There's only one of two states you can be in with a woman: dating a woman or not dating. And there're only two experiences you can have while in those two states: security and insecurity.
An insecure guy who's dating a woman will be very likely to fall under a 'spell' with her. She'll seem to be the light in his life. He'll find himself doing very un-manly things, like calling her all the time, leaving her notes, thinking about her non-stop. It's a crappy situation, because you feel helpless and powerless to your urges.
RESULT: She'll usually become more and more distant, and the relationship dissolves when she either finds someone else, or suggests you both "start seeing other people." (And this happens because you couldn't present enough of a challenge to her. You gave up your goods too early for her, and as a result, the woman has a low emotional investment.)
An insecure guy who's not dating is likely to fall prey to the same behaviors with every woman he meets, and the dating never seems to get off the ground. You might get a phone number or even a first "date" (where she is really just along for the ride and is just waiting to say, "Let's just be friends.") But things rarely take off. They seem interested, but they're not.
RESULT: You get more and more frustrated with women; feeling like you can't figure them out. You start spiraling downward. It gets harder to find women, and the ones you do meet and date all seem to reinforce this belief system you develop about how difficult it is to meet and attract women.
A secure guy who's dating a woman is either secure because he knows he has a great attitude and the techniques and style to get a woman if this one doesn't work out (this is rare), or he's just complacent because he thinks the relationship he's in gives him some stability and security (this is an illusion.)
These last kind of guys are the ones that are in for the biggest shock when their relationship dissolves and he's thrown back into the single's market again. He realizes that 1) his game was never that solid, and he probably lucked into the previous relationship, and 2) he's got a hell of a time ahead of him to get his act together to attract women again.
RESULT: He loses that security almost immediately when he realizes that the behavior that he settled into with a woman in a long-term dating relationship is NOT what will get him a new girlfriend. The dynamic is all wrong. In fact, if he'd kept up the passion and behavior that got him into his relationship, he'd be able to keep it going with her for as long as he wanted.
A secure guy who's dating more than one woman knows that he has the right attitude and ability to handle the singles "scene." He develops his skills and attitude to face it head on. And he knows that it takes a completely different mindset than the guys who are relaxing into a wimpy groove with the woman they're with.
The secure single guy is dating many women because he knows that he has the game necessary to ignore the little rejections and keep finding more women, more opportunity. He knows that he needs more information to keep his growth going so that he becomes a master dater, not a masturbator. He seizes any opportunity to learn more about this dating game.
RESULT: He stays on the Upward Spiral, knowing that his attitude will make his dating life, and his attitude is 100% in HIS control. He rebounds quicker. He gets more dates, more experience, and more success.
Which one of these situations do you want to be in?
You can't afford to be too timid or nice to women. Ever notice how most of the guys who seem like dicks are always able to score well with women? You have to lose the insecure, nice guy edge and take on an attitude of total ownership of your game.
Which one of those states do you want to be in?
If you're in any one of these states, you need to keep moving up the spiral. Get out there and use the Tease to Please to get her number. Then get some experience with the dynamics at work. Instead of getting frustrated, get EDUCATED. You're ready for the Dating Dynamics programs, and finally understanding how men and women interact in dating.
If you have found yourself nodding your head at any of what I've just told you, the rest of our e-book and audio programs will be a revelation for you.
There's an incredible wealth of information in these programs, and you owe it to yourself to make it a part of your understanding of women and relationships. You'll learn so much, like how The Three S's are your key to understanding your male power and building female attraction:
You'll learn hundreds and hundreds of phrasings, strategies, and principles that will change your life.
Maybe you'd like to learn how to handle conversations like this - the right way:
Yolanda: "I'm thinking about taking a course in astrology next year." Frank: "Do you think you're going to tell fortunes or something? I don't think astrology would be a good course addition. It's not practical, and it wouldn't help for your degree. Aren't you going into accounting?"
Yolanda: (shrugging) "I'm not sure yet. I was thinking about going into marketing."
Frank: (sighs) "Marketing? That doesn't sound good right now, especially in this economy. You should stick with your accounting. You're good with numbers."
Yolanda: (crosses her arms) "How do you know what I want? Aren't you listening to me?"
Frank: (raising his voice) "Of course I'm listening! You just told me you want to change your course over to astrology. And you're thinking you're going to change your major."
Yolanda: (rolling her eyes) "That's not what I was saying at all!"
Carlos Xuma is a well-known dating advisor, as well as a motivational and life counselor. He's the author of The Dating Black Book, The Seduction Method, Secrets of the Alpha Man, and too many other articles to mention.
Carlos has also been a guest advisor and author on numerous sites and respected dating publications, such as:
- Maxim Radio
- Bikini Hangout
- Seduction Insider
- Don Juan Center
- Dating Newsletter
- Single Again
- Cliff's List
- Dating Class
- The Dating Insider Book
- Man Mindset
- Summum Magazine
- Savvy Insider - the art of single living
Was this article helpful?