A scale of flirting hotness exists. If you're playing it too cool, people won't be able to tell if you're flirting or not. If you go in too hot too quickly, you may come across as over-eager. Mastering the scale helps you recognise when someone is having a flirtation with you and also enables you to give them the right signs back to ensure your flirtation goes down smoothly. Figure 2-2 shows the hotness scale, along with references to chapters where you can find out more:
✓ Icy: Avoid this temperature at all costs if you're not to appear aloof or austere, like all the people you consider aloof, stuck up, or generally a bit miserable.
✓ Cool: This level can and should be applied to every person you meet, regardless of age or gender. Playing it cool means applying the basics to let someone know that you like them -smiling, eye contact, and the initial groundwork for a full-on flirt.
✓ Getting warmer: This level provides you with an idea of the sorts of things you need to be doing to let the other person know that you're ready for a good flirt.
✓ Hot: When you're 'hot' and the other person is showing all the same signs, you're good to go and have achieved the flirting holy grail!
• Mirroring breathing patterns and body language (see Ch. 11)
• Auto-erotic touching of objects or themselves (see Ch. 12)
• Getting into the intimate zone (see Ch. 10)
• Intentional touching of you (see Ch. 10)
• Preening, hair playing, smoothing clothes (see Ch. 12)
• Placing a limb in the other person's territory for accidental touching opportunities (see Ch. 10)
• Mirroring body language / posture (see Ch. 11)
• Lack of eye contact or very intense eye contact (see Ch. 8)
Figure 2-2: Degrees of flirting.
Dan was rather dishy, with no shortage of admirers. However, the women he dated never really made it into a proper relationship. They had one complaint in common: they couldn't tell what Dan thought of them and so dropped out rather than risk getting dumped.
Dan was at a loss as to how to proceed until he discovered the flirting thermometer. Using this guide, he increased his temperature for those women he really liked and looked for responsive changes in them. He also used it in his business relationships to ensure he projected the right signals to clients.
Getting the hang of the flirting thermometer benefits all of your relationships.
When you want to flirt with someone, think about where you fall on the scale and then consider where they are.
Being in the same zone is a great start (unless you're both icy). If the other person's hotter than you, however, that's an encouraging sign, but you need to increase your game and move up a gear. (Chapter 11 covers how to use body language and Chapter 12 explains how to recognise signs of flirting.)
¿gjABty Using the thermometer is a great way to tell how much someone else likes you and to keep the situation in check and moving at a pace you're comfortable with. If someone is running at 'hot' on the thermometer and you're not feeling the same way, simply adjust your response to 'cool' or 'icy' and watch their temperature fall.
j»NG/ Letting someone continue to flirt with you unabated is only going ■S^J^ to lead to embarrassment when you have to tell them you don't feel the same way, or a nasty conflict when they accuse you of leading them on.
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