Reading and Reacting to Female Flirting Signals
Women have some extra flirting clues that are peculiar to the fairer sex. Look out for these in addition to the clues you've gleaned already.
Spotting facial clues
You may know the old saying 'a face can tell a thousand stories'. In the midst of a flirtation you can certainly tell a lot from a woman's facial expression, particularly by knowing how to read her eyes and mouth movements.
Intense feelings cause the tear glands to secrete fluid, but they won't overflow and reduce her to tears unless she's feeling pain or strong emotion. This effect can't be faked and the excess moisture causes the light to reflect off the eye, giving a twinkling effect. As long as you've not just trodden on her toe, if her eyes are sparkling you can view it as a twinkle of excitement.
If you excite her, her blood pressure will race and her lips may swell as they fill with blood. Women are spending a small fortune on having their lips filled for good reason: they want to create the impression of being ripe and desirable.
The wetting of the lips, either with saliva or gloss, also creates the impression of sexual invitation. Slightly parted lips offer a signal that she's open to the idea of you. Women also often bite their bottom lip when they find a man attractive.
Understanding proximity clues
The widening or closing of a gap between you and another person can say a lot more than words about the other person's attitude towards you. In the world of flirting the mantra has to be 'the closer the better', and here I look at the unique methods that women employ to make that happen. (You can read more about proximity in Chapter 10.)
Moving closer to you
If a woman brushes behind you in a bar and gently moves you to the side and if she gives you a broad smile when you turn round to let her pass, she's more interested in chatting to you than getting round you. The intentional touch here is no accident; it's guaranteed to get your attention and is a polite way of excusing herself for invading your space. Plus, she's created a perfect invitation for you to talk if you're then stood next to each other at the bar, because you've already spoken and not chatting would be almost rude.
Women move invitingly closer when they're interested in gaining your full attention. Moving her head closer to yours not only blocks everyone else from your radar, it unconsciously prepares the ground for the first kiss. If her head is so close that your eyes are in line with each other but you're still in focus, for example she's not just bending closer so she can hear you speak in a noisy room, then take the initiative and kiss her.
Lowering her voice and almost whispering whilst leaning her head forward is an invitation for you to join her space and get a little more intimate. Lower your voice too and gently move her hair out of the way so that you can talk gently in her ear. Watch the goose bumps rise!
Never approach a woman from behind because it's a threatening approach. Also, it doesn't give you the opportunity to pave the way with your non-verbal flirting gestures. Always approach in her line of vision.
Placing objects in your way
When a woman finds you attractive she's likely to invade your space with objects. You find that her glass works from her side of the table or bar to yours. If she's confident that you like her, she leaves her glass there, with her hand close by in the hope that you touch it.
A woman's handbag is a very personal object; it can contain a lot of her life. If a strange woman puts her handbag next to you, chances are she's interested in you. Asking you to pass her bag to her or to retrieve something from it is an invitation into her inner sanctum. If she keeps her handbag close to her and away from you, however, she's keeping her emotional distance.
Always compliment a woman on her great choice of handbag. Women spend a lot of time and money on bags, so they'll appreciate your noticing. Commenting shows insight on your part and is an obvious initiation to flirt because men are reputed to not commonly notice these things.
If a woman pushes her glass into your space and leaves her hand there, take the initiative and give her hand a gentle touch next time she says something funny or entertaining.
Recognising tactile clues
When they find a man seriously attractive, women use a whole range of auto-erotic touches. You may notice that she starts to touch herself in one or more of the following ways:
✓ Massaging her neck: No, she doesn't need an osteopath, this move gives her an instant breast lift and shows off her armpit, the source of all those lovely pheromones.
✓ Preening: All that fluffing of hair, licking of lips, and arranging of cleavage is to make her appear at her very best for you.
✓ Using her fingers: If she's using her fingers to gently brush against her lips or cleavage or playing with a glass or straw, her fingers are acting out what she'd like to be happening. In Figure 12-1, the woman's alternating between running her finger around the rim of her glass and playing with the stem, whilst maintaining eye contact - a clear signal that she's into you.
✓ The leg twine: If she's crossing and uncrossing her legs in front of you and gently stroking her thighs, she's indicating a desire to be touched.
When you notice these clues, you can stop doubting and ramp up your flirting technique.
Using mirroring clues
Sexually confident women mirror the cowboy stance seen in men (see Figure 12-2): legs apart, weight on one foot, hips tilted, and hands on hips. If you smile at her and she smiles back broadly whilst maintaining eye contact, as in Figure 12-2, consider it a direct invitation for you to go over and talk to her.
A woman who adopts this stance is interested in only the most confident of flirts. If you want to flirt with her, you need to ooze assurance; she'll take no prisoners and has no time for fragile egos.
You can read more about how both sexes employ mirroring tactics in a flirtation in Chapter 11.
Noticing dress and make-up clues
Don't make the mistake of assuming that if a woman's wearing a revealing outfit she's doing so for your benefit. She's wearing it because she feels great in it and the outfit makes her stand out from the crowd. Only when you spot her adjusting her clothes can you assume that you're the one that she wants to see more of her. If, when you return from the bar, she suddenly has an extra button undone on her top or her skirt seems shorter than before, she's made a quick adjustment for your benefit when you weren't looking.
Wearers of red lipstick are adventurous women, not only because red's a difficult colour to pull off (it's such a strong colour with sexy undertones) but also because it screams 'look at me'. Research shows that bright red lipstick is men's favourite. This colour mimics that of the sex organs at the point of climax.
If you're going to wear red lipstick, be aware that it can make your teeth appear yellow unless they're very bright, so always pick the shade of red that suits you best.
you and providing a flirtatious feast for your eyes - see Figure 12-3. If, however, she's not smiling or is chewing the arm like an anxious hamster, she's worried, not flirting.
Continue reading here: Reading Male Flirting Signals
Was this article helpful?