance; you want to lose some weight or buy some new clothes before you meet anyone.

Write down a list of all your constraints. You'll be amazed by how many constraints you can come up with when you feel reluctant or wary. Identifying your constraints is the first step on the way to challenging and overcoming them.

Cutting the apron strings

Bob had a place on his own, having separated from his girlfriend. His mother took to visiting him on Saturday nights, because he hadn't yet found a social circle that didn't involve his ex. Bob's mum found his company far preferable to that of his father, who'd snore and grunt his way through the Saturday night entertainment on TV. She'd make life as comfortable as possible for Bob, making his favourite meals and bringing the latest films to watch together.

Eventually Bob decided it was time to get out before he turned into his father. By now his mother was well into her new weekend regime and resented the change. She went out of her way to keep him at home with her, even letting herself in ready to meet Bob and any new lady friend he happened to bring home for coffee.

It was tough, but Bob managed to cut the apron strings and motivate himself away from a life of Saturday night TV and a hearty meal with his mum, towards getting out and meeting some new faces. Still traumatised by the experience with his mother, Bob enjoys dating but won't be settling into anything serious for a while.

To get out and get flirting, you need to challenge your constraints and gather your motivation.

Continue reading here: Looking at your motivation

Was this article helpful?

0 0