Emulating someone you admire

Copying someone you admire - your flirting icon - is one of the simplest ways to improve your flirting style. Flirting icons aren't limited to the rich and famous; fabulous flirts are in action all around you. If you've worked with someone who always seems to effortlessly get their own way, or who's never short of company, or who relishes entertaining a crowd of people, then you've watched a supreme flirt in action. Mimicking their technique 100 per cent isn't always possible, but you can adapt their approach to suit your style.

Picking your flirting icon

When you pick your icon, do so with care. When I was tiny I loved watching Marilyn Monroe films. When I hit my teens, I borrowed my mother's lipstick and pouted through half-closed lids, huskily slurring my words. The effect wasn't quite what I'd hoped for -more punch drunk, pubescent teenager than sex idol. I quickly learned that when adapting a style, choosing someone more akin to your own personality and the times than a throw back from decades ago is best.

When choosing a flirting icon, you're not committing yourself to anything for life, only for as long as that icon is appropriate for you. Elvis may have been a great icon in his day, but you'd be getting attention for all the wrong reasons if you were trying to emulate him now. In our celebrity-obsessed culture, business professionals, entrepreneurs, film, music, and reality TV stars are all available icons. Just pick one you identify with.

Achieving the Joanna Lumley effect

Kate had always been confident in her flirting abilities and was able to get on with pretty much anybody. She was friendly, bubbly, and outgoing, and men loved her. However, she was constantly undermining her own confidence as a flirt because she perceived that she lacked sophistication.

She confided in a friend, whose opinion she valued, that if she could change anything, she'd like to be more sophisticated. Her friend asked her to explain exactly what she meant. 'I want to be like Joanna Lumley: calm, sophisticated, and ladylike,' Kate moaned. Her friend was shocked, and replied that she'd always considered Kate sophisticated because she carried herself so well and could flirt with anybody. Bolstered by her friend's revelation, Kate continued with her own brand of flirtatious sophistication and never let the thought undermine her again.

Before making any radical changes to your flirting style, seek the opinion of someone you trust.

Applying your icon's style

Having chosen your icon, determine what exactly it is about them you wish to emulate by deconstructing their style into the following areas:

✓ Clothes: What do you like about their attire? Is it the height of fashion (Posh and Becks), quirky (Russell Brand and Amy Winehouse), conservative (Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes), or casual (Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie)?

✓ Appearance: Are they clean cut, grubby, immaculately groomed, or natural?

Body language: Do they move in a confident, aggressive, flirtatious, gregarious, or considered way?

✓ General demeanour: Are they happy, aloof, well-grounded, formal, relaxed, friendly, or approachable? Does your icon, in an interview situation, smile and make good eye contact, remain composed but approachable, talk candidly on any subject, and so on?

By comparing your icon's style to your own, you can start to see areas that you need to modify. Chapter 5 gives you a great boost on working on your appearance, Chapter 7 helps you emulate their instant appeal, and Part III helps you replace your body language sins with star quality.

Continue reading here: Making up for missed opportunities

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  • milla
    How to emulate someone you admire?
    5 years ago