Where flirting starts and ends

Women worry about what they're going to wear and men dwell on the challenge of delivering the perfect chat-up line for good reason. Those details provide the start of the flirting spectrum for each sex.

Contrary to the animal kingdom, where often the females are dowdy and the colourful males provide the courtship displays, women are the sex generally expected to be made up attractively. Women generally feel more pressure to get their appearance right and hence put so much effort into planning and executing their look. A survey of mainly female office workers found that most of them spent over three hours planning their outfit for the Christmas party compared to less than five minutes considering lines of conversation.

Men, on the other hand, tend to believe that flirting starts the moment they open their mouth and issue a chat-up line. That's why they worry so much about what they're going to say. This opening line is also generally considered the point at which you're most at risk of rejection. As men are often the ones making the first move, they can dread this point the most.

Avoid falling into the trap of worrying about what you're going to say and reset your starting point for a flirtation to the initial eye contact. This contact is a less risky start than the 'chat-up line' approach and achieves a higher degree of success. You feel more positive about your flirting approach and create more successful outcomes.

Looking dandy

Melanie had just started dating Stuart. She'd been off the dating scene for a while and felt that perhaps she was batting out of her league, considering Stuart's trendy image. He had fashionable tousled hair and casual but chic clothes. She worried that he'd think she was a bit dowdy and made a big effort to impress him, even sneaking out of bed in the morning to apply her make-up before he woke up.

A few weeks down the line she began to realise that his wardrobe was more limited than she'd imagined. He also took himself off to the barber and returned with a conventional short haircut. She discovered that his 'up to the minute' hairstyle was by accident rather than design as he hadn't had it cut for weeks and his designer wardrobe was actually chosen for him by his mother from the retail village. When she finally confessed to him her original perceptions he could only laugh; her 'high maintenance look' had little impact on him falling for her, he was oblivious to her unwarranted fears, and he actually liked her for who she was, rather than for her attempts to be his idea of what the perfect date should be.

To be a successful flirt, you need only tailor your appearance to suit your style, not to meet your perception of somebody else's expectations.

How To Date Any Girl

How To Date Any Girl

What do women want? This is a question that has baffled men since the beginning of time and we men are no closer to understanding women than we were when we huddled around an open fire every night and lived in caves.

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