The Relationship Coach

Reading Male Flirting Signals

Research shows us that women have a range of 52 flirting signals to let men know they're interested; men have approximately 10. Thankfully women are quite adept at spotting and deciphering these clues!

To see if a man's interest in you is more than just passing, look for the following preening clues when you're around a man:

✓ Hair: A guy either smooths or messes up his hair, depending on his hairstyle, to show you that he's trying to display himself at his very best.

✓ Smoothing: When he flattens his tie down or smoothes a lapel, he's using the equivalent move of the female licking of lips. He's trying to appear as groomed and appealing as possible.

✓ Touching himself: If you notice him stroking his cheek with the back of his fingers, or rubbing his chin more often while he's looking at you, he's demonstrating a combination of nervous excitement and preening.

✓ Playing with buttons: If he's fiddling with his buttons he's using a displacement activity - where a person uses an action either to comfort themselves or while they're deciding what to do next - because you've made him a bit nervous and he's

Figure 12-3: Provocative display using glasses.

Spotting preening clues responding to an unconscious desire to remove his clothes. If he then unbuttons his jacket and props it open with his hands on his hips, then removes it completely, he's subconsciously acting out the next stage of the flirtation.

Seeing where his digits point

A man putting his thumbs in his belt or his hands in his pockets with his digits pointing to his crotch is one of the most obvious sexual displays he can put on for a woman in a public place. These gestures are a little subtler than the codpieces men used to advertise their manhood and status back in the 15th century - tight leather trousers or jeans worn with a lighter colour at the crotch are a modern day comparison - but are still definite signals that he wants you to check him out. If he spends the night with his hands on his hips and his fingers splayed out towards his crotch he's subconsciously willing you to look and touch.

Women routinely complain in my seminars about men 'rummaging' -feeling the need to adjust their crotch, either from inside the trouser pocket or by manhandling it from the outside. Almost as shocking as the initial rummage is when a man then offers you the same hand to shake or passes you a drink with it. However, for the man, this gesture is a sign of masculine assertion and to let you know he's got a package so impressive it needs constant re-adjustment.

Checking his spatial dominance

A man's spatial dominance - in other words, how he fills the space around his body - gives you a good indication of his opinion of himself and his level of confidence. How he fills this space when he's around you gives a clue about how he's feeling towards you:

✓ Standing to attention: He flexes his muscles to show you his physique in the best possible light. If he's standing directly in front of you when he does it, the display's for your eyes only.

✓ Hip-holding stance: If he's standing with his legs apart and his hands on his hips, he's confident of his body and wants you to notice it.

✓ Guiding hand: When you're moving through a crowd he'll guide you with his hand on the small of your back or elbow. He's demonstrating to the competition that you're being taken care of and also making sure you don't get lost in the crowd.

✓ Perching: If he perches on the edge of his seat to get closer to you, particularly if he's crossing his leg and the top leg is pointing in your direction, he's signaling that he fancies you.

If you're receiving these signals, make sure things don't go off track. Reassure him and ramp up your flirting game with plenty of mirroring, and use the female flirting signals described earlier in this chapter.

Flirtatious signals don't necessarily come one at a time. Be on the lookout for clusters of signals (refer to Chapter 11). In Figure 12-4, for example, the guy is not only giving the woman a sitting crotch display with his hand pointing towards his crown jewels, he's smoothing his hair, pointing his feet at her, and engaging her in eye contact. A neon sign couldn't make it clearer that he fancies her.

Figure 12-4: Preening crotch display.

Listening for the changes

Changes in his voice offer a big clue as to how far he's into your flirtation. Initially he'll use lots of bass to show you how big and manly he is. A low voice like Barry White's is hot and sexy, while a high tenor conveys youthful exuberance. As the flirtation wears on his hormones start racing and his breath gets shorter; as you move your heads closer together his voice gets quieter. You've now got him in the palm of your hand.

If you move your head closer towards him, maybe with an accidental brush of your cheek against his, you're offering a clear indication that you want to be more intimate and for him to start whispering directly into your ear

Body Language Mastery

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