What a real Man is like and what it means to lead

I talked a lot about "being a Man" in the previous chapter. But what do I mean by this? This is the most difficult part to understand. Once you really get it down, you will have no problems with women.

If you ask them, 999 out of 1,000 women will say that they are waiting for "the Man." Still, the concept itself is very vague. A girl will "feel" when she is with a "Man," but that doesn't help you too much, does it? In order to understand it from our viewpoint, we will look at genetics again. As I said in chapter 1.3, women are acceptors, while men are donors. An acceptor can choose whether to accept what the donor gives or not. Hot girls are spoiled by the numerous unconditional offers they get and usually reject them flatly.

They love to remind us that it's they who choose. But this is not ALWAYS the case. A hot woman will meet many average Joes every day. Of course, she could select any of them if she wanted. But what she craves is a real Man. And here's the twist: That Man is not a real Man for her alone, but for all other women as well. He has qualities to which all girls will respond. It's wired inside them. He is now the one in the position of power. So, in the end, she will have to do the dirty work and seduce him. Women don't spend hours in front of the mirror just to be sure that they look their best, but also to ensure that when a real Man comes, he notices them.

And this is how an ideal seduction looks. The man CHOOSES first. He expresses his interest in the woman through his attentions. If he is POWERFUL enough, the woman will like him. But she will also know that he has CHOICES, so she will try to seduce the Man and tame him to stay with her. So what do I mean by "powerful"? Looks, money, fame or influence? None of the above. These are just external qualities that can trick a woman into feeling that you are powerful. True power comes from the inside. A real Man will make her feel like a woman just by his presence. Even if he is naked and without his money, car and clothes, his power radiates from within.

Back to evolution, the most important thing to show your woman is that she can feel safe with you. The Man has to be POWERFUL enough to LEAD her. But, if you are in a restaurant and she is the one who has to choose the table where you sit, then has to order the food while listening to you say, "You are soooo beautiful. I don't deserve such a beauty," what will she think? Is this man capable of protecting her? Does she feel safe with him? No. So the No. 1 quality a Man has is the ability to lead. Here are the other two as well:

1. A Man knows how to lead, and he is confident in his role.

2. A Man always has options, self-respect and is never needy.

3. A Man knows how to treat her.

Let's look at No. 1 again: A Man knows how to lead, and he is confident in his role. You know how hard it is to be the captain of a ship? You are constantly forced to make decisions and take responsibilities. A slight sign of uncertainty is enough for you to lose the faith of your whole crew and probably the ship as well. How could 40 people follow their captain if he showed signs of hesitation and uncertainty? If you were in the crew, would you risk your life for such a captain? Not likely. Would you do it for a confident and resolute one who is always certain, even if he makes mistakes at times? Yes.

It's almost the same with women. There are two people in a boat: you and she. You are the captain. She expects you to lead. At the first sign of uncertainty, she will jump out of your boat and choose another one. You will constantly have to be on your toes when making decisions. No one cares if it's a good or bad decision; it's you who will take the responsibility in the end. Young guys can't take responsibilities. To be a Man, you have to learn that first. Each and every decision you make will have a consequence. You can postpone making it, but sooner or later, you will have to decide. And it might be too late by then.

I haven't talked enough about confidence yet. Hesitation is not a Manly trait. A Man knows what he WANTS and ISN'T AFRAID to TAKE IT. When you make decisions, BE SURE OF YOURSELF. It's a part of LEADING and taking RESPONSIBILITIES. You choose the restaurant where you will go with your date. You choose the table where you will sit. The food might be bad, and the people at the nearby table might be annoying, but who cares? If you are confident, my friend, you can get away with almost ANYTHING. Yes, ANYTHING. Read that sentence again.

Psychologists did an interesting experiment: There was a photocopy machine in a school where many students were always in line during breaks waiting their turn to make copies. A guy walked up to the machine with a banana in his hand. He cut to the front of the line and said, "I need to copy these papers right now, so I can eat my banana before the end of the break." He did it casually and confidently, as if it were a normal everyday thing to cut to the front of the queue. But what happened next? Nothing. He stood in the front of the line, did what he wanted and then went to eat his banana. And no one complained! There was no fight, no loud words. This incident is just one of the many that show you can get away with ANY BULLSHIT as long as you are consistent with it and act confident enough in your role.

There is a difference between real and false confidence, however. A confident person is calm and cool, like a sniper waiting for his turn in the bushes. When such a person walks into a room, everyone is looking at him. And not because he walks so stiffly that they are laughing at him! That would be a falsely confident person, someone who is either annoying or funny because of visibly overcompensating for his insecurities. Typical signs are: trying to get attention by being loud, harassing somebody either verbally or physically to prove something to onlookers or being stiffly formal and walking like a robot with a serious expression instead of a smile.

But, if you don't have real confidence yet, how can you fake it and not appear to be faking it? Isn't this a paradox? Not really. With experience, you will be able to LOOSEN UP in your ROLE and seem very casual from the outside. A beginning stand-up comic is very nervous when he takes the stage for the first time. He has butterflies in his stomach. An experienced comic will take the stage as if nothing unusual is happening. No one notices that what he has is a kind of fake confidence. He still has butterflies in his stomach, but he has learned to deal with it and hide those feelings.

And that, my friend, comes with EXPERIENCE. If you have never kissed a woman, don't expect to be confidently kissing 10 women a day tomorrow. This book is not a magic bullet. You will have to practice. You will have to experiment. You will have to put in the time yourself. I can't do that for you. But, when you do, you'll get the EXPERIENCE.

So back to our list, the second point is: A Man always has options, self-respect and is never needy. Yes. What do I mean by having OPTIONS? Initially, the woman is in the position of power. She is the one who chooses. And she knows this very well. When you approach her, she can reject you. When it's time to kiss her, she can say no. When you want to have sex, she can refuse it. That's all true. But how do we make sure that she doesn't have a choice? Ha! By being a Man. She will see that you are one of the few "select" instantly and know this is her one and only chance to meet somebody like you. She knows you can move on and get another woman whenever you want.

By the way, I tricked you. A Man who is capable of leading well won't leave her any time to think. He will appear out of the blue and talk to her. He will kiss her when the right moment comes without asking anything. She won't have a choice. At least she will feel as if she doesn't have a choice. And that's what she has wanted all along. To be swept away by the moment, with no other choice or time to think about social restrictions.

Let's talk a bit about SELF-RESPECT. People who think they are worth nothing or want to be treated like shit WILL BE treated like shit. How do you expect anyone to respect you if you don't even respect yourself? Be able to stand up for yourself whether you're dealing with women or men. How you see yourself and what you think of yourself influence your behavior, and people will respond to you accordingly. Being depressed and having negative thoughts will get you nowhere. Your thoughts form your personality. Those who have negative thoughts and see everything as gray will attract such things into their lives. People who learn to control their thoughts and strengthen themselves with positive affirmations become successful.

"I don't deserve this. I'm such a loser. I'm worth nothing. My life is a waste. Nothing works for me. I'll never get any girls." Eliminate those destructive thoughts for good. "I'm a real Man. I know what I want, and I know how to get it. I have goals in my life, and I am motivated to reach them. I'm successful with women and successful in everything else. I enjoy my smallest achievements and stay proudly on my path whatever life brings. I'm open to new experiences and ideas, learning from my faults and able to change myself in a good direction." That's what you should say to yourself every day.

As I mentioned, another tool in your arsenal is not being NEEDY. You don't need her. But why don't you need her when she's so beautiful? And you've never had such a beautiful creature even talk to you ... Stop now before your legs start shaking, will you? Lesson No. 1: NEVER EVER put a woman on a pedestal. Have your SELF-RESPECT, and don't cling to her like a baby. Never put her above you. There are so many guys putting her up there that it's not a challenge to her anymore. We will talk more about this in the next chapter.

In ancient times, the most successful cavemen, the Men, always had OPTIONS. They could choose literally any of the women they wanted. Did they put those women on a pedestal? No. They treated them like normal people — people who had desirable physical characteristics and might be capable of giving birth to their powerful children. Think a bit. If you were Brad Pitt and you could have all the women you wanted, would you put any of them above you? No way! And don't laugh: When a real Man comes into her life, it will be like Brad Pitt appearing.

Be careful though. Girls know what's up. Somebody with options will never show off or brag about it. He won't say, "Oh, I have three girls, Vanessa, Mary and Janice. It's so hard to choose between them. It's not easy being a player these days." He will act like a Man instead, somebody who is willing to go his own way without trying to meet anyone's expectations. You don't need to have eight girlfriends to have the attitude I'm talking about. Even if you had to move to another planet without knowing anyone, your Manliness should radiate from your personality, confidence and behavior.

A hot girl always has many men on the go. There are at least 10 numbers she can call to have an army of guys flocking to her door immediately, just like hot guys who keep many girlfriends at the same time. Usually the girls even know about each other, but the guy is so cool that they don't care. Of course, you don't have to keep a harem if it's not to your taste. Initially, one girl will be more than enough to handle. But you should still keep a few phone numbers in your pocket. Don't stop seeing other women because of dating a hot girl. Even if you've kissed her or had sex with her, that doesn't mean you're already in a relationship and she is deeply in love with you. If you feel like it, call up some of those numbers, go out and have some fun. See? It's again about having OPTIONS.

The third thing on our list is: A Man knows how to treat her. A Man is a gentleman. He will be attentive, opening doors and pulling out chairs for her, and know how to care for her. Of course, he does all this in a confident way. Girls mostly encounter two types of guys: One of them is the average chump, whom she is bored to death with, who will put her on a pedestal, fulfill each and every one of her wishes and so on. The other is the typical jerk who acts Manly at times, but doesn't know how to treat her. Usually she will stay with the jerk instead of the average fool, but won't be satisfied with either of them deep inside.

But a real Man knows HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN. And that's not just about confidence. Never forget that women are not objects or devices of experimentation. They are wonderful human beings and everyday people, just like you. So treat them equally. They have bad days and good days. They pee and shit. And they especially like thoughtful words and little surprises. Remember chapter 1.2? Sometimes being thoughtful or giving a little present will mean much more to a woman than a huge bank account.

Hot girls are self-validation junkies. They crave attention and appreciation. If you give her too much, like an average Joe would, she will get bored and leave you quickly. If you give her too little, she will end up seeking it from other guys. The best strategy is to REWARD her with validation. It's a powerful tool. This will be a crude comparison, but think dog training. When the dog does something bad, he is scolded. But, when he does something to the liking of his owner, he is rewarded with a treat. It's the same with women. Reward her when she does something that you like. You don't have to buy presents. Kind words like, "I was thinking about you, remembered your beautiful smile, and it made me happy!" are usually more than enough.

On the contrary, never give in to wacky wishes of girls. It's easy to go from one extreme to the other. If she wants to go shopping while you're watching your favorite sports program, tell her to wait or go alone. Then another time when she doesn't expect it, say that you decided to skip watching your favorite sports today and you want to take her out instead. The key is in the attitude. In the first case, she's being insistent. In the second, you are rewarding her for being a "good girl." You are the Man, and it's your decision. You are CONSISTENT

within your MANLY FRAME, while being KIND and CARING at the same time. She will be happy because of this.

By the way, why don't you get bored while playing sports? Because of competition and CHALLENGE. It's the same with girls. Keep them on their toes. Be a CHALLENGE. Women love that. It's part of being a Man and having OPTIONS. Show her that you are in control. Refuse what she wants today; give it to her tomorrow when she's not expecting it. Push her away; then pull her back. This creates tension and excitement. Compliment her when you feel like it, but never overdo it. If you wake up every morning and tell her how beautiful she is, it will get boring quickly. But, if you tell her randomly, when she doesn't expect it, it will make her happy.

So compliment women, and give them kind words. Show your girl that you care for her and think about her. Surprise her sometimes, but NEVER OVERDO ANY OF THESE. They are wonderful tools as long as they keep their value. If a product goes into mass production, it loses its luxury worth in the market and becomes commercial. If there were an Eiffel Tower in every city, would it be a curiosity? No. So treat the above tools the same way. Think twice before using them, but make sure you use them AT TIMES.

Last, here is another exercise. Some of the ideas described above might seem strange or unfounded. I want you to discover their power on your own. Read this chapter again a few more times, and think about it. Keywords are confidence, leading, making her feel safe, taking responsibility, not being needy, having self-respect, knowing how to be a gentleman and knowing how to treat women. When you feel that you have these concepts down in your head, ask a girl you know how she would define a "real Man." If you can collect your thoughts and tell her about the topics behind the keywords I just mentioned, she will be astonished.

2.2 Typical errors men make and how to avoid them

I'm sure you've had a date with a girl that didn't go the way you expected. It happens to everyone. Just realize that it's not a matter of some invisible cloud following you around. How women respond to you depends on your personality and Manliness. There are common errors men tend to make when going out with a woman. Small details count a lot in the big picture. A little bit of inconsistency within your Manly frame, and you lose her. This is what I'll be talking about in this chapter.

The biggest mistake you can make is to treat a woman as if she is different by putting her on a pedestal or looking down on her and treating her bad. Most guys, on seeing an attractive woman, are like, "OMG, she is soooo hot and beautiful. I don't really deserve such a girl ..." Why? Why don't you deserve her? Because she is hot? Is she above you in any way? No. Is she more than you? No. She is a human being, just like you and me. Women expect you to be a bit above them. They like it when they can look up to a man and not only because you are taller. Have qualities that she can admire in you, the most important of which are your personality and ability to lead her in the right direction.

Flowers and presents. They are wonderful tools for keeping a relationship and showing a woman how important she is to you — but not for seducing her. It's a common misconception that you will lay her by buying her flowers or gifts. A Man would reward her with that. But why should she be rewarded when you don't even know her? When you go out with a girl, she is usually a complete stranger to you. Do you buy flowers for strangers? No. Do you send gifts to strangers? No. It's OK to do so when you're in love with her, and she's in love with you. But please, forget those tools for the first few weeks at least. Most guys who try to date her will bring flowers or chocolate bonbons. She just laughs at such lame attempts. Separate yourself from the crowd. Be different. A Man doesn't need to stand in line. He knows what he wants, and he knows how to get it.

Complimenting. It's easy to go the wrong way with compliments. A compliment here and there is fine, but avoid overdoing them. They get boring quickly. How you compliment her matters a lot: "Oh, you look soooo beautiful!" — This is lame. You are putting her on a pedestal. You praise her looks — she has heard this a thousand times already. Her looks are genetics. She can't influence that. Another bad one: "Nice ass!" — Macho-style compliment. This is again a stupid way to do it. Compliment your buddy's girl to your buddy like that, but not the girl you're seeing. If she's hot, she likes to be complimented because of her personality, style or general outlook. No one does that. She'll be flattered by your noticing it. Tell her she has a beautiful smile and that you like it when she smiles. Tell her she has nice earrings and that you like her taste. Tell her that you like her perfume and that it's one of your favorites.

Compliments should always be short, to the point and uncomplicated. "Your eyes look like a hundred shining stars in the moonlight." — Leave this one for the poets. Just say: "Your eyes are beautiful. I like looking at them." The way you speak is very important. Be calm, relaxed and not overly excited when complimenting her. Speak slowly, look into her eyes and smile. Charm her like a real Man. Deliver compliments in a slow, soothing, seductive voice. Don't act like Romeo and overdo the seductive part, because it will sound stupid. Be casually confident in your role.

Money. Money is a sign of power. If a guy earns a lot, he must be very successful in life. It also provides safety in the form of financial stability. Then again, a real Man won't need much cash to seduce a girl. She will feel safe with him, and there will be no need for the extra financial support. Never waste your money on women or give useless presents. It's OK to invite her to the movies or pay on the first date. But, if you do, expect her to pay on the second. If she doesn't offer, ask her to contribute. Don't force her to pay the whole bill though; a Man is always a gentleman.

If you pay on the first date and she doesn't offer to pay at least her part on the second, that's a sign that you might have found a gold-digger chick. Avoid those. Spend money on a woman when you want to and not when she demands it. If she begs you to buy her some new clothes or something, firmly refuse. But, if you are in a relationship, and you would like to see her in sexy lingerie, buy some as a present. Do you see the difference between the two frames? The latter is your decision and not something she "ordered."

A note for rich guys: It's OK to spend money on a girl at your level. If you eat at the trendiest, most expensive restaurant every day and you can afford it, don't take her to some cheap place. Take her into your reality. If you drive a Ferrari, don't go on your date by bus. And don't boast about "how cool you are" either. And finally, don't buy her off. If she becomes demanding and asks for too much in your reality, refuse it.

The same holds true for guys who are not so wealthy. Spend money on the girl at your level. If you can't afford to go to a trendy restaurant yourself, don't scrimp and save just to take a woman there. Choose a cheap but romantic place instead where the food is good. Or go for no-cost dates like a romantic walk in the park. Never try to hide your financial situation. If you have a cheap car, don't rent an expensive one to take a woman on a date. She will find out about your financial situation sooner or later. Don't forget: Women will love you because you are a Man and NOT BECAUSE OF YOUR MONEY.

Going physical. Not touching her or initiating kissing or sex is a big problem. It is the man who always has to make the first move. The girl will give signs that she is ready; you have to read them and advance accordingly. If you force going physical too early, she will freak out and run away. If you do it too late, she will think that you're afraid. It's also necessary to build the foundation. She won't be comfortable kissing you if you've never touched her before. Touch her occasionally on the arms, shoulders or hands in a casual way. It's a normal, everyday thing to do. There's no need to go to the other extreme and become a touchy-feely guy though. And don't forget, you always have to be the one initiating; she won't do it for you. When you see that she's ready, go in for the kiss and so on.

Sense of humor. In most surveys of women about the ideal guy, humor comes up as one of the most important qualities for a man to have. Never be too serious on your dates. Enjoy your time together, laugh at each other's jokes and, when the situation calls for something funny, tell her something funny. You're not expected to joke like a stand-up comic would; just be yourself. Everyone has a little sense of humor, and that's more than enough. If she's attracted to you, she will laugh at even your lamest high school jokes and think you are a funny guy. So don't hold back, and don't keep a straight face for the whole time. Self-irony is also a good quality to have. Be able to laugh at yourself, not just at other people. And finally, smile. You can never smile too much. Women love a Man who smiles a lot — it makes both you and your girl feel good.

Friends zone. Probably the thing you dread most in your interactions with women is hearing: "Let's just be friends, OK?" You don't want them as friends. I'm sure you have already heard that line and have a few girl "friends." You might have even used it on girls who didn't meet your standards. Well, those words mean that you fucked something up. To put it bluntly, you were a pussy and not a Man. Usually, you either get together with a woman or she brushes you off sooner or later. But, in this case, you acted like a typical "nice" guy. You don't want that, right? So stop acting the way you did to get there. Possible reasons follow.

Being a mama's boy. Girls sense it instantly and leave. If you're over 25 and still living with your parents, maybe you should think about that just a bit. Looking to your mother for decisions, running to her when something goes wrong, not being able to separate from your parents or take responsibility, asking their advice on everything, having no goals of your own, being unable to provide for yourself, lacking independence. Are these the qualities of a Man? How could you provide for somebody else, when you can't even provide for yourself? Look at yourself objectively and, if you recognize any of these traits in your personality, change them for good.

Being macho instead of being a Man. Yep. It's a common misconception that women want machos. No, they want a Man. A macho is loud, bold and aggressive instead of being confident. He's trying to hide his insecurities with such behavior. Never mix the two. A Man is by no means aggressive. He is calm and cool. Machos are sometimes full of themselves. A Man knows his limits and never boasts about himself. He knows that people around him will look up to him, and he doesn't need to look for their approval. Even if machos get women, it's because of the jerk side of them. You don't need that to get the hottest girls. Keep this in mind, and when you experiment with leading and becoming a Man, avoid the macho trap. If you are shy, don't overcompensate by becoming arrogant and aggressive. Advance slowly. Confidence and leading will come with practice.

2.3 Dressing, working out, taking care of yourself

I hope I don't need to stress how important it is to be well groomed, neat and looking your best when meeting girls. They spend hours in front of the mirror to look good; we can at least be hygienic. Shave every day, wash your hair, use deodorant, wash your cock — this is common knowledge. Cut the nails on your hands and feet, and clean the dirt from under your nails. Use foot-antiperspirants if your feet smell bad. Clean your shoes often, and always iron your clothes. Mind the color of your socks, and don't mix them. Put on a clean shirt and underwear every day.

Such small details are very important to women. When making your first impression, they will judge you based on this. Even if you don't consider yourself good-looking, there are certain steps you can take to LOOK YOUR BEST. You don't have to look as if you just stepped out of some fashion magazine, but a Man knows how to dress and how to look fine. Just by doing that, he leaves a good impression on people. If you look like a nerd, you're making your own life harder. So take my advice:

1. Go to a hairstylist. I suggest visiting the best salon in your city. Don't spare money on your looks. Ask the stylist what hairstyle he/she thinks would be the best for your face and character. Just by getting a stylish and cool haircut, you can change your image a lot. If long hair goes well with your face, wear it that way (but keep it clean!). If shorter or totally bald is better, go for that look. Don't be afraid to ask your hairstylist; he's there to help. If you don't want to spend that much money, go to the best salon once, show your new haircut to your favorite hairstylist and have him/her cut it that way afterwards.

2. Glasses. They usually don't look good. Drop them, and wear contact lenses instead.

There are very few people who look good in glasses. If you have to wear them, try to find a pair that suits the shape of your face. Sunglasses can make you look cool in the summer. Just choose them wisely. You can ask a clerk at the shop to help you find a good pair.

3. Shaving. Shave your face, or trim your beard. If you have too much hair on your body, trim it or depilate it to make yourself look smoother. It doesn't matter whether you keep your pubic hair or shave it off, but if you keep it, make sure that it's well trimmed and looks neat. If you wear sleeveless T-shirts, shave your armpits.

4. Dressing. This is one of the most important things about your looks. Go to the trendiest club in your city and take a look at how guys dress. If you think it might suit your image, look at what models wear. Go to the nearest shopping center with one of your friend girls (or, if you have to go alone, ask the shop clerk), and buy some stylish new clothes. Read fashion magazines or men's magazines. Always dress fashionably. Find a style that suits your personality which is trendy at the same time.

5. Working out. Take up a sport. If you're fat, lose weight. I recommend diets that separate protein from carbs (not to be confused with low-carb diets, which can be very unhealthy), but talk to your dietitian before doing anything crazy. I also advocate becoming a vegetarian, because it's good for your health and helps you keep yourself in balance. But, before you do anything, always ask for advice from an expert, or consult the proper books!

If you are slim, put on some muscle. It's a good idea to look buffed up a little. You don't have to be another Schwarzenegger, but take good care of your body. If you don't want to work out, take up martial arts or dancing. Both provide good instruction in how to be a Man.

6. Take care of yourself, both inside and out. If you have acne or another skin disease, get the proper treatment. You have to take care of such small problems to be comfortable in your own body. That's key. For the inside, give yourself time to relax and try to live a less stressful life. Try some type of meditation or yoga to balance yourself and become focused. Don't listen to the macho crap that tells you such things are for women only. If you have a war going on inside, you won't look calm and confident on the outside. Be comfortable in your own body.

2.4 Manly body language and voice tone

My name is Bond. James Bond. Don't laugh: Even though they're just fiction, you can learn a lot from James Bond movies. He is a true Man. Let's play a little bit. Imagine that you got the role of James Bond in an upcoming movie. How would you prepare yourself for it? You would probably watch most of the James Bond films already out there and practice in front of a mirror to make your part fit the original character perfectly.

Now I don't ask you to watch all the James Bond films. But I ask you to watch a few, and instead of focusing on the spectacular action scenes, pay attention to the main character. Observe how he walks, how he talks, the tone of his voice and how he interacts with women. What he says is not that important, but how he says it — you can learn a lot from that. He is always confident, calm and casual. He knows how to lead, and he knows that women will always follow him, without doubt. So I suggest you go to your favorite video store now and rent a few James Bond films if you haven't already done so.

Here is a list describing confident, Manly body language. Use it to calibrate yours:

1. Arms. Folding your arms is a closed position. It means that you could be hiding something, you're not comfortable, you don't want to talk, or you don't like what the other person is saying. A confident Man is always comfortable and doesn't have to hide anything. He usually has his arms by his sides or partially in his pockets.

2. Legs. Closing your legs, crossing them or keeping your feet together might show insecurity. Stand with your feet wider apart. Of course, a 4.5-foot straddle would be ridiculous. Stand in a comfortable, natural way.

3. Eyes. Most of the time, you should look the other person in the eyes. Don't stare at her awkwardly; just catch a glance here and there and maintain eye contact when you can. Never stare at the ground when talking to someone either. You are not a kid who got bad grades in school and is afraid to talk to daddy. Look away to the side, but never down. Confidence should be radiating from your glance.

4. Posture. Stand erect, and don't bow your back. And, since I suspect no one pushed a post up your ass, don't stand firmly in a stiff way. You can stand loose without arching your back, right? Right.

5. Smiling. It's always a good idea to smile. It disarms people. It's scientifically proven that smiling will not only give good feelings to the smilee, but to the smiler as well. Yes, that's you. So don't be afraid to do it. You shouldn't always have a big grin on your face, but when talking to women or approaching a girl, make sure to smile a lot. It makes a good impression and even helps her loosen up while talking to you. She won't be as afraid as she would be if you approached with a serious look on your face. So remember what I say, and drop the macho thing, OK?

A confident person is usually in a relaxed and comfortable state. He avoids making fast moves. He doesn't play with his fingers or shake his legs nervously. Every move you make and every muscle you move should be the result of a conscious decision and not caused by anxiety. Walk slowly, but casually. Don't walk like a robot, please. Be calm and relaxed. You are not in a hurry. You don't have to run. You are not being chased. Move at your own pace. And don't be afraid to take up some space as you move. Of course, you don't want to walk with your hands spread 6 feet apart, but show that you can fill the space around you.

A selfish person will take all the space he can; a confident person takes as much as he needs, but doesn't ask permission for it. Always be comfortable in your own skin. If you feel good in a certain position, it will be visible to others as well. And remember, this is just for practicing. Don't be stupid, and don't think that the more you exaggerate the above, the more Manly you will look.

One more thing I want to talk about is voice tone. Some guys might have problems with their voices. If your voice is high like a girl's, it's not very Manly. A Man has a low, calm, soothing, seductive voice. It should come from the chest/abdomen area and not from your throat. You can practice by yourself: Repeat saying a compliment like, "You have a beautiful smile. I like it." Keep doing it. Start normally; then lower your voice a bit. Slow down a little. Practice till it sounds like James Bond saying: "My name is Bond. James Bond." If you have a microphone, it's a good idea to record your attempts and listen to them later. If you have the patience and the time, I suggest you experiment with your voice a few minutes every day for a week or more. Then each day after a short practice, play it back to learn how you still need to improve. On to the next step, Mr. Bond.

2.5 First, put things together on the inside; then everything will be fine on the outside

This is the most important of all. I have met many guys on Internet forums who are trying to learn how to pick up women. They spend their time memorizing techniques, stories and routines to become better at picking up the hotter girls. Ultimately, most of them end up burned out and still without a life. Look, if you want to have success with women, you have to get your own life under control first. If you are a nerd and don't have hobbies apart from sitting in front of the computer and watching porn, get a life — as crude as it sounds.

A Man is PASSIONATE. He has goals and dreams for his life, and he is DETERMINED to GET WHAT HE WANTS. A woman loves listening to a man who talks passionately about his hobbies, job or whatever. She wants to share his dreams and be a part of his wonderful world. If you don't have a life outside the club where you picked her up, how can she be a part of something that doesn't exist? She can't.

There are hobbies that are particularly good for experiencing what it means to be a Man. Martial arts, dancing or anything competitive fits into this category. Even extreme sports fit, but they can be hazardous to your health. You'll have to decide this for yourself, but here's what I did: I took a salsa dancing course. Since then, I've become a fanatic. When you dance, you learn to let go of everyday stress and feel totally free. It's also one of the best ways to learn indirect communication with females. In salsa (and other dances that involve couples), you are forced to lead. The woman won't know what's coming next; it will always be a surprise for her.

Imagine standing on the dance floor. You make eye contact with a girl, walk up to her confidently and ask for a dance. Then you grab her hand without waiting for a reply, lead her to the dance floor and start dancing with her. In such situations, you will FEEL what it's like to be a Man. The sexy look in her eyes, how she glances at you, expecting you to lead — that's when you realize what being a Man means. You learn to lead and make decisions. You learn to push and pull her gently. You learn about the subtle power play going on between the male and the female on the parquet. Do you FEEL what I'm talking about?

Have you noticed that when you stress too much about something and keep waiting for it anxiously, it just won't happen? Like when you're looking for your keys and turn the whole house upside down to find them. Only after you stop caring so much and say, "Damn it, I give up!" will you find the keys — right under your nose. This is true of everything in life. When you want something so desperately, you won't get it. But when you can let go of your obsessive feelings and learn to care less about it, you will achieve your goal.

There is a method for getting anything you want. First, know what it is, and decide if you really want it. Second, be determined, resolute and ready to do anything to get it. Third, take the steps necessary to achieve your goal. Remember, you can't win the lottery if you don't play — no matter how resolute you are. © And the fourth step is: After you've done everything you can, let it go. Yes, let it go. Forget about the whole thing, and stop caring so much. That's the hardest part. But only then will you arrive at the fifth step, which is reaching your goal.

It's exactly the same with women. After you've done what you can to accomplish your goal, let go of your obsession. Go out occasionally, socialize, make friends and live a busy life.

As soon as you forget what you wanted so much, you'll have girls flocking around you. Time and patience are necessary to achieve success with women. The busier you are, the less time you have to feel sorry for yourself because of not getting women or not getting the ones you want, and the more likely that you'll be successful.

I've mentioned meditation before. It gives you power. You learn to release unnecessary feelings, to focus on important things intensely, to clear your mind and to keep your self-discipline. All of these will contribute to your becoming a Man. Inner balance brings outer balance that is visible to women. Learn to control yourself. The only person you can control in this world is YOU. If you just understand that, you will be way ahead of the crowd and find yourself leading others. A strong leader always has very strong self-control. He doesn't want to control anyone, just himself and his reality, and the people follow him.

With women, focus your mind on the inside. Believe in what you do, and believe that you will make women follow you. We make our own reality by the way we see it. Your perception of the world is like a boomerang. It's a subjective thing, which you can change, but it also comes back and influences you at the same time. You can see the world as an aggressive, hostile place and behave defensively, or you can build a friendly environment around yourself by acting accordingly. There is nothing you can't reach. Again, this requires a lot of practice. This is what life is about.

Continue reading here: The first step meeting girls

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