Making up for missed opportunities

Think back over the last month and count how many opportunities you missed to engage with someone (not just someone you fancy, but anyone of either gender); consider colleagues, friends, people in the street, or attractive strangers. Any one of those people would've felt better about themselves following a friendly exchange or flirtation, could've been the next link in the chain towards meeting your dream date, or could've actually been your dream date.

If working out a month's worth of opportunities is a bit challenging for your memory, during your next 'typical' day, count the number of potential chances you have to make friendly contact - include anything from a smile, hello, or eyebrow flash (you can find out about eyebrow flashing and other ways to use your eyes to advantage in Chapter 7) - and multiply this number by 30 to get a good estimate.

Taking advantage of all those missed opportunities is the next step in ramping up your flirting abilities. Make a conscious decision to do something different.

This may sound counterintuitive, but if your total missed opportunities are zero or very few, then some lifestyle changes are needed. In other words, if you have few opportunities to capitalise on, you need to actually make some. You need to be around people to make yourself feel more human and involved (see Chapter 6 for ideas on where to find other singletons). Other ways to increase your flirting opportunities include taking a walk at lunchtime near a busy sandwich shop, joining a club (anything from badminton to energy conservation), or getting online and involved in a virtual community.

Prioritise your opportunities into those you feel are the easiest to approach first. Eyebrow flashes (see Chapter 7 for more on these) are very easy on the comfort zone, as well as being non-sexual in intention, and are the most commonly reciprocated. Flash all your potential opportunities and you'll be surprised by the response rate.

Try eyebrow flashing the big boss at work. They're the top dog because they're not only good at their job, they're also good with people (one would hope!). You'll start registering with them on a subconscious level and can build up your relationship with them as you work through the book.


Julia was recently divorced, with a one-year-old child. She'd returned to work, for a sole trader, and her day involved dropping the baby with the childminder, going to her boss's office, beavering away on her own, with occasional appearances from her employer, collecting the baby on the way home, and being trapped in the house all evening with no babysitter and little company.

Undeterred, Julia bought herself a computer and got online. She met various people on everything from forums to dating sites. She loved being able to 'chat' with people who had the same interests as her without the awkward introductions; she could just slip into a group and be part of it. She met a couple of the men she'd been chatting to, but felt no spark, despite being attracted to their online personas. Eventually, she met a guy with whom she had mutual chemistry, and five years down the line she has lots of online friends and is getting married.

You can always meet new people and find your perfect partner; you just have to create opportunities where they don't already exist.

Continue reading here: Taking more risks

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