Choosing to flirt with someone you find attractive, as opposed to someone who's available, is a very common mistake and one of the main reasons for rejection. Yet the person being rejected takes it personally, even when the object of their failed flirtation wasn't looking for someone to flirt with in the first place. You can minimise your chances of rejection at the early stages of a flirtation by working through the flirting checklist and making sure everyone's getting the right message.
Mark had an abysmal track record of flirting with women. None of them seemed to like him and he'd written himself off as a hopeless flirt, so sick of knock-backs he'd vowed never to approach a strange woman again. Actually, Mark was quite able to flirt with women who approached him. It transpired that his rejection was simply down to picking women who were either out with their boyfriends or not interested in flirting.
Mark had to work quite hard at learning how to tell who was available for flirting, but once he cracked it, his flirting success rate was nearly 100 per cent.
Don't write yourself off due to fear of rejection; the problem probably lies elsewhere.
The flirting checklist can be broken down into three points: being able to judge whether they're available, sending the right signals to show you're interested, and being able to assess the other person's response. To avoid picking someone who isn't available for a flirtation, so minimising the risk of rejection, keep these points in mind.
Are they available?
You can tell whether someone's available for a flirtation by paying attention to their body language and position in the room. Look for the following:
✓ Are they scanning the room looking to see who's available?
✓ If they're standing with other people, are they facing the busy part of the room?
✓ Are they showing any classic male/female preening gestures such as smoothing down his tie or lapel, touching his face, lip licking, or playing with or tossing their hair (see Chapter 12 for a more complete list)?
If the answer is yes to all three questions, you can safely assume that they're looking.
When you've established that someone is available for a flirtation, you need to make sure you send the right signals demonstrating that you're interested (and receive the right response, as I explain in the next section) before you proceed.
Have you given them:
✓ A chance to get the best view of you; that is, have you moved to the most advantageous spot in the room? You can find more on choosing power spots in Chapter 7.
✓ The right flirting body language pose for your gender? Ladies, you can make yourself curvier and guys can stand with a wider leg stance. Chapter 12 gives you the lowdown.
✓ A four-second glance? Look at them for four seconds, look away, and then look back. If they're still looking, they're interested. Chapter 10 has more about mastering the four-second glance.
✓ An eyebrow flash? A quick up-down of the eyebrows to say a non-verbal hello goes a long way. Chapter 7 tells you more.
✓ A smile? If they smile back you can take it as a very positive sign. Chapter 10 goes into more detail about what's in a smile.
Sending all these signals makes it clear to the other person that you want to start flirting with them.
Are they responding?
Before you proceed, you need to confirm that the response you're getting is one that encourages your flirtation. Has the person you're about to flirt with:
✓ Returned eye contact?
✓ Used any gender-specific flirting signals (see Chapter 12)?
If they've demonstrated at least three of these five signals you can assume they're interested in starting a flirtation with you and you've minimised the risk of rejection at this stage.
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