Your Family Ebooks Catalog
If you are a divorced or single woman with children, you should follow all The Rules. In addition, be especially careful when dating not to go on about all the pain from your first marriage or talk too much about your children. When you meet a man at a dance or social situation, it isn't really necessary to mention your children at all. Let him take your phone number, then wait until he calls for you to gently weave it into the conversation. Don't say in a serious tone I need to tell you something. Remember in Rule 19 Don't Open Up Too Fast, we advise you to tell him about yourself very informally. Just casually say, Oh, that's my son playing the piano or something like that. If and when he does ask you out for Saturday night don't say, Nine on Saturday is great, but I'll have to call the baby-sitter. Don't fill him in on details of raising children or how your ex-husband was supposed to babysit and is just so unreliable It isn't necessary for a man to know you haven't gotten your...
Statistically, more people are marrying and remarrying than ever before Concerns about fertility are balanced by women deciding that they can have children without the benefit of a partner, another factor that has radically altered the dating landscape. Some people who are raising children are dating but have never married and don't intend to (see Appendix A for info about dating if you're a single parent).
The internal system you use to instantly judge whether a woman is attractive or not, has formed over a period of a million years. This system gives you the ability to instinctively feel attraction toward women who are more likely to give birth to healthy children who themselves will likely grow up into desirable mates, thereby ensuring the future of your genes.
I Recognize that your responses to any scenario or transaction can be courtesy of your inner demons These are all natural, instinctive voices but your leader voice will need to be developed to control all these others to help achieve your own image goals I Now's the time to identify that leader voice. It will stand for logic and reason It will need to be able to take control in any emergency and it will need to be able to self-coach, reminding you of all you stand to gain and everything you could lose if you allow your child animal diva voices to take control . I The name of this voice or state is adult . I When you feel emotions taking over, focus on this adult state and allow it to steer your body language Think positively and tell yourself to expect positive outcomes Let this reflect in your posture and gestures I Visualize your adult self . Put a face to it and even a name to it, if it helps See it coping in an emergency
We've found several sources of kids for photo op purposes. The best ones are the children of other family members cousins, brothers, sisters, nephews, and nieces. The younger the better and the more the better. The absolute best ones are where you have three or four toddlers (or infants) climbing all over you. Another way you might have interacted with kids is if you've coached kids' sports such as baseball. From that experience, you'll almost certainly have a team photo of you posing with your kids in the team uniforms -- those photos are perfect for this purpose.
The same thing applies to positive communication. If she has earned a compliment from you, like baking you some awesome cookies, don't tell her The cookies were awesome . You can tell her that your family was over and had some cookies and now they keep coming over, hoping for those cookies, even when you don't want them too. Do you get the difference
I Throughout the early life of your child, try to avoid body language gestures that emphasize height, size, or power differentials like looming over someone, placing your hands on your hips, shouting, or blocking their way These can come back and bite you I Use real signals of intellectual power instead. Keep calm and use assertive body language like eye contact (though not hard staring) open, emphatic, but unswerving gestures and physical confidence rather than underlying aggression I Many if not most family squabbles are prompted by status incon-gruence In an animal colony this would be sorted out by fighting, but, luckily, humans are usually less willing to gouge, claw, and wrestle to establish the pecking order Always remember that no hierarchy is ever totally stable People leave home and get promoted in the workplace, family members age, and the nurturers and protectors become the ones needing to be cared for Status squabbles in families focus around seating and sleeping...
Getting other family members to do the tasks but with the attitude that they are your jobs that you will always have to ask them to do victim still retains ownership of ghastly task and anyone doing them considers themselves to be doing him or her a favor Ideally your family should understand the tasks are for the benefit of all and decide themselves to do them when they need doing, not wait to be asked or expect to be thanked Here are some tips to help achieve this ideal situation I Always communicate face-to-face when you can have undivided attention. Ideally all family members need to be present and carry their threats out I When your children or partner do the tasks never stand over out rules and instructions or ridiculing
The field of evolutionary psychology has proposed a series of hypotheses to explain various aspects of human attraction. Typical theories suggest that women are attracted to men with the resources to care for them and their children, and men are attracted to women who appear capable of bearing healthy children (Buss 2003). Thus, for men, having a high income is attractive, while it is important for women to appear young and healthy, which correlates with fertility (Brehm et al. 2002).
After drinks I told her that I had plans for later in the evening because I wanted to see this movie, but I would love it even more if she came along. By now she was very comfortable in my company and she had no problem saying yes. At the movies we bumped into an old acquaintance and after introducing them he said out of the blue that we look good as a couple and that we would have good looking kids. As you can see, we were already acting like a couple in love, and that's how people around us perceived us. (well, you won't be able to count on bumping into old acquintances telling you your kids will be cute, but acting like a couple in love goes a long way nevertheless). At the end of the evening when I took her home we kissed and said good night. We never even exchanged phone numbers as of yet. From earlier conversations she mentioned of her love to read and the vast collection of books she has. At that very moment I asked her if she had any books on love and she said yes. Can I take...
Prospective buyer might be having with some aspect of his life, and then attempt to demonstrate how this product is the answer to making that pain disappear. That's why effective ad copy always concentrates on describing the benefits of owning the product in question, rather than simply describing interesting aspects of the product itself (the features). Our Nuclear Stink-Rat Annihilators are baited with 5 pounds of irresistibly delicious warthog guts is a feature of the Annihilator, which is nice but doesn't necessarily make you want to run out and buy one. Our Nuclear Annihilators will forever end the reign of terror that stink-rats have been holding over you and your family by vaporizing up to 700 of them per hour are benefits of the Annihilator that shows you how it will solve a major problem in your life. Define the pain and then solve it. No more terrifying stink rats you can live in peace, free of fear forever. See the difference
If you work 60 or 80 hours a week and pay the mortgage and keep food on the table, and you don't have a lot of time to spend with the kids, you're a terrible father. If you get divorced and your ex is bopping some new guy and won't let you come around to see your kids and so you don't want to just hand her a check, you're a deadbeat dad. If you start going to PTA meetings, or try to involve yourself in your children's activities, the women look at you like you're some kind of pervert. My ex refuses to honor my visitation rights with my kids, but she sure doesn't turn down my child support check. On top of that, I can't deduct the child support from my taxes, but she isn't taxed on it at all
You don't actually have to wait to visit your family to trot out old pix of the former you (as if visiting parents wasn't traumatic enough). If you can't conjure up any pleasant memories from your childhood, you probably need to think therapy, not dating. It's really true that it's hard to love anyone else until you can love yourself. And if you can't love your baby self, get some help so that you can.
We have already witnessed the debasement of play to the level of function - in play therapy, play school, play-as-catharsis and play-as-creativity. Throughout the fields of education and child psychology, play has become a vital function or necessary phase of development. Or else it has been grafted onto the pleasure principle to become a revolutionary alternative, a dialectical overcoming of the reality principle in Marcuse, an ideology of play and the festival for others. But even as transgression, spontaneity, or aesthetic disinterestedness, play remains only a sublimated form of the old, directive pedagogy that gives it a meaning, assigns it an end, and thereby purges it of its power of seduction. Play as dreaming, sport, work, rest or as a transitional object - or as the physical hygiene necessary for psychological equilibrium or for a system's regulation or evolution. The very opposite of that passion for illusion which once characterized it. The dream of eternal twins as a...
Think about your friends for a minute. They're not perfect. Nor is anyone in your family for that matter. Everyone has flaws. When we're young, we have a tough time dealing with other people's shortcomings. Only when you begin to mature in mind and spirit do you figure out that we have to like our friends for who they are, not who we might want them to be. You learn that the things that you might not like about them are what make them different from you, and those differences are necessary. Then you realize Holy crap They might feel the same way about me There might be things about me that they don't like but they're friends with me anyways.
As if dating weren't complicated enough, having your child ask you what time you're going to be home adds agony to embarrassment. By the way, what time do you plan to be home You like your date, your date hates you, the kids hate your date No problem. You like your date, your date hates you, the kids love your date Problem. You like your date, your date likes you, your date hates your kids Problem. It's a common problem that's not going to go away, but you are well advised to keep your kids and your dates separate until you're sure of your date, which takes awhile.
The next point is Russian women's devotion to family values they sincerely put family first, before their careers. Russian women's magazines such as Cosmopolitan discuss how a woman can successfully combine family and career -but career never comes first. (The second biggest topic in Russian women magazines is how to keep one's husband.) But what about other global dating regions that are known for women with good family values, such as Asia (Philippines, Chine, Thailand) and Latin America (Columbia, Mexico) I can confirm that if family values are your biggest concern, those regions are good places too look. But if you seek more than that, if you seek a complete package - a woman who is educated, intelligent, fashionable, smart, and at the same time beautiful and family oriented - then you must look in Eastern Europe. Russian women may have traditional family values but they are also modern and sophisticated. Summing it up If you want a woman with traditional family values , go for...
The appearance of wealth must be a priority. Certainly you don't need to be millionaire wealthy - but you do need to project some kind of nonverbal evidence that you've done alright for yourself, or (even better) that you are still going places either with your company, in the business world, the universe of arts and entertainment, etc. Just the appearance of being economically competent is enough to attract the attention of most women. You see, in order to achieve their personal level of highest fulfillment, women are faced with the urgency of someday having to raise children. For this they need to find a man who will help out with the money, not just the sperm donation. This kind of attitude is not golddigging (unless it's taken to the extreme of Anna Nicole Smith ), I'm simply talking about the normal desire to find a man who can bring home the bacon. Two areas of primary concern are your apartment and your car. Your car doesn't have to be a Mercedes but it should be about 2-6...
By acting like this, a modern woman harms herself without knowing it. This choice to live with a man who is unsure and beta kills passion and brings to the relationship something that a beautiful woman considers to be worse than death boredom. On the other hand, however, this kind of choice may be desirable for raising children in a safe and stable environment.
They're damn good at it Conversely, men get a sense of a woman's potential to bear healthy children by looking for signs of physical attractiveness, which are primarily signs of youthfulness and fertility 70 hip-to-waist ratio, big eyes plus small chin (childlike face), smooth skin (youth), ample breasts (post-puberty), slim figure (more childlike indicators), etc. So we make the exact same kind ofjudgements about women, but using a different criteria that plays into our different strategy for reproduction.
I don't know to what degree, if at all, any of this resonates with you. Everybody has their own unique upbringing and story that goes with it. One clue as to whether or not the way you were raised might've had anything to do with developing a hypersensitivity to rejection later on as an adult, would be to recall if any openly allowed expressions of affection were commonly encouraged or even tolerated in your family. In my case, while my parents were always supportive and never abusive to me and my brother, there was always an unspoken rule of maintaining an aloofness with one another and a respect for everyone's privacy. There was no hugging or kissing in my family, and certainly no one ever uttered the words I love you to anyone else. Even to this day I rarely act this way around my mother. It makes me feel guilty, but I just can't bring myself to do it -- so powerful are the deeply ingrained feelings of shame at the thought of such silly expressions of affection. Everyone just knew...
Putting Too Much Importance On What The Woman Thinks Of You And What Happens In That Particular Situation
My second question is an even tougher one. Over the summer I've emailed about 12 different girls asking for dates. I will provide the text of a typical message in a minute here. However, I have to date gotten ONE response back (there goes your 60 theory ). I originally thought there must be something wrong with my account, but then I realized my emails get prompt responses from other friends and family members, so I don't think this is the case (only once did I get a delivery failure notification). So what is going on here-am I just having an incredibly bad streak of luck, or am I doing something drastically wrong And if the latter, what is it-am I coming off as a wuss, does my email address turn them off, or what Now, here is what I said in one of my messages (this is a typical example)
Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Imagine yourself as a child, maybe 7 years old. Remember then how badly you wanted to grow up, be tall, go places like the grownups, reach high shelves, drive a car. Remember that feeling of inadequacy that you had then and how you just couldn't wait for all this to happen. Now bring a picture of your current adult self into the scene, and give your child self a big hug saying, Hey, told you it was all going to be all right. Now imagine a third version of yourself - a version from the future that embodies all the accomplishments and goals you are seeking right now. What does that person look like Notice his voice, his gait, his demeanor. How does he look and sound How does it feel to be him Now have that future you come in and give the present you a big hug, saying It's all going to be all right. Now let the three pictures of you from the past, present and the future merge into one another, leaving an image of that highest vision of yourself,...
By the same token, you'll also bore a Stripper by complaining to her. If you start using her as a therapist and unloading about how crappy your job is, or how crummy your family is, or whatever it is that's bugging you, you're not doing anything to further your cause of getting a date with this dancer.
Naturally during these first few days there will be many events, introductory sessions, initial lectures and so on. Information is normally advertised clearly in the college so you should get there early and make sure you know what's going on. When you go to one of these events make sure you try to sit next to a hot girl that you want to befriend. Start a conversation, exchange some basic facts about yourselves. Where you're from, your hobbies, your family get them into some kind of conversation. Tell her you are looking for cool people to hang out with and she fits the bill. Exchange numbers, hang-out with her after the class or lecture, go for coffee or a drink. Just be friendly and try to make new friends. Don't try to pick them up Not yet, anyway You can meet them in class, in the hallway, inside dorms. Wherever.
In your conversation, allude to your stable job, your involvement in a local sports team, or your family values if possible. You could tell her that you are exhausted from your soccer practice last night, or invite her out to a game on the weekend. Tell her you were visiting your parents on the weekend. Say anything (with some truth to it ) that will portray you as a sound, stable man. You want her to see you as a man worth getting to know - responsible, legitimate, and trustworthy. Reassure her that you are a decent guy before you ask for her number, so she is sure to agree.
Generally, party girls are always seeking more new stimuli. You'll notice that during conversations, even after you have known them for a while, they will not delve too deep into personal questions. For example, they will not ask questions you about your family, siblings, background or what's important to you, nor will they offer much information about theirs. This is because they simply do not care. This type of thing is not important to them. Where their next bottle of booze will come from is In the beginning, it may take you a while to notice this. Soon, it will become second nature and you won't even have to think about it. I will warn you. If you are inexperienced with girls at this point and are looking for a nice girlfriend who will care about you, then party girls are not for you. Similarly, you may be a single parent who is seeking a mate who will be suitable for your child. Again, party girls are not for you.
Think of a time when you knew and believed in something so completely that you couldn't stand the thought of not proving it to your friends, or your family. You went to outrageous lengths to make them understand, and in the end, you probably won. Maybe it was something you saw on television that they didn't believe. Whatever it was, you had an incredible power of belief behind you. You knew you were right.
Make a list of all the people in your life, and place yourself in that pecking order. Make sure to include people you haven't met as well, such as the President of the United States, Billy Bob Thornton, or even Metallica. Make sure you include your boss, your mom and dad, others in your family, and your circle of friends. Rank yourself in terms of their status in the pecking order, and make a note of why you put them above or below you in status.
Men who come across as victims , or who are cry-babies, throw anger tantrums, or who constantly find negativity to harp on trigger women's biological alarm that says, DO NOT MATE WITH INFERIOR MALES OR YOUR CHILDREN WILL BE INFERIOR AS WELL AND WILL NOT SURVIVE, LEADING TO THE EXTINCTION OF MY GENES.
If your family life was a roller coaster ride (see the sidebar Stress history ), you're probably feeling the same sort of thrill terror right now as you get ready for your date to begin. You're likely running a teeny bit late, you're not totally sure what you're going to wear, and you think you know where you're going. What you're doing, in essence, is re-creating the same chaos you experienced as a child because that's familiar. In this time of stress, you're regressing to the comfortable days when, even though your family life was nutty, you knew your way around.
Now, as you look at this beautiful rose if you were to visualize a picture of a family member you love dearly, like say your child, parent, or someone special, where would it be on the mental screen. Allow yourself to notice the location of where that picture was (notice presupp. here). What would really make that rose wonderful, would be to place that rose in the same location as where you saw the picture of the family member. As you now see the picture of the rose in that special place, let each petal of the rose represent some aspect of a goal, dream, or wish you want to have in your life. Allow YOUR UNCONSCIOUS mind to place those goals, dreams, and wishes in the flower. As you do this, see me in that picture smiling as you hand me that rose to hold for you. Allowing you to FEEL WONDERFUL at the knowledge that you can ask for the rose at any moment and I will hand it to you and making you FEEL SO WONDERFUL.
This means that in all matters pertaining to your life, you are the final authority. You will not wait to follow the counsel of friends, family members, society or culture. You will not do things in order to gain approval. You will do what is right according to your own principles.
The dictionary defines expectation as looking for what's due, proper, or necessary. Interestingly, the word comes from the same root as spectacle, the Latin spectare, meaning to gaze at. What this all means is that you form your expectation of any event by instantaneously gazing at your past experiences, stuff that's happened to your friends or your parents or your family, what the media has convinced you is proper, and what your peers have convinced you you're due. So you walk into any situation with at least some expectation as to how it would, could, or worse should turn out.
Learn to share emotions in a way that shows you to be sensitive and caring, but a good three steps short of being a wimp. It's OK to have feelings for your parents, your kids - even your ex - so long as you don't tell her how much you care for her on the first, second or third date.
I know that the United States pretends that it has no class system. If you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you. The good news about class in this society is that it doesn't go back very far, probably only a couple of hundred years, opposed to other countries where it goes back thousands of years. The idea that somebody comes from a completely different background socioeconomically than you do and has been in that situation for generation after generation very well may influence how you view friendships, vacation, money, child rearing, naming of your children, and traditions. The notion that money is the great leveler even more so than love is the stuff of media pipe dreams, but the notion doesn't work very well once the cameras stop rolling. However, be aware that people have all sorts of different expectations depending on their socioeconomic background. I am not suggesting that people from different socioeconomic backgrounds not marry, but understand that there are going to be...
If you're divorced, it's a good idea to keep your kids in the dark for as long as possible. Don't wait until the wedding or the funeral, but reading the section on single parent dating applies regardless of the age of the child. i You don't have to ask your parents what time you have to be home (although you may end up answering to your kids).
Some last thoughts and tips specifically on friendships However close your friends are, there is one huge difference between them and your family, and that is the issue of unconditional love or bonding Although families can and do split up, blood relatives tend to stay with you forever . Not so with friends, which is why you should never take them for granted . Remember that great set of close pals you had at your last job What happened when you or they moved on No matter how many work colleagues swear to stay in touch, it's commonly found that they will lose touch once the common bond (the job) no longer exists . Childhood friendships are often lost by marriage, and a huge modern problem is one of property or career moves taking people off to live abroad
Single Parenting Becoming the Best Parent For Your Child
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